I Am Not Sure What Makes me Selfish ?
Is It Human Nature ?
Why do I feel this way?
Ever since I was small
I was told some things
I am not sure how true they are
But I believe them any way
If you have too much
You can't appreciate what you have
So you are greedy
It is wrong and other people need the things more than you
Be happy what you have
You can have but should not want
A kind of mixed message
Some where along the way I picked up only part of the meaning
So to this day I feel guilty for having nice things
Why is it o.k. for other people to have and not me
Something happened when I was young
I don't remember exactly what or when
After some serious thinking
The only story I do remember
As I try to make sense of it now
When I was small
My mom and dad and my brother and I were visiting my aunt my fathers sister
Every time when we left to go home
She would give us a dollar
One time she didn't give us our dollar
So I asked her where is our dollar ?
When we got home
My father was so mad with me
He said you never ever ask for money ?
If she gives it to you it is o.k.
I am not sure but I think I got a good licking for that
Then I made my mind up from then on
I never will ask for anything again
It isn't worth it
I must of been six or seven at the time
All my thoughts are vague about what happened
I do know it still affects me to this day
I don't know how to make it better
For years I would never even talk about it
Now for some reason it's time
If you have any thoughts on the matter
I would appreciate your input
It is kind of strange how our mind works
It remembers things that we don't even think we know but do