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Forty Signs To Run Away From These Doctors

Updated on April 17, 2018
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Run Away As Fast As You Can !

This hub topic was originally created by Kenneth Avery, a follow Hubber. I wanted to expand on his idea to add more laughter to a sometimes very serious matter. Hope you enjoy it !



1. Tells you to undress from the waist down and they’ll do the same.

2. Makes out with their stethoscope.

3. Applies makeup during your pap smear.

4. Advises jumping jacks as a contraceptive.

5. Asks you for a cigarette.

6. Cautions you that applying cucumbers over your eyes will cause blindness.

7. Throws a toddler temper tantrum when you tell them you want a second opinion.

8. Tries to perform CPR when you tell them you have an earache.

9. Gives you coupons for fast food.

10. Mentions they are radioactive.

11. Just got out of prison for good behavior.

12. Has a vibrating exam table donated by their sponsors at the Red Light District.

13. They ask for a night cap after you tell them you are having problems falling asleep.

14. Plays knock, knock who’s there with themselves.

15. When you ask them why they are wearing their cartoon pajamas during the exam…they tell you they had a sleepover at their therapist house.

16. They dress like a nurse and tell you “I thought this is what you wanted”.

17. Reveals they slept on a park bench last night and need to crash at your place.

18. Begs for a loan because the IRS is after them

19. Explains that your BMI stands for Be More Intelligent.

20. Dismisses cocaine addiction as powdered sugar for their diabetes.

21. Insists on taking your temperature rectally without a good explanation.

22. Gravely concerned about that birth mark on your back being an implanted alien tracking device.

23. Confuses a mole for deer tick.

24. Preaches that pink eye can only be caused by eating too much red meat.

25. When you request to see their credentials, they hand over a Curious George book.

26. They are 100% certain your anxiety attacks are caused by the shirt you’re wearing.

27. A paper cut requires stapling.

28. A nose bleed puts them in cardiac arrest.

29. Mistakes your tattoos for skin cancer.

30. Identifies the white spots on your tonsils as marshmallow.

31. Diagnoses your hemorrhoids as a parasitic invasion.

32. Checks your scalp for gas.

33. Collects your urine sample in a sippy cup.

34. When you inquire about the Shingles vaccine they tell you they are not in the roofing business.

35. The office charges you a fee if you’re early.

36. When you request a refill they ask you “Was that sweeten or unsweetened tea?”

37. Your medical record ends up on the New York Times best sellers list.

38. They inform you that Fridays are Not Lifting a Finger day.

39. Tells you to pay your bill with farm animals.

40. Prescribes you coffee for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

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    • carrie Lee Night profile imageAUTHOR

      Carrie Lee Night 

      3 years ago from Northeast United States

      Kristen Howe: Thank you!!!! I'm happy you enjoyed it.

    • Kristen Howe profile image

      Kristen Howe 

      3 years ago from Northeast Ohio

      Carrie, great job with this hub challenge. You've nailed it so far. Voted up!

    • carrie Lee Night profile imageAUTHOR

      Carrie Lee Night 

      3 years ago from Northeast United States

      Rangoon House: Thank you for reading :)

    • Rangoon House profile image

      AJ 

      3 years ago from Australia

      Wow! I'll go with 40 - it's the one I identify with most, even if slightly exaggerated.

    • carrie Lee Night profile imageAUTHOR

      Carrie Lee Night 

      3 years ago from Northeast United States

      Travmaj: Thank you so much for reading ! :) Happy you enjoyed my attempt at comedy.

    • travmaj profile image

      travmaj 

      3 years ago from australia

      Good list for sure. Made me laugh. I'll keep all the above in mind my next medical visit...you never know do you? Thanks...

    • carrie Lee Night profile imageAUTHOR

      Carrie Lee Night 

      4 years ago from Northeast United States

      Flourish anyway: Thank you for your comments :). I have had questionable experiences but none as extreme as these. Have a great week.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 

      4 years ago from USA

      Great list. I just fired a doctor the other day but not for any of these reasons, thankfully!

    • carrie Lee Night profile imageAUTHOR

      Carrie Lee Night 

      4 years ago from Northeast United States

      Aerospace fan: Thank you for reading :). Thank you for including a favorite :)

    • carrie Lee Night profile imageAUTHOR

      Carrie Lee Night 

      4 years ago from Northeast United States

      Aniket: Thank you for reading :). Glad you had a favorite :)

    • Aniket Lawand profile image

      Aniket Lawand 

      4 years ago from Pune, India

      Liked it. :) I liked the Number 37 one.

    • aerospacefan profile image

      John M 

      4 years ago from Chicago

      Fun hub - loved your list. Number 5 is one I've kind of experienced. I've seen a few docs smoking outside of their offices on the corner (behind a tree).

      Voted up!

    • carrie Lee Night profile imageAUTHOR

      Carrie Lee Night 

      4 years ago from Northeast United States

      Frank: Thank you...it was my husbands favorite part too :). Glad you had some giggles :).

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 

      4 years ago from Shelton

      this was great but the first one cracked me up: Tells you to undress from the waist down and they’ll do the same.

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