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Ghost of the Past

Updated on November 23, 2011

Trapped within the prison of my feelings

My mind creates a truth that isn't there.

The ghost of who I used to be--

She haunts me every where.

She whispers secrets, doubts, and lies.

Her eye is ever watchful.

She never sleeps. She watches still.

Her hands lie calm and ready.

She never blinks, or keeps her eyes

Upon a soul but mine,

Determined that my grave should not

Lie anywhere near hers.

Her mouth moves, but no sound is heard.

Her voice was never there.

But whispers, voices, still I hear.

(Vibrations in my mind)

Her soul was never lain in peace

And so she stays alive

Her presence ever lurking in

This heart which beats as mine.

This empty shell she left that day

She haunts both day and night.

Determined that her voice be heard

Although that voice is mine.

The words she never got to scream

She wails now in my ears.

Her shrieking, piercing cry

Forever maddening my soul.

She can't keep silent. "Listen to

Me now. I swear I'll die!"

Her words are deaf upon the heart

For whom the words were meant.

The one for whom the words were meant--

He lives forever still.

But yet will never hear her words.

So why she wails them still?

Today she's screaming louder now

Today her eyes are black

The pain she felt, the agony

Is surging through my heart.

My body is the instrument through which she gains her peace.

If everyone can see her through this body which is mine

Then maybe when I've served this use: then, maybe, she will die...?

But no. Her thirst of justice is too strong to satisfy.

Instead she is determined now I be her sacrifice.

I am her future; she my past. She will not let it be.

For I am moving toward a light which she could never see.

She rages, jealous that the joy I have was never hers.

The one she loved had never heard her cries; so now I must.

She will not let him go and so she will not let me love.

Her tears and pain forever will be manifest through mine.

God why she makes me suffer for the suffering she feels?

Oh that the day she died had been the day her pain did too.

Instead she passed that pain to me,

Determined that it live.

Determined that her justice be

Obtained at any cost.

That cost is joy; that price is love

The punishment—my death, my soul.

My slow and bloody torture

Is the only Sacrifice.

Well though she stands and stares at me

Her eyes filled up with pain

I turn to her and say to her,

Though shaking from the strain,

“No. Who I am, and who I love,

means nothing more to you.

Your fears, your life, your pain and guilt,

Went with you to your grave.

Your fears have no more hold on me;

Your pain died with you. Set me free!

I cannot live your life and mine

I cannot give you justice.

So go and rest, and rest in peace;

Your pain is not in vain.

The God that loved your soul and mine

Will recompense the pain.”

So with a fiendish shriek, she fades away; I watch her, still.

Her broken heart, her empty eyes still yet unrecompensed.

Still waiting yet for love to heal her heart misunderstood.

Still wondering when the pain will die, or if it even could.

And so she disappears to the subconscious of my heart

Leaving me to wonder if she hides now in the dark...

For after all, her fears were mine. Her present was my past.

And after all, I now possess the body she once had.


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    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 5 years ago from Shelton

      Im returning the reading favor and since I read all your hubs I guess I will ad a comment on my favorite of your hubs Thanks for the share!!! Frank

    • AshtonFirefly profile image

      AshtonFirefly 5 years ago

      Thank you for your encouraging comments :)

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 6 years ago

      ..very strong writing and epic in its ambition - and soulful, deep and deliciously dark - obviously you have a love affair with words and words certainly love being in your company - sending you warm wishes and good energy from a cold lake erie time ontario canada 10:57pm

    • AshtonFirefly profile image

      AshtonFirefly 6 years ago

      Thank you everyone :)

    • Cresentmoon2007 profile image

      Cresentmoon2007 6 years ago from Caledonia, MI

      Wonderful, can't help but vote up. Written well and very true.

    • pennyofheaven profile image

      pennyofheaven 6 years ago from New Zealand

      Oh yes how beautifully versed. The ghosts of the past haunting the present in an effort to be heard and yet their time has gone and there is no room for them in the present. Awesome!!

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 6 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello,Ashton! (Nov. 25, 2011/10:26 p.m., cst)

      GREAT read! Amazing information and spellbinding style. Voted up and away for your earned it. I love your writing style and I am now honored to FOLLOW you. Please keep up the great work and I Invite YOU to check out my hubs, that is if you need a good laugh. And I would love for you to be a follower. That would make my day. Highest Regards, Kenneth Avery, from Hamilton, a small (but proud) town in northwest Alabama that reminds you of Mayberry, that sweet town we loved on The Andy Griffith Show. Much Peace and Love to you!

    • AshtonFirefly profile image

      AshtonFirefly 6 years ago

      Thanks for the feedback! :)

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 6 years ago from Shelton

      everything about this hub was done right! even the first sentence took me in ...Trapped within the prison of my feelings.. up and awesome