For Just A Moment... Escaping in to Autumn
Today, I stood outside, watching the leaves fall from the Maple trees that surround our home. I watched as the wind snatched them up and twirled them around in the air. Tiny tornadoes of reds and yellows and orange and lime green leaves adorned both the ground and the air. Like an invisible sweeper, moving his broom along the sidewalk, the leaves chased each other across the grass as if trying to escape the fate of the pile of leaves that were in front of them. I watched... and I smiled. For just a moment, I was taken to a world that was Only beautiful. There was no sadness or Lows or Highs to deal with. Only beauty.
Perhaps to some, the scene I just described to you is common. The beauty of it all may be something you see and then move on. How do I tell you so that you understand what that moment was to me? The sprinkles of a gentle rain, mist at best, reaching out and caressing my face, like a Lover saying "I Love You." Closing my eyes for a moment and breathing in the beauty that only God could create. The smell of wood from a distant fireplace causing me to breathe in deep and savor it's scent, makes me feel warm inside.
Oh, how I wish I could take you all to that moment in time with me. I hold it to my chest and close my eyes. I wish that it did not have to end. For some, it doesn't end. They take it with them and enjoy it, share it, make it memory. And then, they simply smile and go on about their day. How I wish I could do that, too. For me, and so many others that suffer from a disorder like bipolar or tourettes, maybe both for some, the moment is fleeting and lasts for just a short time. The leaves, still falling, lose the beauty. The breeze becomes a wind that beats against my face. The same wind that moments ago, kissed my cheek and made me smile, is now simply wind.
My mind tries to steal away this moment from me. It whispers to me all of the things that haunt my every day. It reminds me that I have failed in so many ways and that I have not reached any goal set for myself. The leaves race down the sidewalk, not trying to escape the invisible sweeper any longer but laughing at me as they pass by. I hold on tight to the moment, knowing that in an instant, the demons of my past and the sadness of my soul will take the moment from me.
Even as I write this, I feel my mind felitering out the beauty I have shared with you, replacing it with the things I have not accomplished. I feel the sorrow of those I love and absorb it in to my heart. I softly cry for those that can not hold on to such splendor. I remember those I have not helped because I had no means to do so. I feel the sadness of those that have so much less than I and wish to reach out and give to them all that I have. Life... it steals away my moment and thrashes it about, leaving me only pieces of the beauty that it was. This is My world. A world that soaks in every tiny moment of beauty and shreds it so that it is scattered through-out my thoughts. Scattered in a way that it races around with all of my other thoughts, running so fast that I can not capture even one.
But for a moment... you stood with me and watched the beauty of God's handi-work. We shared a canvas painting, un-matched by any artist on this planet. And for just a moment, I knew peace and contentment.