Here's To Uncertainty

I need a word, a verb-

“perturb”, perhaps,

Encapsulates

My dreams of broken smiles.

Worthwhile it was but will it be

Perpetual?

It burns and stings, shouts and sings

Until the hill of pain

Becomes a mountain,

A dying fountain- not of youth, but of love.

I need a cause,

...a pause…

To sink my claws in this whirlwind of our souls.

In control but praying to lose the sanity I’ve found.

I’m afraid I can’t keep you, can’t reap you

For your spirit I’ve never sown. Was never shown

The emotions behind your thoughts.

Only the chains and locks behind your knots.

Twisted curves of inky blots

Upon my wrist.

I need a reason, a season of pleasing

Apart from this desolate winter fantasy.

Your frost is too cold. Yes, I’m bold.

But remaking the first move’s got me twisted.

I’ve enlisted my heart,

Insisted I’ve given you as many signs

As your sidewalk will hold.

But you just drive by.

So, stop

Or I’ll fly.

Away with the red lights, my fire dims.

Passion replaced by fury.

Sterile “I love yous” fuel fears of perjury.

Open-heart surgery and saline tears.

Prescriptions of indifference bleed bitter wounds dry.

Purged lies calm the tides.

Cast off your disguise

And fertilize

The devotion you claim.

I need a brave knight,

Or this dragon shall never be tamed.

"Here's to Certainty (a poem for the blinded heart)" is a performance piece. To truly experience the full potential of this poem, one must read it aloud. Although I recommend you make reading poetry aloud a routine, a performance piece should actually be read to an audience. Often times, performance poetry will contain alliteration, assonance, and rhyme to accentuate the poem's persona. Punctuation also plays a key role in the unfolding of a performance poem's events.

I wrote this particular poem several years ago during the beginning of my relationship with B (my husband). It was my heart's manifesto; a declaration of the fears I had at the time. You see, our love was actually born through lies, betrayal, and heartache. Although the story truly is as entertaining as it sounds, I'm not sharing the juicy details via prose. Not yet anyway. Until I feel comfortable candidly discussing that chapter of my life, I'll just have to express my memories through poetry.

The love B and I share began much like the popular "love triangle" theme in literature. In fact, a simple analogy speaks volumes of our beginning. B is Lancelot and I am Guinevere. Lucky for us, our tale played out quite differently than that of our Medieval counterparts. In fact, we are happily adding new pages to our story everyday... *wink*

Unfortunately, love triangles do not always lead to ultimate bliss. A guilty conscience, the sin of infidelity, and a mind full of insecurities can rip the very fabric of any love apart. Hence, I wrote a poem to speak my fears and face reality.

There really are no guarantees when it comes to matters of the heart. Love can be a fickle companion. It takes compromise and adaptation to maintain a healthy relationship and, in the end, no matter how much time and devotion you invest, there is always the chance that your love will fade. In truth, the heart is always blind.

It was this uncertainty of my heart's future that caused me to reach for the pen. And, as luck shall have it, fear of a broken heart makes a wonderful muse. The words, imagery, and metaphors in this poem really illustrate how I felt during that point in our relationship.

About the Photo...

I took this picture of B during one of our usual New Year's firework fests. While the shower of sparks around B are quite stunning, I find that it's his silhouette that gives the photo an alluring quality. Overall, I think this picture does a great job of symbolizing the mystery and wonder behind our relationship.