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Fun in the bedroom?

Updated on September 18, 2008

Me Tarzan, you Jane

"Aiaiaiajaaaaaaaaaaa aiaiajeeeeeeee!!"... While the ceiling was coming down, I realized that playing Tarzan and Jane isn't the fun that is meant to be for the bedroom. After replacing the whole ceiling we decided not to do this anymore. First of all it isn't suitable for this bedroom which is too small to swing on ropes from left to right and secondly you can hurt yourself really bad when you land on the wrong place at the wrong time. And another thing, you need to isolate your bedroom so that the neighbors won't be troubled when hubby is breaking a limb. Our neighbor looked very surprised when we left for the E.R the next morning. But I admit that the little patch hiding his noble parts looked very cute on him.


Maybe that could do the trick. I read something about it and asked my friends. It could be that this was the thing for us to create a little more excitement. Just to make him enough submissive that he's liking it. But the fun was over when he realized I lost the key and he didn't like it at all when he realized he had to go to use the toilet after those beers.


Twister wasn't our game either. We constantly got tangled up with each other. Left hand on the red dot, right foot on the green dot, right hand on the blue dot, left foot on the yellow dot. I thought it was fun so many years ago, but now it isn't fun anymore. Especially when you realize you aren't so supple anymore and you only get aching muscles when you land next to the bed every time. But it can get worse. Believe me.

Kama sutra

Pffff. Yep, you'll try to make something out of nothing when the TV gets more important than lying next to or on top of your partner and there is no satisfaction. Maybe you've tried it once or twice or three times, then you'll know it's very hard when you're not an acrobat.

It was so much worse than Twister. Oh my God, I don't even remember how we did it. I don't even remember how his big toe got into my nostril and it took a long night to get it out too. I knew my nostrils weren't suitable for this kind of fun.

But we found a way to feel more comfortable. So much comfort that we could discuss our plans for the next weekend and I was able to play a game of solitaire on his stomach. If only I had a stack of cards with me. Ow I wished I didn't throw out the TV this time.

Because the last three attempts weren't very successful, we gave it another shot. At least he gave it a shot, but afterwards my earlobes were so long, I tripped over them when I left to get some groceries the next day.

A big sigh left my mouth but we kept on trying. Nagging about it didn't help and hubby found a solution for my nagging. It just looked as if I was reading Braille with all those little pimples on his butt. I didn't say a word, but I can tell you, I wasn't exited either.

But I admit it was one of the better ideas compared to the next one. I had to keep my feet in the air, without using my hands resting on the bed to keep me in balance. The only way to keep myself in balance was to bite a little harder. Knowing that would bring me into trouble.

After several hernias and weeks of recovery from an unintended circumcision we decided to quit this Kama sutra thing.

Hopeless and desperate we just sat there for a while. What did we do wrong? What did we need to do to be able to have fun together? Not just lying next to each other, waiting till the other begins to snore, being bored. There had to be a solution, wasn't there?

Still thinking I cuddled up against his chest put my nose into his chest hair en felt his warmth while he wrapped his arms around me. With a smile on my face I closed my eyes and slowly fell asleep.

It isn't that bad, cuddling up against each other is it? Enjoying the warmth and feel comfortable and fall asleep together.

Maybe breakfast in bed tomorrow darling? Strawberries in a chocolate dip? That can't go wrong can it?


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    • profile image


      8 years ago

      my partner and i want to spice our relationship by having a 3 some, does anyone know or is a attractive woman that would not mind having a 3 some?

    • Lazur profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Netherlands

      As long you can have fun G-Ma:D

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image

      Merle Ann Johnson 

      10 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      Awww so sweet...and yes of course over time things slow down, for some..actually most in the bedroom...but you are still climbing in together..and trying new things..which is all part of life and growing older...and we ALL do..but you have made it very fun remembering...and even maybe given some new ideas...Thank you angel...G-Ma :o) hugs

    • profile image

      saima murli 

      10 years ago


    • Lazur profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Netherlands

      aiks, poor nostrils.;)I'm glad to say it didn't happen to me. I just have a vivid imagination:D

    • gwendymom profile image


      10 years ago from Oklahoma

      I loved the part about his big toe in your nostril. I' think that might have happened to me before.

    • Lazur profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Netherlands

      That was just what I was trying to tell by this story Brainstormer:d Thank you for reading:D

    • Brainstormer profile image


      10 years ago from Australia

      Your third last paragraph did it for me. At the end of the day that is what all the games are all about. We tried the strawberries in chocolate thing. Kinda messy but lots of fun. Good read thanks Lazur.

    • Lazur profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Netherlands

      Maybe that's why we often like cuddling more than sex:d LOL

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

      Cindy Lawson 

      10 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Cuddling is great, pimples on arse not so attractive. I love my man, but the former would turn me off completely!


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