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"Goodbye, I Love You...."

Updated on January 19, 2017

Goodbye I Love You


Goodbye, I love you, On you I’ll smile from above.

Even though I’m no longer with you, I hope you can still feel my love.

Mom and Dad you have been so amazing to me,

Without you I’d never have lasted this long’s clear to see.


I’m sorry to all, but it’s time for me to go.

In this damaged body I have no room to grow.

This decision was so hard to make, no one could know

But on this pain-filled world I have no more seeds to sow.


Goodbye, I love you, On you I’ll smile from above.

I think that I’m saved but I really don’t know

I pray God take my soul and not send me below.

I know that once I was saved, of this I am sure

But I’ve strayed so far away, my heart’s now so impure.

But I’ve asked God for forgiveness

And I am told He offers the cure.


I’m sorry to all, but it’s time for me to go.

The devil’s at my doorstep, ready his wrath to show.

But I’m not about to give him the satisfaction

So I’ll beat him to the punch and take my own action.


I am so scared now, but I’m not running away

I’m just acting out my part, the last scene in my play.


I’m writing this poem in this type of way

‘Cause my mind’s too messed up on one thought to stay.

Certainly about it to you I couldn’t speak

Even my thoughts are too scattered, letter writing is weak.


Even as I write this, I already miss you

I wish I had time to hug and to kiss you.

But I have to go now, my time here is through,

But although I’m gone, know that I’ll always love you.



--------------------------------------------------------

***** NO, THIS IS NOT ME RIGHT NOW!

However, this is a TRUE suicide letter. This was, honest to goodness, my letter that I scribbled on looseleaf paper, which is wrinkled to this day by the teardrops which fell on the page as I wrote. (dammit, I’m crying right now as I type this). I was 22 years old and living at my parent’s house. The Suicidal Plan was a result of a major closed-head injury and the ensuing mental instability (see “The Purpose of Life” for more details). My letter was entitled “Goodbye, I Love You”, and left on my desk in my room just before I hopped in my car for my Last drive to the local marina in the middle of the night, with my .40 caliber Glock, loaded, and on my lap………..

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    • aim4strz profile image
      Author

      Daniel Austhof 8 years ago from West Michigan

      Page, Ms. Evans, and Ms. Frank- thank you all for your kind words. It's very theoropudic to get these things off my chest. I certainly hope that my experiences can be beneficial to others in their own journeys.

    • Rochelle Frank profile image

      Rochelle Frank 8 years ago from California Gold Country

      Sounds like you have been on a very difficult journey. I'm glad your loved ones did not have to read this and grieve about what they might have done.

      Yes, aim for the stars-- but keep yourself grounded. You have a gift for expression than can touch others.

    • AEvans profile image

      Julianna 8 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

      This is so sad and the words touched my heart we are glad you are here and able to share your story and testimonial. :)

    • create a page profile image

      create a page 8 years ago from Maryland, USA

      I am so glad you stopped in your tracks aim4strz. Now you can share your experience on hubpages. Thank you for sharing your intimate thoughts here.

    • aim4strz profile image
      Author

      Daniel Austhof 8 years ago from West Michigan

      Thank Invictus. That means a lot coming from someone who is able to express themselves as powerfully as you.

    • I*n*v*i*c*t*u*s profile image

      I*n*v*i*c*t*u*s 8 years ago

      Wow, very powerful! I am so happy you are away from this place. Thank you for sharing this with us.

      It made my heart drop just seeing the title and while reading, woah.

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