- Books, Literature, and Writing»
- Commercial & Creative Writing»
- Creative Writing»
- Humor Writing
Hello Mr. Leaf
Well hey there Mr. Leaf, how are you? Ah, it’s that time of year again, the weather is getting cooler and the leaves are changing color. Let me just rake you up and start a pile in the yard. The colors are so pretty, I love the fall foliage. I was actually getting sick of mowing the grass, so raking and mulching will be a nice change of pace. Maybe I’ll have a bowl of chili and enjoy the football game when I’m done. Or I may sip on some apple cider and admire my handy work. Oh how I love the fall. Goodnight Mr. Leaf.
Oh wow, I just raked the yard yesterday and it doesn't look like it's been touched. Oh well, back to work. I guess this is the price I pay for all that summertime shade. Mr Leaf it looks like you had a little party last night, must have been a good one with all that wind. I've got leaves from down the street, the neighbors yard, and from the woods in the back. Alright guys, you know the drill, let's pile up and make nice. There, that wasn't so bad, I love a nice clean lawn.
This is ridiculous! I’ve spent the whole weekend raking and what do I have to show for it? A yard full of leaves and sticks! Stupid trees, how many of you are up there? I’m going to rake these leaves once again tonight and that’s it, no more. Any leaves that fall will just have to stay and it won’t bother me one bit. Stick to the roof, the windows, or the driveway if you want. See if I care!
For the Love of God I’m taking these trees down! I’m calling a tree service today, stump removal anyone? Look here Mr. Leaf, I’m done with you and your merry band of squatters! Go away! What is this some sort of movement? Occupy my lawn? What's your deal? I've raked, blown, piled and now it's time to feel the burn. That's right, time for a fire!
I have a yard full of ash, what a mess. My hair smells like a campfire and I'm out of options. My yard is still full of leaves. Are these Persian army leaves? They just keep coming down! I'm ready for winter, bring on the snow. I will shovel until the end of time, anything but leaves! I no longer care about the stupid foliage and the pretty trees. I want to see the bare, dead trees of winter.
Mr. Leaf, you have invaded my house at this point, my basement is full leaves that have spilled inside, ushered by the wind who is no doubt working with your miscreants. My car is not safe either, leaves have snuck through the slightest of openings and wedged their way inside the vents and dashboard. I jump at the sound of leaves crunching under footsteps. I fear for my sanity.
I write this from the safe confines of my bedroom, the shades are drawn, the lights dim. I'm not sure if I will venture outside until the season is over. The season of leaves. In hindsight, it was very well thought out invasion. Starting slowly with one leaf, earning my trust. When I look back and think of the early days of fall, I see a more naive, innocent person. A rake in hand and a smile on my face. Now,the thought of a lawn bag or a rake triggers cold sweats and violent shaking. I hope to live a normal life again, the thought of condo living is appealing to me.