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Hello Mr. Leaf

Updated on September 7, 2015

Well hey there Mr. Leaf, how are you? Ah, it’s that time of year again, the weather is getting cooler and the leaves are changing color. Let me just rake you up and start a pile in the yard. The colors are so pretty, I love the fall foliage. I was actually getting sick of mowing the grass, so raking and mulching will be a nice change of pace. Maybe I’ll have a bowl of chili and enjoy the football game when I’m done. Or I may sip on some apple cider and admire my handy work. Oh how I love the fall. Goodnight Mr. Leaf.

Oh wow, I just raked the yard yesterday and it doesn't look like it's been touched. Oh well, back to work. I guess this is the price I pay for all that summertime shade. Mr Leaf it looks like you had a little party last night, must have been a good one with all that wind. I've got leaves from down the street, the neighbors yard, and from the woods in the back. Alright guys, you know the drill, let's pile up and make nice. There, that wasn't so bad, I love a nice clean lawn.

This is ridiculous! I’ve spent the whole weekend raking and what do I have to show for it? A yard full of leaves and sticks! Stupid trees, how many of you are up there? I’m going to rake these leaves once again tonight and that’s it, no more. Any leaves that fall will just have to stay and it won’t bother me one bit. Stick to the roof, the windows, or the driveway if you want. See if I care!

For the Love of God I’m taking these trees down! I’m calling a tree service today, stump removal anyone? Look here Mr. Leaf, I’m done with you and your merry band of squatters! Go away! What is this some sort of movement? Occupy my lawn? What's your deal? I've raked, blown, piled and now it's time to feel the burn. That's right, time for a fire!

I have a yard full of ash, what a mess. My hair smells like a campfire and I'm out of options. My yard is still full of leaves. Are these Persian army leaves? They just keep coming down! I'm ready for winter, bring on the snow. I will shovel until the end of time, anything but leaves! I no longer care about the stupid foliage and the pretty trees. I want to see the bare, dead trees of winter.

Mr. Leaf, you have invaded my house at this point, my basement is full leaves that have spilled inside, ushered by the wind who is no doubt working with your miscreants. My car is not safe either, leaves have snuck through the slightest of openings and wedged their way inside the vents and dashboard. I jump at the sound of leaves crunching under footsteps. I fear for my sanity.

I write this from the safe confines of my bedroom, the shades are drawn, the lights dim. I'm not sure if I will venture outside until the season is over. The season of leaves. In hindsight, it was very well thought out invasion. Starting slowly with one leaf, earning my trust. When I look back and think of the early days of fall, I see a more naive, innocent person. A rake in hand and a smile on my face. Now,the thought of a lawn bag or a rake triggers cold sweats and violent shaking. I hope to live a normal life again, the thought of condo living is appealing to me.


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    • rcrumple profile image

      Rich 5 years ago from Kentucky

      I just jump on the mower, and mulch them up, and let them sit to fertilize the yard until next year. All the extras blow to my neighbors, who loves working in the yard year round. Hate to take his fun away. lol Good Job!

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

      I have three large trees in my front yard, not to mention the neighbor's trees, there is no keeping up! Thanks for reading Sharkye!

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks Jordan, they wear me down!

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

      Lucky you Sunshine, although I do love the fall!

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

      There just starting to come down, so I"ve got my rake and bag ready! Thanks Angie!

    • Sharkye11 profile image

      Jayme Kinsey 5 years ago from Oklahoma

      Haha! This is great! I love how the enthusiasm for the beauty of Autumn quickly changes to pleading for snow and tree blight! When we will ever learn we can't keep up with nature?

    • Jordanwalker39 profile image

      Jordanwalker39 5 years ago from NC

      This was so funny! Persian army leaves, cracked me up! Thanks for the hub it't going up everywhere.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Hey Pete! I hope Mr Leaf appreciates your letter, actually I'm sure he will :) Living in Orlando we don't have much of the fall season, we miss out on all the fun, well actually the mess! Yay!

    • Angie Jardine profile image

      Angie Jardine 5 years ago from Cornwall, land of the eternally youthful mind ...

      Funny read for us, weestro … shellshock for you. Or rather leafshock … tricky little blighters, leaves.

      You’ll feel better when they’ve turned to a pulpy, gloopy mess won’t you?

      Or maybe not … :)

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 6 years ago from Virginia

      Thank you guys for enjoying my pain!

    • time2rite profile image

      time2rite 6 years ago from Navarre, Fl, USA

      I loved this article and read it with a smile on my face and a laugh in my heart! Gotta love fall, huh? Thank you for putting such a unique and humorous twist to a season we often look at as a never ending fight to capture that last errant leaf!

    • carcro profile image

      Paul Cronin 6 years ago from Winnipeg

      I remember when I was a young boy, me and my friends could spend all day jumping in the leaves, we sure knew how to have fun back then. I love the smell of leaves on the ground. Thanks for sharing this Mr Leaf! Sure brought back the memories...

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 6 years ago from Virginia

      @Ardie - thanks, I appreciate that

      @Susan - Here in Va we never know what to expect come winter.

      @Rai - I'll give that a try!

      @jenu - 14 trees, enjoy!

      @pheobe - Thanks!

      @Zabbella - I think you're right, come Feb I'll miss the leaves

      @pinkchic - Does your husband travel?

      Thanks to all for reading and commenting, I just may go rake some leaves tonight!

    • Pinkchic18 profile image

      Sarah Carlsley 6 years ago from Minnesota

      Ugh! I hate leaves and raking. Beautiful write here. My husband loves to rake leaves, I don't know how he could!

    • Zabbella profile image

      Zabbella 6 years ago from NJ-USA

      I enjoyed this hub very much...we have a lot of trees out here too.The wind is fierce!

      When the dead of winter comes and much, much snow has to be'll look back to raking leaves as a rest. See, don't you feel better already?

    • profile image

      Phoebe Pike 6 years ago

      This hub is great, humorous, entertaining and all around awesome. :)

    • profile image

      jenubouka 6 years ago

      I also feel your pain, I just yelled at my 14 trees, taunting and teasing me, I told them to hurry up already, it is still nice enough not to freeze my ass off while raking up their crap.

    • rai2722 profile image

      rai2722 6 years ago

      Well, just consider it as a sport, raking all the leaves and bag it. Cheers!

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 6 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      After the leaves are all raked up, bagged and gone I have the snow to look forward to :(. I too feel your pain.

    • Ardie profile image

      Sondra 6 years ago from Neverland

      When I read the summary I had to see what this was about. I have a huge yard and I HATE RAKING! This is so funny, Im voting it all across and Up!! I feel your pain, man, I feel your pain.