How to Use Dialogue to Show the Character of a Character

Bill, great examples above and love the advice of trying to write in terms of the opposite polar to see how dialogue can be conveyed in more then way. Thanks for exampling this here and wishing you a great weekend now!

Well, again today you've given me some insight that I've never thought about. It inspires me to get out one of my hubs, a short story that HP put in the locker, and see if it needs adverb fine tuning. Then after a redeaux maybe I'll republish. I had to laugh at your description of your cousin because Mr. B is the master of the mixed metaphor.

It also reminds me of something my boss said once when laughing about his family. He said that his brother-in-law was a rocket scientist, which "proves that you don't have to be a rocket scientist to be a rocket scientist." Have a happy fruitful day, my friend.

"This isn't rocket surgery". Too funny! I call that "my tongue got in front of my eye teeth and I couldn't see what I was saying". That happens to me when I try to have my mouth keep up with my mind.

Anyway, you provide great tips here, Bill. One thing writers really need to watch out for is redundancy. I can just see you cringing when you read that line on page 146.

We can often tell a reader more about a character with one line of dialogue than we can with two paragraphs of narration.

Good advice, Bill.

As I've said myself, just a few times, and as you say here, we have so many words to choose from. Why don't people use more variety?

Your pointers towards good character clues in dialogue are invaluable.

In a similar vein, what about dialogue for mood? Personally, I think gesture and body language convey that best but there are ways within dialogue, although I find that quite difficult. So here's my question for one of your Monday pieces: How do you convey mood in dialogue? (You've probably already done something to follow on from this hub; if so, ignore my question!)

Huge frost this morning but loads of lovely sunshine, then a bleak grey sky. We get so much in one day, even in winter! Enjoy your Friday, bill.

Ann :)

I love this! Of course we need narration to set the scene and move the action along, but it's not the way I want to learn about a character. I don't want to be told endless details about them (especially with superfluous adverbs!). I want to hear them speak to others, or even talk to themselves if they're that kind of person. Great points about conveying emotions through dialogue - I'll have to work on that.

Why do I love the word 'wordsmith'? I think maybe because it implies a craft, moulding and creating and coming up with something fresh and new. I'm happy and honoured to be a 'wordsmith friend'. Thank you, bill!

Ann

It's funny the way we usually notice when a line jars, and how we don't notice when it's well written. I suppose being a writer is partly about knowning what works and what doesn't, but it's easy to write stuff that is easy to write because of the very fact is is easy to write - great writing takes more time. Nevertheless, it's useful to have someone on our proverbial shoulders (billybuc, for instance) reminding us about those redundant adverbs, lest we forget. Good one, Bill.

Word count stinks. I think I see a lot of overuse of words simply to make word count. Maybe that is my cynical nature or maybe because I have caught myself doing it.

You deserve an extra-good weekend for that! :))

Today was the perfect day for me to read this, Bill.

I often mentally take note of conversations when I am out and at times I take notes, on my notepad or laptop.

Today there were two men standing very near my table at the local cafe which is tiny. I could hear every word without eavesdropping. They made no effort to keep what they were saying secret so I did not feel intrusive.

Some day I may use their words in a passage. It was quite the conversation, very animated.

Thanks again for a lesson in writing....one can never learn too much about this craft.

Many Angels are on the way to you this morning ps

Voted up++++ shared g+ tweeted

Interesting article. My critique group is currently working on dialogue, and I have shared this out. I like the suggested exercise of polar opposites, or just writing the same dialogue from different emotions.

Just?!! It'll certainly be a busy one! Enjoy! :)

Ann

Thanks for another lesson! I always learn from you, Bill.

Humming bird in a windstorm. Great metaphor. Have you ever written about using metaphors? Original and not clichés. Like your hummingbird metaphor. The lesson on limiting the use of adverbs is an important one. For the longest time, I didn't understand all the advice to writers about not using adverbs. In a nutshell, "Show don't tell." For example: "He pounded the table with his fist. 'Get me some damned water.'"

Ourselves as others see us. 'Hold the mirror while you admire me'.

Something like that.

That quote: 'Get me the damned water now!' could be the last resort after a series of civil requests. The first time would've been 'Can you get me that water please?' Second time: 'I said, can you get me that water, please?' Third time: 'Would you get me that water?'

Desperation sets in: 'I need that water. Can you get me it?'

I can sympathise. It's happened to me as well, but not with water.

The way you see/hear yourself might have no bearing on the way others do.

Sometimes we come out with little phrases we think are clever or witty. Then the groans come. That's one balloon popped, ego deflated.

Then again we sometimes come out with corny quips on purpose and everybody groans on cue. Bam-bam! That's when you know you're among friends.

Just don't come quipping too often or it's curtains, see what I mean, mate? As long as it's understood. There are many moments like that for Ivar in the RAVENFEAST saga, except not so modern-sounding - and his friend Saeward reads his thoughts almost as soon as he's voiced them.

As always, so helpful for fiction writing. Your advice is extremely invaluable. LOL.

"A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others." This quote touches my very being. You, dear Bill, are the light we have come to depend on.

I appreciate today's lesson. I suspect I am guilty of using adverbs in some of my hubs. I'll be revising these hubs. :) I didn't know better back then, but I do now.

Thanks dear friend.

Love,

Audrey

Interesting topic. I once wrote a piece using a pair of old worn out shoes as a metaphor. I loved doing that. Thank's for another great lesson on using dialogue..

Hello, Bill. It's DJ.

I simply wanted to pop in and let you know I'm still around.

Love the new picture of Bev. She's much too young for you.

You know what that makes you? A dirty old man!

Your answer is, "Every chance I get!" Ba-da-bing!

Now, I know that Monday Mailbag is coming up and I have a very important question to ask you.

Bill, have you cut your long hair, yet?

Thanks,

DJ.

Great hub! I loved the tips to use in determining character traits. Thanks for sharing!

1250 words? Damn I'm under the limit! Guess I'd better start some conversations.

At the end of the Catholic Mass, the priest used to say, "this mass is ended." A friend of ours after his first mass said,"this ass is mended." I'm wondering if the rocket surgeon could mend this ass.

Voted all including funny. Thank you for another lesson.

nice, still awaiting the ebook bill

Yes! Preach it. I just finished Stephen King's "On Writing," and if there is anything now ingrained in my brain, it's that adverbs are evil. I've never really liked them, but now I sneer in disgust at the sight of them. They are a lazy writer's scapegoat. It all comes back down to the 'show, don't tell' rule. Simple, yet many still make that mistake.

I'm reading a YA thriller that likes to go off, between dialogue and action sets, into long backstory paragraphs. By page 5, I was bored. Why shove bad writing down kid's throats? Shouldn't we trained them from day one?

Screenwriting has taught me to tell a complete story, with a full character arc, in as few words as possible.

If you ever see my writing get sloppy with adverbs, please take out your red pen and write me a nice note.

"Deal?" the author said, humorously.

I think I just threw up.

You always remind me that I need to work at my writing instead of just doing it. Ugh. There is so much to do. Thanks for another good one.

Very beautiful and and one more most useful lesson from you. Thanks for always trying to improve our writing skills and knowledge.

billy,

This is a great psychology I could learn and will be used someday. Talking about character is sometimes confusing. Now, I have understood few tips to use in some situations.

Thanks for making the hub.

billybuc

I wrote a long comment and hit the wrong key, and now I am back sans comment.

Great hub and food for thought.

Remember that I am analytically wired.

I can see the example in several modes. Certainly, the one that you gave here. But, I can also make an argument that his use of the word rudely was given to the reader to hear the shouting in a rude manner. The use of the all caps is just shouting without emphasis on how it would sound.

That shouting phrase could have just been monotone, while rudely would fixate into the reader the tone, and not just the rude words.

The word dammed is probably one of the most polite words today, especially when compared to other choices of the four letter words ending in en.

Also, the phrase, get me some water is more respectful than dammend water in a shout, but Please may I have some water would be polite.

The context of the example is unknown as well as the normal demeanor of the character. If this is not a newly introduced character at page 146, then we would know how the character speaks.

The comment using the word Rudely gives the phrase that follows a substitute for the inotation of the phrase. We could say that say shouting phrase in a number of different tones and delivery, and each could be connotated differently by the listener, while unknown to a reader.

For example

The person that would be giving the water could have been holding the water and the shouting just meant that the character didn't want to wait any longer for the water.

So the thought is whether the writer was being superfluous, or was he adding emphasis, or impact by using the word rudely to preface the phrase?

The use of rudely could mean discourteous, while the phrase is obviously rude but it could have been said in frustration rather than anger.

As a stand alone sentence, rudely gives some idea on how we should hear it when we read it. With contest and previous character development we would be better able to perceive the meaning of the phrase at this point.

The writer knows whether the phrase alone would be rude under the context of it being spoken, so why would he add the comment rudely, unless it wasn't that obvious.

He could have replaced the word Rudely with Sternly, or Jokingly, or even frustratingly.

I could have just been rambling in the bramble. lol

the written word or words changed so much and so drastic.. I was having a conversation with a young adult and what bugged me was his speech... and he wants to be a writer too.... he keeps saying..." I been told my mother i was going to be late... and if you don't believe me axe my brother.. he seened me... hmmm.. I use his dialogue in a few shorts.. because even though it drives me nuts.. he speaks in that fashion... thank you for setting the words straight bullybuc...:)

No kidding! Word choice and syntax are so telling of what's going on in the mind, as well as where this character came from both geographically and developmentally. I'm reading this book "The Stuff of Thought" by Steven Pinker. Long, tough and technical book on linguistics and how the mind shapes thought and language. You'd appreciate it for sure.

Happily voting up and sharing, of course! (Like the adverb?)

Ha Ha I loved your hub especially because we had to endure a family member yesterday evening. Thank-goodness this person is only once a year in our space, so we can tolerate her, but what a control freak! After reading your hub I was inspired to get back to my characters in my novel Parallel Worlds and I now MUST also get back to the self employed housewife sage and finish this ebook!

As always very useful.

Great advice Bill and another reason it is so important to read over our work well before publishing it. I think we can pick up on those things about ourselves if we use a critical eye. Up and sharing.

billybuc

I have been told that many people like reading books, rather than seeing the story in a movie. The reason I was given was that each reader can visualize in their own mind, but in the screenplay the writer has fixed the visualization. I say that I was told because I don't read fiction and I prefer movies.

My wife most of the time that the book was better than the movie. I find this hard to believe in the case of the Bourne series because there is so much action to describe. At least for her, she can live the story that she reads, while I read a story but I can't live in the story.

Probably because I had to read so many text books, reading isn't fun. I get distracted by my surroundings when I read.

Here is a nickel, you owe me three cents. lol

Thank you for this valuable information - I do see the value in dialogue and the enormous benefits of using it well. The nuances, the accent, the words the character utters must define them. I'm often surprised at the differences in an English or Australian character...Hey - you really got me going..

As soon as my daughter (a writer now) learned to read, she began asking questions like "Why did he use that word?" "Why couldn't he use this word?" It was amusing to her read, analyzing the sentences as she read. I learned from her, and your introduction reminded me of that. Great exercise - Tricks of the Trade. Thanks again for sharing your wisdom.

Great advice, yet again, Bill! I will definitely be practicing it.

That part about your cousin was funny. Now I have to be careful about my pet sentence, "This is no rocket science, brain surgery, or plasma state physics" haha.

A delicious sampling of ideas delightfully portrayed in a useful manner. Learning is so much fun when you have a great teacher doing it.

I've soaked this up like a sponge. Dialogue has been one of my weakest areas in fiction. I have an occasional gem, but it has seemed more by accident. Taking the accident out of good writing tickles. Thanks!

This is a very useful hub, Bill. I love your opening example!

A helpful and interesting hub.

Good hub, Bill. I'll be paying closer attention next time I have my characters interacting. Thanks.

Interesting and explained with great examples. Describing the character of a character get tricky at times, I guess. Great hub, useful and informative.

I use spoken or “thought” dialogue to help define characters (especially in my long stories). You got me right where I live, Bill. This is a terrific article. I liked the idea about listening to conversations. We have to do this in order to add color and texture to the character…it not only helps to define who they are, but they become more accessible to us, and/or sets them apart from other characters. I always learn so much from your articles, Bill. Thank you!!

billybuc

Three cents, that is a month of income.

But it is not chicken feed, because the feed costs much more than that amount. lol

While I am on the subject of money, there is an interesting thing that allows a small fortune to be me from pennies. With enough volume the pennies can add up to six figures or more.

In California, I believe that it was some time in the 80s that some indeprendent contractors working on software for the banks. I don't remember exactly which one, but they setup their own bank account. What they put in it made them a fortune. In math, there is a need to round up numbers, and rounding up to the nearest penny was their game. They would take those pennies and save them in their newly created bank accounts. This over the course of time becames real folding money.

Now if you apply the pennies from the hp accounts that don't make a payoff, the house wins, and the players just play.

Oh, I love to watch people and listen to how they speak. One can truly nail down their character if one is observant. When my daughter was very young, we would go to a beautiful and large water foundation where a lot of people were coming and going. I would sit while she threw pennies into the fountain. I can tell a lot about people too from their body language, such as you stated about the girl not making eye contact.

Maybe you can address the issue of how to effectively portray body language in a character when writing? That seems to me to be a tricky one, unless you just come straight out and state such as ...she did not make eye contact. Just stating that will make the reader immediately aware that the person was not interested in helping, or too distracted or just rude.

Thank you for sharing your wonderful insight here.

I do hope you are enjoying a lovely Sunday afternoon there.

Peace and blessings always

@Faith Reaper, consider the following:

With the fingers of both hands pulling through his tangled hair, Rick slouches into his wooden kitchen chair and watches his twin sons play in the front yard. A clumsy ball rattles the windowpane.

“Sorry dad; is dinner almost ready?” one of the boys calls out.

Rick smiles and nods then refocuses his attention on table of scattered bills and the overdraft notice from his bank sitting on top of the pink slip given him the day before by his former employer. He stands and opens the cupboard to find one last can of SpaghettiOs which, without hesitation, he pulls it down, opens it, then pours the contents into a pot, “Dinner is served; now what to do about tomorrow’s breakfast.”

I think you can effectively portray body language in the delivery before the dialogue. (I read something similar to the above when I was researching for ways to make my dialogue and characters more memorable.)

By the way Bill, those are some great exercises. My first college English instructor gave me an assignment to go sit in the food court of a local mall and just observe the way people were talking to each other. It's something I often do to this day.

Further to my comment above, I admit that dialogues in many of my articles have actually come about after reading one of your earlier hubs, Bill.

Thanks Bill, for further pondering on writing on body language to further capture a character. I thought of when it is obvious that a person is lying and instead of writing he lied to just mention something about his eyes looking away from her as he answered her question. @ Richard Bivins, thank you for the great added insight here. That is a wonderful example. Blessings to you both.

Once again, you've written fantastic advice. A lot of new writers fall into the trap of relying on adverbs to convey personality in dialogue. I know I did. I still do sometimes, unfortunately.

This is a well written Hub on a useful, unique topic. The various ways dialogue can influence mood, characterization, and emotion are clearly presented. I'll definitely have to refer to this when revising my character's lines, especially the one with a small cast wrapped in a blanket of implications.

I should point out a couple of word choices that feel a bit strange to me. "Give me the damned water," does not appear to imply disrespect because there is no context. Maybe the character has a horrid headache or need to clean an incredibly muddy outfit. Maybe they need to kill the Wicked Witch of the West. Who knows? Calling swearing a "grammar" issue appears strange to me, but I can't find anything to indicate your usage of the term is flat out-incorrect. I'm probably wrong here.

I'm looking forward to your next Hub. Have a good day!

Thank you for this lesson, Bill. I will take it to heart and to my writing. There is always room to improve. - Have a great day!

Bill, I am re-commenting. After reading some of the comments about overhearing other's conversations and being inspired, I remembered this one. I was working as a temp in a state government office just before I got my present job. That was nearly 30 years ago, so I considered two men in their 50s to be "old men" and I frequently laughed at the conversations of these funny old men, but this one took the cake. Anyway it went something like this:

No 1: What's a hair-branger? (he was reading the newspaper and saw the word)

No. 2: A what?

No 1: A hair-branger

This was repeated several times, and I was quietly laughing my head off because I knew what the first man meant that the second one couldn't figure out.

Finally No. 2 got a revelation, and he said, "Oh, a harbinger. You mean a harbinger."

No. 1 answered, "A harbinger, what is that?

No. 2 explained to him what a harbinger was and after he gave the example of the first robin of spring being a harbinger, No. 1 understood. By then I was nearly wetting my drawers. I've got to use this conversation sometime in my writing, but it probably will never be as effective in print.

Great tips and examples. "I'm damned tired and I'm going to bed!" I rudely stated to billybuc. LOL, I mean, "I'm damned tired and I'm going to bed!" I said.

Thanks for more writing tips Bill!

If I've learned anything from scriptwriting - it's show versus tell. Don't tell (or write) that a character is selfish - show it. Show the character being selfish. Also, subtext is important. Don't be "too on the nose." The deleted scene from "Saving Mr. Banks" (which can be found on You Tube) in which the character P.L. Travers refers to the "promises breakers," is "too on the nose." It was best that it was deleted.

Ooops. That should be "promise" not "promises." That's what happens when I type on my cell at a BBQ restaurant.

Ha - I just finished commenting about this subject in your Writer's Mailbag hub and here is an entire article devoted to it! Character can make or break a book in my opinion. With your articles, if I ever get around to writing a story/book, I'll have the best resources around to help.

Amazingly, if you really think these things through, everything that you have said is just common sense. I have learned though, in this age, people are sometimes in such a hurry that they don't think about some of these things.