For Just A Moment... Escaping in to Autumn
Today, I stood outside, watching the leaves fall from the Maple trees that surround our home. I watched as the wind snatched them up and twirled them around in the air. Tiny tornadoes of reds and yellows and orange and lime green leaves adorned both the ground and the air. Like an invisible sweeper, moving his broom along the sidewalk, the leaves chased each other across the grass as if trying to escape the fate of the pile of leaves that were in front of them. I watched... and I smiled. For just a moment, I was taken to a world that was Only beautiful. There was no sadness or Lows or Highs to deal with. Only beauty.
Perhaps to some, the scene I just described to you is common. The beauty of it all may be something you see and then move on. How do I tell you so that you understand what that moment was to me? The sprinkles of a gentle rain, mist at best, reaching out and caressing my face, like a Lover saying "I Love You." Closing my eyes for a moment and breathing in the beauty that only God could create. The smell of wood from a distant fireplace causing me to breathe in deep and savor it's scent, makes me feel warm inside.
Oh, how I wish I could take you all to that moment in time with me. I hold it to my chest and close my eyes. I wish that it did not have to end. For some, it doesn't end. They take it with them and enjoy it, share it, make it memory. And then, they simply smile and go on about their day. How I wish I could do that, too. For me, and so many others that suffer from a disorder like bipolar or tourettes, maybe both for some, the moment is fleeting and lasts for just a short time. The leaves, still falling, lose the beauty. The breeze becomes a wind that beats against my face. The same wind that moments ago, kissed my cheek and made me smile, is now simply wind.
My mind tries to steal away this moment from me. It whispers to me all of the things that haunt my every day. It reminds me that I have failed in so many ways and that I have not reached any goal set for myself. The leaves race down the sidewalk, not trying to escape the invisible sweeper any longer but laughing at me as they pass by. I hold on tight to the moment, knowing that in an instant, the demons of my past and the sadness of my soul will take the moment from me.
Even as I write this, I feel my mind felitering out the beauty I have shared with you, replacing it with the things I have not accomplished. I feel the sorrow of those I love and absorb it in to my heart. I softly cry for those that can not hold on to such splendor. I remember those I have not helped because I had no means to do so. I feel the sadness of those that have so much less than I and wish to reach out and give to them all that I have. Life... it steals away my moment and thrashes it about, leaving me only pieces of the beauty that it was. This is My world. A world that soaks in every tiny moment of beauty and shreds it so that it is scattered through-out my thoughts. Scattered in a way that it races around with all of my other thoughts, running so fast that I can not capture even one.
But for a moment... you stood with me and watched the beauty of God's handi-work. We shared a canvas painting, un-matched by any artist on this planet. And for just a moment, I knew peace and contentment.
Comments
Dear Darrel,
This is a day of beauty and joy but also quite a dizzying time for me, as you very well know... I truly needed to pause and reflect on your words of comfort and wisdom. I hope you know how much you inspire me, your words surround me like a warm blanket of understanding and "for a moment, you give me (and countless others) peace and contentment (as well)".
Voted UP & AB and have a very good evening, mar.
So touching and so beautiful are your magnificent words of wisdome , but you are wrng , you hvae accomplished , You are a giftto everyone who reads here . I voted up all the way across the board , you are absoluely gifted a mind , I loved this piece and im glad i found you , i will be your new follower and i look forward to reading the rest , and hope you post and write more! :) thanks for the read:)
Darrel, my mind is doing the same to me, though fortunately not as often as a few years ago. Your description: "My mind tries to steal away this moment from me. It whispers to me all of the things that haunt my every day. It reminds me that I have failed in so many ways and that I have not reached any goal set for myself.... in an instant, the demons of my past and the sadness of my soul will take the moment from me...."
I had this for many-many years until I almost committed suicide. A panic attack changed my life – I thought I was dying and while breathing into a paper bag I realized I want to live and I want to be happy. Then my road to recovery started. Besides medicine and lots of physical exercises to get my serotonine level normal again, I’ve made a decision: To never again allow a negative thought in my mind. The moment my mind bombarded me with one, I’ve forced myself to look at something beautiful, and to concentrate on it. I even focussed on the air I was inhaling – feeling it, appreciating it… and the heat of the sun on my skin….. and walking… being alive… And eventually, after about two years, my mind was more positive than negative.
Still today – ten years in my ‘new positive life’, I don’t tolerate my own negative thoughts. We have three basic urges – to live, to multiply and to die. Those negative thoughts are the products of our urge to die. They steal our joy and happiness.
Darrel, I’m not telling you this with the intention to advice you. I know in that stage of depression the mind, who really wants you dead, reject any kind of advice. I am merely sharing a part of my story with you. I’ve discovered the power of my mind and it was not easy to change it from negative to positive. I’ve studied Eckhart Tolle’s ‘The Power of Now’ daily, as if it was a Bible, and it really helped me.
Take care, my friend. I hope with all my heart you will recover completely from those horrible deceases of the mind. Life is so short; we just have to have to have to make the best of it.
I'm a first time reader and enjoyed your captivating words. I know someone who is bipolor and how the simple things in life are missed. You at least had a moment to experience that simple joy.
This was beautifully written. I shared your pleasure in experiencing the peace and beauty and felt your sadness as it all slipped away. There is help out there for bipolarity and tourette's. Have you sought any help?
I agree with everyone. You need no words of rhyme, there is a beauty that flows from your words more beautiful than poetry. I want to read more of you also. Voted up.
Polly
Gosh, that was beautiful and poetic. I voted it beautiful, awesome, and up. You had me with you. I will be a follower and read more. You touched me with this one. Beautiful writing.
These comments from a lovely group of friends sound so familiar to me. I felt the breeze and tasted the mist. Never give up!
I agree with you Darrel. Today was a gourgeous day. I worked in the yard today raking up leaves. And then my 8 year old son and I ran and jumped in them and then we had a leaf fight. We laughted so hard we both cryed but it was fun spending time with just him. It was the best birthday present when he turned and said I love you very much momma thank you for playing a have a very happy birtday. Thank you for these wonderful words to top all that off.
- Author
As I read these words that have been left for me, my thoughts raced to decide if I stopped and commented on each or do i write for all who have been here and read my words. Afraid a little that I might offend ones heart, I began writing single thank you's. But then, I chased a thought down and held it still for a moment. Everyone wrote such beautiful words to me. Each and everyone was an encouragement and smile. In truth though, each came from people I would be honered to call "family." And as family, I respond to all here. If I do in fact offend or hurt anyone by doing so, I do say with my heart that I am sorry, it is not meant to be.
Answering some of the words here... I know of the help that is available for those that suffer from bipolar and tourettes. I follow my Doctor as she follows me closely. I share my thoughts and fears and joys with a therapist whom I trust deeply. She has never brought judgement before me and listens to my deepest thoughts. Life has been huge for me and I say so often that I am the most blessed man on this Earth. More blessed than This man surely deserves. I will never leave this world feeling slighted or as if I did not live life to it's fullest.
Today, I shared with you a moment that was precious to me. I took each of your hands and walked with you through the soft rain. Together, we felt the beauty that is Autumn and the warmth that is the touch of a friend. For that and so much more, I thank you All, as individuals in my heart and as a family. I am touched, not by the beauty that was mine for a moment but for the comfort and warmth that carried that moment on for me, through each of your words.
You have All given me a second moment with the Autumn day because of the kindness and peace I felt while reading these comments. Thank you from my heart and soul. May each one of you know many Moments of precious beauty. It is my soul that whispers "Thank you," before my mind reminds me once again that serenity is not mine to hold yet.
Always I am, Simply Me.
Hi Dday.
This is a fantastic piece of work. It held me till your last word.
I know i can only imagine your feelings and thoughts, but i have read about Bipolar after getting to know Princessg that has Bipolar as well. A frightening illness.
A wonderfull hub that is awesome and beautiful and becomes a big UP.
Take care and have a nice good day.
LOL Ghaelach
- Author
Ghaelach, Thank you for reading this Hub and for your very kind words. It is in writing and reaching those that read that is what my heart seeks. I am touched and feel a warmth inside each time the words written touch anothers heart. Thank you again for this. Always, Darrel
Wow, what great work Dday. The title is perfect. I get lost in the beauty with a feeling of peace as I read your story. That is powerful. I get those same feelings living in West Virginia. I love the fall's colors. Very uplifting to say the least. Can't wait to read more. Hope you have a great weekend Dday. Take care.
- Author
I thank you Lyric for your kind words and for taking the time to read this. I always hope that my writing paints a picture that takes the reader beyond the words.I appreciate your comments very much. Always, Darrel
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