For I Am Not Real, I Am Who You Are

For I am not real,

I am who you are,

I am never close,

But I am rarely too far.

Kept at a distance,

As regards to who I am,

I am not with you,

I am lost in your hands.

A summer’s last wish,

A winter prayer,

A spring time kiss,

Do things ever become clear?

Fall out of site,

I fall into forever,

I keep them at a distance,

Living within shadows.

No room to lose,

I struggle to trust,

No longer an option,

I become what I must.

It is not real,

What you pretend to show,

I live for the future,

A future I do not know.

I know that I am here,

Here I will lie.

I lie within my heart,

To continue to survive.

I am still not sure if I have ever been seen.

I know that it isn’t you so it must be me.

Trust my heart?

I don’t know that I can.

My heart has betrayed me,

I'm afraid of what it has felt.

You say this is no way to live.

I giggle and turn away,

What do you expect?

What do you want me to say?

No one has cared-at least not for real.

I have never been the first choice.

Or someone others took time to believe in.

Surviving has cost me plenty,

Plenty of life still left to lose.

I won’t be lost in forever,

Because forever has no rules.

I will have a say in tomorrow,

Tomorrow is saved for me.

A service that won’t cost any money,

But a service that isn’t free.

I must not be real

Can I please change?

I'm tired of paying,

And I am tired of pain.

If there is a payment

and I must pay up the cost

I guess it makes sense

that I am the cost of all I have ever lost.

Of all that I have lost

It isnt you- so it must be me

Easy for you to say

When I am the one who bleeds.