Women-Do Listen and Obey! HILARIOUS

~ The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What... does a woman want?" ~ Freud

This is really hilarious & very creative. I love humor in all forms, therefore I always add some personal touch in it. I always tell my friends I am suffering from "Happilia". They ask me what the heck is that.

Actually word "Happilia" is my own creation. Here is the defination...... Always happy, lots of sense of humor. I believe it is true because my friends and family always enjoy my company. I hope you will enjoy this hub too. Please always leave your precious thoughts.

Every word has two meanings, the real meaning & the opposite (Denotation & Connotation)

Please stay focus, do not get distracted & understand the way you want too. Have fun.........

Women Do Listen and Obey!!

1.The doctor says, "Please take off your clothes, legs up and scoot your bottom to the end of the table."

2. The dentist says, "Please open wide"

3. The hairdresser asks her, "Do you want it teased or blown".

4. The milkman asks her, "Do you want it in the front or in back?

5. The Interior Decorator tells her, "Once you have it all in, you'll love it!”

6. The banker tells her, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest"

7. The police officer tells her, "Spread 'em"

8. The Mailman, always delivers his package.
9. The pilot takes off fast and then slows down.

10. The hunter always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.

Facts About Women

1) Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.

2) Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

3) Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand".

4) Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

5) Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

6) Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

7) Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.

8) Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

9) Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.

10) If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

11) Women brush their hair before bed.

12) Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.

13) Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, "It's there in the Bible".

14) The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

15) Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

16) Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

17) A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.

18) Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'

19) Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.

20) "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman- language than it does in man- language.

21) Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.

22) If it is not Valentine's day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"

23) Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?

24) It's okay for women to kiss each other and not be gay.

25) Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.

26) The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party.

Finally, something other than smiley faces....

Perfect breasts
(o)(o)

Fake silicone breasts
( + )( + )

Perky breasts
(*)(*)

Big nipple breasts
(@)(@)

A cups
o o

D cups
{ O }{ O }

Wonder bra breasts
(oYo)

Cold breasts
( ^ )( ^ )

Lopsided breasts
(o)(O)

Pierced Breasts
(Q)(O)

Hanging Tassels Breasts
(p)(p)

Against The Shower Door Breasts
( )( )

Android Breasts
| o | | o |

Martha Stewart's Breasts
($)($)

OK Girls--now that you have had your laugh, remember breast cancer awareness -- so have those boobs checked out and stay healthy...

"Fine"
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

"Five Minutes"
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

"Nothing"
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

"Go Ahead"
This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

"Loud Sigh"
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

"That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

"Thanks"
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

The following took place at an international conference for women's rights.

The first speaker, a lady from England stood and said, "During last year's conference, we spoke about being more assertive with our
husbands. Well, after the conference, I went home and told my husband, Barrington, that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself.
After the first day, I saw nothing. The second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day, I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."

(The crowd cheered).

The second speaker from Russia, stood up and said, "After last year's conference, I went home and told my husband, Ivan, that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself.The first day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing,
but on the third day, I saw that he had done not only his own washing, but mine as well.

(The crowd again cheered).

The third speaker, a Jamaican lady, stood up and said," After lass year's conference, I wen home and tole dat lazy husband of mines, Dingo Jack, dat I was froo pickin up his beer cans, cookin his tucker and washing his undaweah and dat he was goin to haf to do dem himself.
(The crowd went wild with cheering and clapping that lasted for five long minutes).

She continued...........................


"Afta da first day, I nevah see nuffing.

Afta da second day I nevah see nuffing,


but afta da fird day, I could see a little bit out of my leff eye.

                                       QUOTE OF THE DAY