ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing»
  • How to Write»
  • How to Get Published

How to Avoid Becoming a Published Author

Updated on March 4, 2010
  1. Do not write anything too extensive. Keep spreading your thoughts and ideas across many projects, keep expanding and developing into new directions.
  2. Do not stick to the same project every day or every week. It is much more fun and relaxing to alternate between stories as your mood suits you. If in a bright mood, write about fun things without substance. If in a dark mood, write a poem about the end of civilization as we know it.
  3. Show your work to the world before it is ready to be published. Get some friends to tell you how great you are, then you can relax and do not have to go the extra mile.
  4. Burn some bridges. When you make professional contacts, do not show them courtesy beyond what suits your immediate needs. If they disappoint you in any way, shape or form, show them the door and move on to create some new contacts, there are plenty where they came from.
  5. Join writers’ groups and share your stories of misery and betrayal with them. This will give you a soothing feeling, and spare you from confronting your own shortcomings. More important, it will give you some valuable time off from writing.
  6. Contemplate, don’t write. Theories, concepts, and ideas are much more appealing in the long run than sitting down to write sentence upon sentence, paragraph upon paragraph, page upon page. Remember, no book ever wrote itself, and words do not come cheap to most people. But you, being a grand philosopher, deserve to free up your energy to think clearly, unhindered by the laborious task of writing through a heavy project.
  7. Do not edit your own work. You are entitled to your typos, grammatical errors, logical inconsistencies, flawed plots, and more.
  8. Do not transform critique into action. If someone tells you to do things differently, thank them warmly and move on to other projects.
  9. Do not submit your work. Literary agents and publishers are elitist snobs that exist merely for the purpose of rejecting people such as you, instead favoring others who were born with a silver spoon in their mouth, connected, or otherwise unreasonably gifted. If you have submitted and were rejected, lick your wounds and repeat the same mistake no more.
  10. Do not take "yes" for an answer. If someone in the publishing world praises you, they are probably after your copyright or your money.

You will be safe and dry, wholesome, and pleasantly obscure.

Comments

Submit a Comment

  • ACSutliff profile image

    ACSutliff 7 years ago

    Fiction Factory,

    It seems I'm not avoiding becoming a published author nearly enough! I'd better step it up a notch, or in maybe four or five years, I might actually mail out one of those query letters to someone. Too funny!

  • lmmartin profile image

    lmmartin 8 years ago from Alberta and Florida

    This is a truly excellent article and I will direct some of the writers I coach to come and read it. How very true. I'd add another one -- don't bother getting any of your work in any state even resembling order and completion before devoting your days to writing query letters. Thanks Fiction Factory.

  • Fiction Factory profile image
    Author

    Fiction Factory 8 years ago

    Thanks AEvans, you are very kind. The satire was unintended, maybe...

  • AEvans profile image

    Julianna 8 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

    I followed your feed, this is certainly useful, practical and I detect a little bit of satire, lololo. So many lessons can be learned in this hub alone, I certainly hope that others read it and bookmark this hub. :)

  • Fiction Factory profile image
    Author

    Fiction Factory 8 years ago

    Thanks Merlin Fraser, it is pleasing to hear you found it useful. Seven years ago, maybe we were still attending the School of Hard Knocks. You're here now, we're here now, that's what really matters. Good luck on your publishing venture!

  • Merlin Fraser profile image

    Merlin Fraser 8 years ago from Cotswold Hills

    Great Hub...Geat advice ( especially numbers 2, 7 and 9) but where the hell were you guys seven years ago when I was bitten by the bug ?

    I endrose your number 2 above, I bounce around and love to switch genre, I have just finished six years of work with a trilogy of stories in the Murder Mystery mould, all with a slight paranormal twist. Now I need to get back to a kids story I have been playing with for ages...

    Course the trick now is I need lots of PR and marketing without going broke !

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)