ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Funny Short Pirate Joke

Updated on January 2, 2016

You should see the other guy!

National Humor Month Funny Joke Number Six

Swashbuckling bravery is displayed in this joke because I'm going to feature a story about a pirate. No, it's not Johnny Depp of 'Pirates of the Caribbean" nor Errol Flynn of "Captain Blood." It's the most feared buccaneer of them all . . . Captain Graybeard. Read on if you dare!

Funny Joke Number Six

It was back in the day when pirates sailed the seven seas. This pirate, Captain Graybeard – the names, Blackbeard and Bluebeard, were already taken – was sitting in a shoreside bar having a drink. Just one look at the menacing-looking captain and you knew he had a story to tell. He had a peg leg, a hook instead of a hand, and an eye patch over one eye.

A sailor sitting next to him at the bar started making conversation. “So, Captain, if you don’t mind my asking, how did you happen to get that peg leg?”

Well, I’ll tell ya, matey, we was in a fierce storm one night and I got washed overboard. My crew pulled me back on the ship but not before a F#*!$% shark bit off me leg.”

That’s terrible,” said the sailor. “so how did you get that hook?”

“We was boarding a merchant ship one day and the fighting was fierce. We was outnumbered but won the battle. Unfortunately, during the fight me hand was cut off.”

“That’s awful. Now you know I have to ask you, how did you get that eye patch? Did that happen in a battle, too?”

“Naw,” said the captain. “It was no battle. It was a seagull what pooped in me eye.”

“That’s unbelievable, captain. You mean to tell me you lost your eye because a seagull pooped in it?”

“Aye,” said the captain, “because it was the first day I had me hook.”

Funny Quote

“I got a part as a chorus girl in a show called “Every Sailor” and I had fun doing it. Mother didn't really approve of it, though." --James Cagney

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2012. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So."

Errol Flynn in 'Captain Blood' 1935

Comments for Funny Short Pirate Joke Number Six

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      5 years ago from south Florida

      Delighted to provide your early morning chuckle, Patricia. May the entire weekend be as much fun. Just avoid the pirates!

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 

      5 years ago from sunny Florida

      Hee heee heee heeee how did I miss this? Those hooks can be a dangerous thing, huh??? Love the jokes, drbj...needed a good chuckle to begin my Saturday.

      Angels are on the way, my Friend. ps

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      5 years ago from south Florida

      I concur, Ian - wise decision.

    • Twilight Lawns profile image

      Twilight Lawns 

      5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      They write themselves. It was a shame when the Convent was sold so that the land could be converted into a series of "Nice" little houses. I haven't the heart to go and find out if they knocked down the Great House and the Chapel.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      5 years ago from south Florida

      You did make me smile, Ian. Although I never had the pleasure of meeting Olivia in person, her manner and angelic smile always made me believe she was just as sweet as she looked.

      Imagine the history of your genteel 'retirement home' - there have to be a dozen stories right there.

    • Twilight Lawns profile image

      Twilight Lawns 

      5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      I knew someone who knew of her when she was being educated in a convent. She, Sister Rose, maintained that Olivia wasn't acting in 'Gone With The Wind' that that was her real character.

      And this is going to make you smile, drbj... The Convent in which Sister Rose told me all this is the building on which I built an imagined retirement home for the "right sort of people".

      It was originally a mansion built by Henry Tate, the British sugar magnate, which was then taken over by Saint Michael's Convent

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      5 years ago from south Florida

      You have excellent taste, Ian. Erroll's co-star was a very young Olivia d'Havilland who later appeared in 'Gone with the Wind.'

    • Twilight Lawns profile image

      Twilight Lawns 

      5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      But that girl. Now that's what I call beautiful!

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      5 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks for loving the jokes and the story telling, Ian. I agree, the Captain Blood film with Flynn is pretty tame by today's standards but campy or not, it was the 'cat's pajamas' back in the day before computer effects ... before computers even!

    • Twilight Lawns profile image

      Twilight Lawns 

      5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Loved the jokes and the story telling, but as much as I enjoyed the Captain Blood video, I must say it was pretty Camp, if you don't mind me saying it.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      5 years ago from south Florida

      What a lovely thing to say, Rolly - just follow me and the down day goes away. 'Tis my pleasure, m'dear. Any time.

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 

      5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi drbj... lol... you are a hoot to have around... ever have a down day just follow you and it goes away... Thank you...

      Hugs and Blessings

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      Nice to meet you, fester-etc. So you are laughing to the fullest? That's the only way to go. Thanks for the visit and the kind words, Take a look at the others in this series and let me know your considered opinion.

    • festersporling1 profile image

      Daniel Christian 

      6 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      What a great joke. It makes me laugh to the fullest. Great well-written hub drbj.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      Martie - That's what I keep telling 'em down at the office - my jokes will provide you with a good night's sleep. Well, actually, it's the other way around. That's what they tell me!

      But I remain undaunted and will forge ahead. BTW, I am laughing at your indescribable description of your laughter. Verrrrry funny!

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      Well, you know, Paradise, that's my self-appointed job - to keep a lovely commenter like yourself laughing every time you visit my hubs. Don't stop.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 

      6 years ago from South Africa

      Whaaa-hahahaha... gulp-gulp.... ROFL..... he-he-he-he..... (totally hysterical at 12:30am)

      Now I am going to fall asleep laughing!

      He-he...

    • Paradise7 profile image

      Paradise7 

      6 years ago from Upstate New York

      LMAO, AGAIN! Thanks.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      Nice to meet you, jonsswagger, delighted you appreciate the finer things in life like this funny hub. And thanks for the Thumbs up!

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, Will. Appreciate the visit and the commendation.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      Absolutely correct, Feline, m'dear. Wisdom does not always accompany age. I remember a saying from my hub, 'Old Age Benefits' - Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional. Ain't that the truth?

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks, psychicdog, for enjoying this one. Short and sweet are my favorite kind.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks, amillar, for the 'cracker' compliment. Soon I will be able to speak British like you. An 'eye-opening' experience? You ARE inventive. And thanks for the Up and awesome. Def appropriate.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      I think it's a classic, too, Steph, and kids always seem to love it as much as adults. Probably because It's not always easy to find funny jokes that are appropriate for children, too. Thanks for the visit.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      You are so welcome, mary, for the Easter laugh. I loved Errol Flynn, too, though of course I only know him from the stories my great, great grandmother told. Heh, heh. And if you believe that, I have a great bridge at a reduced price to sell you.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      Still laughing, Pamela, as you write your comment? Now that's a great compliment. Delighted you liked my pirate joke! It is one of my faves.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      I've always thought, Peggy, that the funniest jokes are those where the reader or listener has to wonder where is it going. You are so right - laughter IS the best medicine. Thanks for laughing, m'dear, the funny and the Up.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks for the up and funny vote, John. I do admire your wit, to wit: 'Eye Eye Cap'n.' Very clever, my friend.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      Happy, bp, that you found this a nice way to start your day. I feel the same way about your hubs. Even if I don't have the opportunity to respond til later in the day.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      Aye, Ruby, while some folks put their foot in their mouth. our intrepid Captain put his hook in his eye. Delighted you found this as LMAO funny as I did. Tell me, m'dear, do your jammies have footies. Just wonderin'.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      Me, too, Docmo, I love pirate tales and action movies. I saw a documentary years ago that reprised Errol Flynn's films and there was a scene from Capt. Blood where he is on the top of the ship's Crow's Nest and needs to get to the deck quickly. What did he do? Our dashing hero inserted a large sword into the canvas sail and literally rode it down to the deck. Wow! And this was in the era before computer effects! Thanks for the Up.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      Delighted, pras, that you found this one funny and 'can't stop laughing.' I did the same while writing it. Errol Flynn, the actor in the video, was a real-life ladies man so he was a perfect choice for that role. Thanks for pushing all the buttons, my friend. You take care, too.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      Hey, christopher, you're number one. But you already knew that! Do you realize that the only words you left out of your comment - "the first day I had me hook". What a line! - were the words, 'and sinker.' Just mentionin'. Thanks for the visit. Happy you enjoyed that ancient Capt. Blood video. Flynn was an actual swashbuckler, if you know what I mean.

    • jonsswagger1978 profile image

      jonsswagger1978 

      6 years ago from Birmingham Alabama

      Love that hub, very funny. Thumbs up!

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 

      6 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Great joke!

    • profile image

      Feline Prophet 

      6 years ago

      Just proves that being gray doesn't necessarily mean being wise! :D

    • psychicdog.net profile image

      psychicdog.net 

      6 years ago

      Short and sweet - really enjoyed - thanks drbj!

    • amillar profile image

      amillar 

      6 years ago from Scotland, UK

      That's a cracker drjb. An eye opening experience for tha, Cap'in'. Up and awesome might be appropriate this time.

    • stephhicks68 profile image

      Stephanie Hicks 

      6 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      LOL!! That is a classic - my kids love pirate jokes too. :)

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 

      6 years ago from Florida

      This was a funny joke that just read on Easter. Thanks for the laugh. I can't wait to read the next one. I loved Errol Flynn. I'm sure you are TOO young to remember him, right?

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      6 years ago from Sunny Florida

      Still laughing as I write my comment. Great joke!

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 

      6 years ago from Houston, Texas

      I wondered where this was going. Haha! Cute joke. As they say...laughter is the best medicine. Thanks for the laugh today! Voted up and funny.

    • profile image

      John MacNab 

      6 years ago

      Voted up and funny drbj. Eye Eye Cap'n.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 

      6 years ago

      Nice way to start the day..

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      6 years ago from Southern Illinois

      HaHaHaHa..HeeHee..You should see me,I'm sitting here still in my jammies and LMAO..So funny..Keep 'em coming..AYE

    • Docmo profile image

      Mohan Kumar 

      6 years ago from UK

      Nice one again drbj. I do love a pirate tale. I am a big fan of the historical romances. Of Rafael sabatini who wrote Captain Blood . Great book and a splendid film too.thanks for the memories. Voted up, of course matey!

    • prasetio30 profile image

      prasetio30 

      6 years ago from malang-indonesia

      Very funny and I can't stop laughing. I really enjoy the video as well. Thanks for writing and share with us. Rated up (useful, funny, awesome, beautiful, interesting). Take care!

      Prasetio

    • christopheranton profile image

      Christopher Antony Meade 

      6 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      "the first day I had me hook". What a line! Thanks for the laughs, and the bonus video.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)