Hide and Not Seek

This life makes me nervous, ashamed of who I’ve become

There is my real self and then there’s this shell

Don’t look at me now while I’m tired and weak

I’ll just run away to hide and never to seek

The world moves too quickly, my eyes can’t keep up

The lights are too bright, everything is a blur

My head’s a balloon that is filled up with gas

The moment I lose my grip it will fly away fast

Embarrassed by my life, I think I’ll hide and not seek

To find life’s pearls, the things that are great

What if I find them, then look like a fool as I fail?

Life gave me A Boo, now I don’t want to Peek

I need a new friend who cares and understands

But I don’t want them to think that this Me’s the real Dan

If I didn’t know me, I’d think that I was a freak

I think I’ll just run off to hide and not seek

I always run away to hide then not seek

I cry to God to help me but the infection runs deep

I’ve been sick for so long that my confidence is gone

Until the day that I’m back in, no more out of my mind

I’ll still pray for the day that I can come out and find

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***No, this poem is not indicative of my current writing abilities or emotional make-up. This was one of the many poems that I wrote over the past Decade (The Oughts), while I recovered from a major closed-head injury. These are snapshot views of the emotional turmoil which I experienced during my recovery. While I’m hesitant to put my stamp of approval on these poems the way they are, I’m rather proud of the life lessons they reveal- in a manner so raw that I don’t want to compromise the integrity of each message by reworking it! So this is one of my original, raw pieces of writing which served as my personal therapy, and now documents a portion of my journey.