How To Be Cool - An Instruction Manual
Congratulations on making the decision to become a cool person! Just by opening this page you've made the first of many steps to transform yourself into a hipper, cooler you. This is the latest in our cool series manuals and is a must have for every teen!
Included are several ways to help you look, act, and feel cooler. This manual will walk you through a step by step transformation. Let’s begin!
Slow down! Do not move too fast. In doing so, you may look productive and therefore not cool. Make sure to walk slow, almost aimlessly. As you sway from side to side, people will know you are in no hurry whatsoever.
Look tired! Be sure to look tired at all times. Of course you didn't sleep last night, who has the time for that? Not you, you have parties to go to and people to see!
Talk slow! Make sure when you’re talking to someone you seem very uninterested in what they are saying. When answering, be sure to use measured monotone responses. It's best to mutter your responses under your breath, because you are misunderstood!
Don’t laugh – Unless it’s a sort of demeaning laugh, it’s unacceptable. Laughing conveys the message that you are having a good time or enjoying the company you're with, hopefully this is not the case. You are usually surrounded by people who are far less cooler than you, such as parents. If you are stuck with your parents, be sure to constantly roll your eyes and voice your displeasure.
Do not use manners - This is crucial. Saying thank you, or even worse please, could give the wrong impression. The last thing you want to do on your quest to be cool is sound polite.
Okay, Let’s move on to fashion. Clothes aren't just keeping you warm. They are your way of expressing yourself! Make sure to stay fashionable with the following accessories!
Sunglasses– The bigger the better. White sunglasses are ideal. Make sure you wear them at all times, the sun shouldn't be a factor. Sunglasses are also a great way to avoid eye contact. Your supposed to be seen, not see anyone else.
Phone- This may just be the single most important accessory you can have. Your cell phone is vital to maintaining your status. Facebook updates, tweeting, and texting let you express your views and keep in touch with all your cool friends!
Hoods - Hoods are a great way to look cool. Not just for cold weather, wear your hood indoors, while lounging, or while protesting.
Headphones – A must have for every cool person. Music is the soundtrack to your life and your ear buds or head phones are the veins that carry the beat to your ears.
There are do's and don'ts when it comes to driving, don't be a square, follow these tips to look cool while driving.
Drive slow when you should be driving fast Other people are none of your concern, traffic waits for you. Make sure to put the seat way back and drive at a leisurely speed on expressways, or make others wait at a red light while you finish that text message.
Drive fast when you should be driving slow- Going through a residential neighborhood? Driving through a parking lot? Now's the time to drive fast, rules don't apply to you so fly through these areas with reckless abandon!
Do not signal - Signaling doesn't apply to you, so don't bother. Just sort of slowly merge over into the lane, or just stop in the middle of the road before turning.
After market accessories - Enhance your Dodge Neon or Honda Civic with one of those big loud mufflers. The louder the better, you want to make sure you wake people up with the powerful sound of your four cylinder compact vehicle!
With this manual, you should have the building blocks for your foundation. Becoming a cool person is no easy task. Follow the steps above at all times and call our toll free number if you have any questions. We will have operators standing by to assist you with any questions. Good luck and remember, stay cool.