How I Made Sure That Sir Newton Would Discover Gravity
Hey, can you keep a secret? If you can, then I will tell you one. Oh, this is such a great one, the world would be thunder-struck to know this.
But hey, are you sure you can keep that big mouth of yours shut? If not, then please reading this article and go for the next one, cause this one's not for you.
You sure? Okay then. Here it is:
I had a time machine. My great-great-great-great grandson used it to come to my time and gave it to me.(He was pretty handsome...hahaha) Anyway, I used the time machine to venture in the past. Future seemed way too much complicated to me, so I always went back to the past.
One day, I found myself in an apple orchard. The orchard was empty, except for a person who was sitting under a tree. I went closer and was amazed to see that the person was Sir Isaac Newton himself. He seemed to be writing poems! Ridiculous! Wasn't it? I mean, he should have been trying to discover gravity. But on the contrary, he was writing rubbish poems (his sense of poetry was nonsense).
I thought it was my duty to point out the matter to him. That, I tried to do. But I think my approach wasn't quite right.
I stood in front of him and coughed a little and he looked up.
Me: Good morning, Sir. I'm really sorry to disturb you, but shouldn't you be trying to discover gravity?
I took a deep breath and said-
"Sir, you should be trying to discover gravity. Or else, all of us would float away to space, don't you understand?
Newton didn't look much concerned about gravity. He looked back to his copy on his lap and started writing again. I decided to take the matter in my own hands. But first, I took his copy and threw it away over the wall of the orchard. He didn't look pleased though.
Newton:Preposterous! Why did you that? Are you insane? Do you have any idea how hard I had to work on those last three lines for a week?
Me: I'm really sorry, Sir, again. But this is urgent. Look at me.
I started flapping my wings like a bird and started to jump up and down on the spot.
Me: Look.......SIr.......I am.......coming back...............to the ground .......every.....time.....I.....Jump. What......does....this..make you....think?
Newton: It makes me think that you are mentally distorted. I really should find someone to take you home.
By that time, I was exhausted from continuous jumping. I realized - the Newton we talk about now wasn't so brilliant before. I wish i had a stick to beat him black and blue.
But then, I suddenly had the though. Of course! I had to try with apples, because that's what history tells us - Newton discovered gravity by seeing an apple fall.
I asked Newton to stand there and wait. Then I started to climb the apple tree. "What now?", he muttered. After much labor I reached on a branch and reached for an apple and I threw it down and said, "Take this. What does this make you think?"
Newton: (Furiously) Get down from there this instance!
Me: Shut up! Discover gravity first. Here goes apple number two.(I threw another apple)
Newton: You idiot! Get your feet on the ground! Now!
Me: Here goes number three....four......five......six.......
Newton: (Jumping repeatedly in anger) Get down! Now! Stop throwing those apples! Those are my apple! You are spoiling them! Stop! Stop! Stop!!
But I went on and on. After throwing the fourteenth I looked down to ask if Newton managed to discover gravity by then. But unfortunately, the branch could not hold me any longer. It broke. The gravity, which I was trying to make Newton discover, took me straight to the ground.
I didn't know if my fall had surprised Newton. He stopped shouting and was gazing at me as if I were a delicious apple myself which he was wishing to eat.
Me: What? Why are you looking at me like that?
Newton: Why did you fall downwards?
Me: Bad luck, that's why I was not lucky enough to fall upwards.
Newton: No, no, wait. You could have fallen upwards. But, I think, the Earth attracted you and you fell down.
Me: (irritated) Yeah. And be careful. The Earth can attract your pants too, if it is not tight enough.
Newton: (muttering to himself) I see a great possibility! Yes, yes, of course. The Earth's attraction................
I soon realized that my work there was done. I got up (having much pain in my back) and returned to my time before I had to hurt myself again while teaching him things like - how to tie your shoes etc.
So, I was a hero, for whom Newton was able to discover gravitational energy.
The historians mentioned the apple and the tree, but left me out. How infuriating!
Now you know the truth. And you know how I sacrificed my back for the good of mankind. Oh! My back still hurts sometimes. Since then, I have never been able to sit straight in class!