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Hide and Not Seek

Updated on October 26, 2015

Hide and Not Seek

 

This life makes me nervous, ashamed of who I’ve become

There is my real self and then there’s this shell

Don’t look at me now while I’m tired and weak

I’ll just run away to hide and never to seek

 

The world moves too quickly, my eyes can’t keep up

The lights are too bright, everything is a blur

My head’s a balloon that is filled up with gas

The moment I lose my grip it will fly away fast

 

Embarrassed by my life, I think I’ll hide and not seek

To find life’s pearls, the things that are great

What if I find them, then look like a fool as I fail?

Life gave me A Boo, now I don’t want to Peek

 

I need a new friend who cares and understands

But I don’t want them to think that this Me’s the real Dan

If I didn’t know me, I’d think that I was a freak

I think I’ll just run off to hide and not seek

 

I always run away to hide then not seek

I cry to God to help me but the infection runs deep

I’ve been sick for so long that my confidence is gone

Until the day that I’m back in, no more out of my mind

I’ll still pray for the day that I can come out and find

 

**************************************************************************************************

***No, this poem is not indicative of my current writing abilities or emotional make-up. This was one of the many poems that I wrote over the past Decade (The Oughts), while I recovered from a major closed-head injury. These are snapshot views of the emotional turmoil which I experienced during my recovery. While I’m hesitant to put my stamp of approval on these poems the way they are, I’m rather proud of the life lessons they reveal- in a manner so raw that I don’t want to compromise the integrity of each message by reworking it! So this is one of my original, raw pieces of writing which served as my personal therapy, and now documents a portion of my journey.

"Tears and Rain" -James Blunt

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    • katiem2 profile image

      katiem2 7 years ago from I'm outta here

      aim4strz, this is a beautifully honest expression of the human condition. I myself feel like this at times and you so brillantly put into words that creepy feeling that can hang over any of us at any given time. I'm so happy you've healed from your head injury, I'll assume you've healed. Peace :)

    • aim4strz profile image
      Author

      Daniel Austhof 7 years ago from West Michigan

      Thank you Lady E,

      I'm always grateful for any support and encouragement. And yes, one never KNOWS- life could provide either a big drop or a big lift. I'm still praying for the latter.

    • Lady_E profile image

      Elena 7 years ago from London, UK

      Lovely Poem, so deep. Thanks for sharing.

      I understand how sometimes it’s hard to look up

      Cos, one never knows life could bring a big drop.

      Keep on confessing the Word on your life

      It will eventually end all the strife.

      *

      People who used to look at you as though you were nothing

      Will be amazed at your new success - their Jaws dropping.

      You will come out from that shell and all the pain

      There’s so much in life you still have to gain.

      Stay strong

    • aim4strz profile image
      Author

      Daniel Austhof 7 years ago from West Michigan

      chrismarva,

      thanks for your comment and I'm glad that my poem portrays this emotion in a way you can feel. Like I mention at the end, I don't even want to fine-tune these writings much, or risk altering this moment in time.

      Take Care & God Bless,

    • chrismarva profile image

      chrismarva 7 years ago

      I can see what you were feeling at the time. Very well written, I like it.

    • aim4strz profile image
      Author

      Daniel Austhof 7 years ago from West Michigan

      Thank you MPM, I appreciate any support I can get. The serious depression issues are behind me already, but although the storm has ended, the sky's still cloudy. (My writings which are simplistic and not really that good, were probably written while my head injury was healing). Thanks again.

    • manlypoetryman profile image

      manlypoetryman 7 years ago from (Texas !) Boldly Writing Poems Where No Man Has Gone Before...

      Alright...aim4stars...that was about "spot-on" when describing how one feels in depression. These pics you use...say alot...as well...Well done!

      There are always much things better down the road...when you leave that depression crap...far behind! Sincerely, MPM