Hesitate

This is a poem about suicide. Suicide is a very serious problem and anyone considering it should seek help immediately.

At least a tear will fall from my eye tonight as I bid it all good bye

I’ll cry for me and what it couldn’t be

I managed to fuck it all up I can see

I wondered and wondered and still couldn’t figure

But I know now how you pulled that trigger

I’ve wished and hoped with all my might

Realizing now I cant win this fight

But still I hesitate

I cant see the light in this dark night

My life, a pathetic sight

Memories of what my life has been

I wish I could hit rewind and start again

Its all my own fault I’m sure

This curse which with I was bore

don’t dare to comfort or put me at ease

For fear of contracting my deadly disease

Now I sit back and wonder why

Does god really love me, or is it a lie

I’m no longer afraid

Into the ashes I will fade

But still I hesitate

I cant see the light in this dark night

My life, a pathetic sight

Memories of my life play in my head

I wish I could hit fast forward and be dead

I wrote this after my older brother had committed suicide.  It was a very dark and painful time in my life. I dedicate this to him.