Funny Final Words

There can always be time for humor down to the last breath. Such as the wish of one man that his last words might be limited to "I hid over a million dollars under the ...."

"I forgot to duck." could easily have become President Reagan's final words, along with his pre-surgery quip "I hope you are all Republicans."

Just prior to our last gasp, or what might be, we sometimes choose humor, and other times it just turns out that way.

Here are some other examples:

"Call 911. Those are all the numbers." is one example, and here are more from famous, or somewhat famous mortals such as we are, or perhaps hope to be one day.

The dying Comtesse de Vercelles had one last gaseous explosion and quipped: ““Good. A woman who can fart is not dead.”

Asked by a nurse prior to his failed surgery in 1987 “Is there anything you are allergic to?” Drummer Buddy Rich replied, “Yeah, country music.”

Sir Winslon Churchill’s last words were “It’s all too boring.” He was echoed in 1988 by Richard Feynman, musician and physicist’s last words which were: “This dying is boring.”

James Rodgers was put in front of a firing squad in Utah to be executed for murder. Asked if he had a last request. he replied, “Bring me a bullet-proof vest.”

Arthur Spenkelink executed in Florida in 1979. wrote to friends and family that: “Capital punishment means those without the capital get the punishment.”

Well known performer Donald O’Connor joked on his deathbed, “I’d like to thank the Academy for my lifetime achievement award that I will eventually get.”

Eugene O’Neill was born in a hotel and happened to be dying in another hotel room. The irony was not lost on this famous playwright who exclaimed “I knew it! I knew it! Born in a hotel room and, goddamn it, dying in a hotel room.”

Charles Gussman was dying and wanted to be known in part for his last words. Reminded of his wish, this famous TV announcer and writer removed his oxygen mask and whispered: “And now for a final word from our sponsor—.”

As Groucho Marx lay dying, he joked that: “This is no way to live!”

“Remember, Honey, don’t forget what I told you. Put in my coffin a deck of cards, a mashie niblick [a type of golf club] and a pretty blonde” That was the final request of Chico Marx, Groucho’s brother Leonard.

A famous wordsmith Wilson Mizner on his deathbed was asked by a priest if he wanted to talk with him. Mizner replied, “Why should I talk to you? I’ve just been talking to your boss.”

Bo Diddeley signaled a thumbs up while listening to “Walk Around Heaven” and exclaimed “Wow!” which was echoed sometime later by Steve Jobs whose last words were said to have been “Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow.”

Ironically R&B singer Ace’s last words were “I’ll show you this gun doesn’t shoot.”

If you have some memory of funny, inspirational, or ironic final words, please add them to the Comments section below.