For the love of God, People, Ridiculous has no E: A rant that could not be helped.
Dear people who are going to drive me F-ing nuts,
Everyone has a pet peeve. Some people lose it over someone else grinding their teeth. I've listened to people totally come uncorked over drivers who don't signal before they turn, even if there isn't anyone behind them for five hundred yards. There's lots of pet peeves, millions and millions of them. And I suppose all of them are unreasonable to a degree. Signs of instability.
But, that said, I don't freaking care and here goes:
OMFG, people it's "RIDiculous." RID. R - I - D. Not RED, "rid." There is nothing f-ing RED about ridiculousness. RED is a color; it is the color of blood. It's the color of raw meat and of ketchup which looks a lot like blood. Blood is what's going to happen to someone or some helpless animal if you people don't start spelling this goddamn word right on the Internet.
For the love of God, please spare me the agony of seeing this word endlessly spelled REDiculous six thousand times a day on the Internet. It's like nails on a chalkboard. I scream inside when I see it, and I have it on pretty good authority that every time someone types REDiculous evil tyrants in third world countries pitchfork babies to death. It's some sort of search engine based anti-baby program that these awful monsters have created to fund the purchase of more pitchforks so that they can doom more helpless babies. I don't even know what the point of it is except only to do it to more cute babies. It's terrible and only you can stop the madness from going on.
So, if you like babies, you should seriously never type REDiculous again. Type RIDiculous instead, with an "I." Think of "ridding the world of people who pitchfork babies." And besides "I" is easier to draw; it's just a straight line. You don't need any fancy curves or any branching lines like you do with "e" or "E." An "I" is simple to make and easy to remember. If you have trouble remembering how to spell this word, just tell yourself the following story:
There is NOTHING RED about ridiculous. I need to RID myself of this horrific spelling and I need to understand that it is I who spells it wrong, just as it is an "I" that is in the word every time. There is no "e" only "I." I am the one. "E" is the sound Shadesbreath makes whenever he reads my spelling it with an "e." "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee," he screams as he runs from the room clutching at his burning eyes wishing that lightning would blast him from the Earth.
So yeah, just remember that story, say it to yourself three times every night before you go to bed and you will be able to spell "ridiculous" finally right. Just think, you can save babies and save me from being decimated by a powerful lightning bolt. Imagine how much positive karma that will generate for you.
All I can say is thank you and I'm glad you took the time to care. And remember, for the love of God, it's RIDiculous, not RED.
P.S. I realize this is probably totally unreasonable of me (probably like my fear of crickets) but you know what, I reserve to right to be human, which entitles me to unreasonable emotional states.