How Everyone is Technically a Nerd

While not carrying anywhere near the insincerity, the word "nerd" has often carried quite a punch. Back in elementary school, I remember being teased with the word. I still remember that as a 25-year-old (that's pretty old right?), but over the years I have come to a rather significant realization. Every single one of us are nerds in some way. Yes, even those bullies that used to piledrive us on the playground (Don't think I've forgotten, Michael from 4th grade) are nerds. I've compiled a list of exactly how each and every person on this earth can be classified a nerd based on the basic concepts of "nerd-dom."

Nothing sets off the nerd alarm like when you start talking about things such as Dungeons and Dragons or Pokemon. How can nerds get so caught up in things that mean absolutely nothing in the real world? These D&D dorks will just pretend to be medieval knights, magicians, or whatever and spend hours participating in imaginary scenarios that serve no purpose at all! I mean, you're not actually combating trolls in a forest. You are literally sitting in a chair while rolling dice. Also, how can you be into Pokemon or Magic: the Gathering? It's all just fake! Fake, fake, faaaaaaaaake, I say!

Okay, I'm going to take a little break from this article to check on my fantasy football team, Multiple Scoregasms. Hold on, this is the exact same thing!

I have a couple fantasy football drafts coming up, and I'll be damned if I can't have Calvin Johnson on my team. The guy is like the Charizard of the National Football League (or should I say that Charizard is the Calvin Johnson of Pokemon?). Here's the point: millions of people every year get together in fantasy football leagues to draft players for their fake teams and compete each other. Some compete for money, while many (perhaps most) just compete for kicks and giggles. We want the best players on our team to beat the players on the other team.

Drew Brees, I choose you!

Considering that I, personally, do most of my work through a computer, I fall into this stereotypical idea. Why don't you go out and do stuff instead of sitting on the stupid computer all the time? You do know that it ruins your eyesight, don't you? In fact, I'm going to update my Facebook status to let everyone know to stay off the computer. Wait. Hold on...

Oh yes, I'm looking at you self-absorbed people who believe that every thought should be documented for everyone to see.

"But I do a lot of that stuff with my phone," I hear some of you exclaim.

I hate to break it to everyone, but these little smartphones and tablets that everyone is running around with nowadays are pretty much the pinnacle of our technological advancement to date. Considering that a majority of the people I know own and enjoy these little gadgets, a majority of the people I know are even nerdier than those they consider nerds.

You may be "out" and "enjoying life," but if you're spending all of this time "out" with your face buried in your phone, it's not only different but worse than what your accusing these so-called nerds of. Staring at your cell phone while with people is the perfect way to broadcast that you'd much rather be with someone else at that moment.

I've heard this one so much over the years. So you wrote your undergraduate thesis on the Doppler effect, but can you tell me how to replace the clutch in my pickup truck? You know, because fixing cars is for men, by God. Now I could simply flip the argument and end my talking point here, but I'm going to, instead, break these arguments down.

The idea of being a skilled worker relies on the fact that you know certain things that sets you apart from every other schmuck on this earth. Long story short, you learn to specialize in certain skills. Or, of course, you could be a bartender at a find dining restaurant. Before you criticize people for devoting their entire attention to certain skills, philosophies, or areas of science, examine what it is that you do.

Call me an optimist, but I happen to believe that everyone is an expert in some realm. I happen to know a homeless guy who sits on a corner here in downtown Bowling Green and plays the absolute shit out of some spoons (we call him "Spoons"). The guy can barely speak coherent English, but he is able to take a pair of regular spoons and make freaking music from them. Should he be considered a "nerd" for this?

We're all nerds, whether we like it or not. In today's age where being lame is somehow ironic, which in turn makes you cool, I can't be certain of much anymore. One thing is for certain though, the term "nerd" as a social slur in forever over. A little over ten years ago, I can remember punching a kid right in the nose because he called me a nerd, but now the term is so universal that I would simply give that kid a look of bewilderment now.