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Super Short Story: "How to Spit Across the Galaxy"

Updated on July 22, 2017

At one point, when I was young, I could spit further than the rest of my classmates and friends. There wasn't a kid on the block that could launch a loogie the distance that I had achieved. I was the Intergalactic Spitting Competition Champion, and had beaten some of the galaxy's toughest and veteraned long distance loogie launchers, this side of the Milky Way!

How, you may ask, did I accomplish this? It took a little practice, and determination, but most of all, it took imagination. You cannot actually spit across the galaxy, unless of course you are already in Outer Space, or think you are, which I do!

Everyone thought I was crazy at first. I guess I am a little whacky, but that's besides the point. They all thought I was off my rocker, looney I tell you, but I proved them wrong one day, and they were the ones left looking insane.

When I spit across the galaxy, time paused as each head snapped to the left in slow-motion, staring at the flash of light in the sky like a shooting star, and as it crested the horizon, it hit Jimmy Thomson directly in the eye!

The "Wow's" of wonder could be heard throughout the neighborhood as I had finally proven to everyone that I was the Spitting Champion of the Galaxy. They begged me to do it again, but mouth had run dry of spit and not a loogie could be hacked from the depths of my throat. I retired that day, taking my title with me and as I walked into the sunset, towards Berkley Avenue, they followed me home. one by one, chanting my name!

Spit-wad Launcher in Action!

They didn't have these when I was a kid!

Speaking of spitting contests...this sweet spit-wad launcher would have been awesome for summer fun, when I was growing up in the 1980's. Apparently, there is no actual spit required. Back then, my friends and I just used spit (with out the wad). Eventually, we upgraded to the spit-soaked paper wad and straw technique, but that was about as fancy as it got back then! My nephew has one of these things and is absolutely in love with it! Can you spit across the Galaxy? Give it a shot!

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© 2017 Matthew Hotaling

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