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Humorous poetry, The runs.

Updated on May 29, 2014
always exploring profile image

My name is Ruby. I live in Southern Illinois. I love to write poetry, short stories and flash fiction. I am a retired R.N.

The 'runs' ' ain't' no fun.

I'm so darn tired of this starving celiac disease

I really try to stick to my doctor's ordered diet

But please!

Some days diarrhea is bound to occur

Other days constipation

Is on tap for sure

Bloating surely ' ain't ' no fun

People talking behind your back

Saying, " Just wait and see in five months, a new born son. "

' Ain't true

Just like my itchy eyes

' Ain't from the flu

A gluten free diet ( no wheat, rye, or barley ) is what my sadistic Doc. said

My Lord!

Have you ever eaten gluten free bread?

What would Ruby give for a cheeseburger on a juicy Sara Lee bun?

I'm willing to pay the price

Cos i know i will have to make a run

But by golly, i think i'll give it a whirl

Runs ' ain't as bad

As craving a chocolate ice cream swirl.


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    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Vellur, happy you thought it was funny. I'm getting used to the diet, it's not so bad...

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 3 years ago from Dubai

      It is funny and at the same time a sad state to deal with, great write.

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Thandi, good to see you. Thank's for the wonderful comment....

    • ubanichijioke profile image

      Alexander Thandi Ubani 3 years ago from Lagos

      Hi Ruby, it is wonderful to read your poem this morning. keep writing!

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Susan, Glad you enjoyed. Thank you...

    • Susan Recipes profile image

      Susan 3 years ago from India

      Wonderful poem. Thanks for sharing.

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Leni, I thought i had IBS at first, the symptoms are similar except for a rapid weight loss. I lost twenty lbs. in one month. Glad you like my flowering comode. lol..Thank you...

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello torrilynn, I wrote this for a good laugh and you had one. Goodie. Thank you for stopping by...

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Susan, Happy you enjoyed my nutty rant. I had a good Thanksgiving day. I hope you did too. Be well my friend...

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Audrey, Really, i'm doing fine. As long as i stay on a gluten free diet, i feel good. The one thing that bothers me the most is bread. I have not found a good white bread that dosen't taste like sawdust. lol..I read that several companies are coming out with better gluten free foods. I hope so. Thank you for caring about me my friend...

    • leni sands profile image

      Leni Sands 3 years ago from UK

      Could also sum up IBS! Brilliant poem - voted up awesome, funny and in a strange way beautiful especially the flowering toilet at the end.

    • torrilynn profile image

      torrilynn 3 years ago

      I cound this to be funny even though you may get the runs from eating food you shouldn't eat. Haha thanks for the laugh. Voted up.

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 3 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Better late than never :) .... This is pretty funny Ruby. Hope that you're having a good Thanksgiving weekend.

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 3 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      Hi Dear Ruby - I wanted to come back and read this again and to see how you're doing. Thank goodness for your wonderful sense of humor!

      Take very good care, my friend. ~ Hugs, Audrey

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Thelma, Thank you..Happy you enjoyed..

    • Thelma Alberts profile image

      Thelma Alberts 4 years ago from Germany

      Very funny! Thanks for sharing.

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Ricky, What happened to my pride? lol Thank you for sharing. I still wonder what came over me to write this very personal piece. LOL

    • thelyricwriter profile image

      Richard Ricky Hale 4 years ago from West Virginia

      LOL, well worth a second look Ruby:) Laughing my... well, you know:) Shared on FB this time through. Hope all is well and take care dear friend. Best wishes always.

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello nighthag, HaHa..Thank you..I'm stuck on your comment,,Hee

    • nighthag profile image

      K.A.E Grove 4 years ago from Australia

      I am sure that many people will agree with your sentiments here :)

      truly there are some things in this life that really are worth a night stuck on the loo...

      I totally enjoyed this!

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Ricky, You crack me up..CLEANSED..HaHa..Thank's my friend..

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Oh Audrey, not you too? I could eat a double large pizza and beg for more. Hee We can have all the rice we want..Woopee, NOT..Thank's my friend..

    • thelyricwriter profile image

      Richard Ricky Hale 4 years ago from West Virginia

      Voted up, awesome, and funny!! Ruby, what a great poem! Ohh, my chest hurts from laughing! I know it is no laughing matter, but still! LOL Awesome work my friend. I agree, some things are well worth it. Plus, it never hurts to be cleansed:)

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Oh I feel your pain Ruby!! I miss pizza the most really--and gluten-free bread--well, let's just say I'd rather have rice for breakfast---

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Gals, I still love to laugh..Hee..Really celiac is not so bad, finding out the problem was the worst. When i quit eating gluten, i feel fine. Thank you for telling me you got a kick out of this nutty piece..Hee..

    • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

      Susan Haze 4 years ago from Sunny Florida

      HaHaHa... I'm still laughing with a bit of sympathy and empathy included. Great to see you have such a sense of humor. Poor baby.

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Becky, LOL..You got that right..Thank you....

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      Rfordin 4 years ago from Florida

      LOL. What a great spin on a free will stealing disease.

      ~Becky

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Vinaya your comment made me smile " niceties of life " makes my ' cup runneth over ' Cheers my friend..

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image

      Vinaya Ghimire 4 years ago from Nepal

      Ruby,

      what a wonderful thing to read this morning, here in a Kathmandu.

      Loved your work packed with niceties of life.

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hi Epi, Thank you again for the videos, you are a gem. Enjoy the game and have a safe night at work.

      Hugs to you and your two babies.....

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Mike you made me lol but fig newtons have wheat, so no can do. Love your poem. Thank you my friend...

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Fossi, Truer words were never spoken. ( not getting younger. ) Hee Poor Epi, i guess the leaks are just as bad as ' the runs '..LOL..

      Love ya back!!

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Ah Mar, Today is a good day. We had a good laugh and that's what i needed. Thank's my Dear friend...

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      I am just checking in with you Ruby and I am most glad you received my video links - we three, Colin, Tiffy and Gabriel , are sending our love to you from lake erie time canada 6;30pm and just about to watch the Leaf hockey playoff game and then off to work at night shift

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Martie i checked out the link you sent. Rooibos tea must be really good for you. I have never seen it, but i will check more closely. Thank you Dear one...

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello dreamseeker, I'm with you, Chocolate ice cream is my weakness. Thank you...

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Epi, You crack me up! LOL ..Thank's for a fun comment and thank you for the videos. I appreciate you my friend..

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Oh, that horn will be tuten

      From the effects of a mouth full of gluten

      Oh, fell the scourge of Rasputin

      As you reach for another fig newton

    • Fossillady profile image

      Kathi 4 years ago from Saugatuck Michigan

      You're so funny, Ruby, poor sweet thing . . . and I'm giggling at Epi's comment about remembering to wear his old man diapers! We're not getting any younger, hang in there! Love ya, Fossi

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      It is delicious tea, Ruby...I have a private supplier from SA...!!

      My pride ran far away as well...at least we are hysterical ( as in hee hee)!

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 4 years ago from South Africa

      Ruby, Rooibos Tea is a very tasty and refreshing tea. You will love it with or without milk and sugar.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rooibos

    • profile image

      dreamseeker2 4 years ago

      Pretty cute, always! : ) I think I'd prefer the ice cream though...lol! Voted up and funny!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      I laughed so hard here Ruby my dear that I forgot to run to the bathroom and now I don't have the runs but oh lordy what a mess.

      Thank goodness now that I am an old man I remembered to wear my old man diapers but I shall always run to your hubs because they always inspire me with all of the great emotions in life - happiness, sadness, humor, philosophy , awesome writing and of course the star attraction herself - you!!!!!!!!!!!!

      I sincerely hope all is well with you my dear friend these days and Colin and Tiffy and Gabriel are sending their good thoughts to you on this early summer's day by the lake of erie at 5:35pm

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Audrey, You too? ' ain't ' it the pits? Hee..Oh i forgot NO PITS...Sorry you've had this problem, but we gotta take the high road or else we would let it get us down. Thank you for sharing your words of encouragement..Cheers my friend..

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Eddy, Good to see you. I am glad you got a kick out of this. Thank's for coming and sharing....

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Martie, LOL..Sophisticated, no way, hosay. Smelly for sure...Hee..What is Rooibos tea. I am drinking green tea, YUCK..

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Skye, Happy to meet you. Thank you for starting to follow me. I am glad you got a chuckle out of this nutty write. I am learning to live with this, i am just happy to find out the reason i was having the problems. Thank's again and don't worry, i never give up. I release any stress by writing...Cheers..I am following you too...

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello wabash annie, Happy to meet you. Thank you for starting to follow me. I lived in Wabash county until i got married, Mt. Carmel, Il. Where did you live? I read your bio. It is strange so many people unable to tolerate wheat. The Doctor said that it is becoming more prevalent nation wide. I wonder if it is the chemicals farmers are using? What is always maxi? Thank you. I am now following you..Cheers..

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Mar, Can you imagine? What happened to my pride? Hee..See you at our place soon....

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hi drbj, I was diagnosed with celiac a few months ago, really it's not that bad except, almost everything has wheat in it. Walmart has started offering gluten free food, it's funny, i missed noodles more than anything, now they make them gluten free but the cost triples the regular. Thank's my friend...

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hi Vellur, glad you enjoyed, always good to see you..Thank you..

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Martin, Thank's but you're the limerick writer..Cheers....

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 4 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      Poor Ruby! I've gone through celiac problems myself and so relate to this funny (but not really when you're the one going through it) poem.

      You're a trooper for taking the high road and writing this really fun poem. Hugs!

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      Oh so funny.

      A great share my dear friend.

      Got to vote up and share.

      Havea wonderful day.

      Eddy.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 4 years ago from South Africa

      Lol! There are things we know we should not eat, yet we eat them because they taste so good. Too bad the consequences don't smell so good.... :)

      Have some Rooibos Tea, Ruby!

    • skye2day profile image

      skye2day 4 years ago from Rocky Mountains

      always Wow this led me to think of my mortality. As much as I would like to deny this Ole tent is not what it used to be I am not youthful as I once was and long to be again. I suppose we can be youthful even when the Ole tents are falling apart. It is in the attitude. Many Blessings to you. Keep going. You will you can Phil 4:13

      Got a chuckle out of your poem. Honesty is hard to swallow sometimes. You done good. Love, Skye

    • wabash annie profile image

      wabash annie 4 years ago from Colorado Front Range

      I really enjoyed this poem! Life can be stressful when bathrooming us what preoccupies us most. I don't have celiac but wheat does a number on me and it seems to be added to everything. I read labels constantly and buy large boxes of Always Maxi from Costco.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Dear Ruby,

      There is nothing like a nurse with a funny bone...in your case, your writing arm!

      Voted UP and FAB. Love you, Maria

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Aw, poor Ruby, have another chocolate ice cream swirl I say,

      It's bound to make the pain of gluten-free eating go away.

      Trust me!

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Bill, HaHa..Really it's not a bad diet, except for the bread. I've been reading that a gluten free diet is a healthy way to eat even if you don't have celiac... I just thought i would have some fun..Happy it made you laugh..

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 4 years ago from Dubai

      Funny!! Made me laugh!!

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      Very funny. A limerick writer in the making.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      LOL....I guess the writer's block took a short vacation. Very funny although the reality is a bit short of funny. :) Well done my friend.

      blessings always

      bill