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I Am Not Sure What Makes me Selfish ?

Updated on August 30, 2017

Is It Human Nature ?

Why do I feel this way?

Ever since I was small

I was told some things

I am not sure how true they are

But I believe them any way

If you have too much

You can't appreciate what you have

So you are greedy

It is wrong and other people need the things more than you

Be happy what you have

You can have but should not want

A kind of mixed message

Some where along the way I picked up only part of the meaning

So to this day I feel guilty for having nice things

Why is it o.k. for other people to have and not me

Something happened when I was young

I don't remember exactly what or when

After some serious thinking

The only story I do remember

As I try to make sense of it now

When I was small

My mom and dad and my brother and I were visiting my aunt my fathers sister

Every time when we left to go home

She would give us a dollar

One time she didn't give us our dollar

So I asked her where is our dollar ?

When we got home

My father was so mad with me

He said you never ever ask for money ?

If she gives it to you it is o.k.

I am not sure but I think I got a good licking for that

Then I made my mind up from then on

I never will ask for anything again

It isn't worth it

I must of been six or seven at the time

All my thoughts are vague about what happened

I do know it still affects me to this day

I don't know how to make it better

For years I would never even talk about it

Now for some reason it's time

If you have any thoughts on the matter

I would appreciate your input

It is kind of strange how our mind works

It remembers things that we don't even think we know but do



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    • DREAM ON profile imageAUTHOR

      DREAM ON 

      13 months ago

      Gypsy Rose Lee I have received money in a card for my birthday ad I have been very pleased on any amount. Like you I would save it for something I want or put it in the bank. The problem is I got use to getting one dollar and I thought there was nothing wrong with asking for it. Thinking she just forgot. It blew up to a major problem and it changed the way I thought years later. Thank you so much for reading and sharing.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 

      13 months ago from Riga, Latvia

      I remember always being happy whenever any grown-up gave me money for some reason but I never asked for any. The money I did get I saved and then bought myself things I could enjoy.

    • DREAM ON profile imageAUTHOR

      DREAM ON 

      13 months ago

      Perspycacious I was raised in a different time. You learn to appreciate what you got for Christmas and if you got nothing which never did happen you should be happy. It was all about being thankful and appreciative. The littlest things you have to be grateful for. A few very special hubbers have shared their similar stories. I guess we all have skeletons in our closet. It is a matter of opening the door and letting them out. Where deep memories are concerned that takes time and a new perspective. Even if I don't agree with what I did believe I feel I have to handle every thought carefully and delicately like eggs. If you are rough and careless you will break one. It is such a waste. It doesn't matter that eggs are only 69 cents for a dozen. That is a little more than a nickel a piece. It is the point. Logic and common sense. I am still testing the waters and feel many emotions surging like a river where the waters are fast, fierce and ragging. Thank you for your comment. I think no matter how old I am I also feel I am still that young boy stuck in a situation that I can't change or get out of. I have been very blessed in my life and always had a home to come home to and it was safe and filled with love.

    • DREAM ON profile imageAUTHOR

      DREAM ON 

      13 months ago

      Shannon I also had cousins and friends with a pool. These friends also had bigger houses and more expensive toys like mini bikes, boat and even a summer cottage. My father worked just as hard but made less money. My mother was a stay at home mom until years later when I was in my early teens. I remember big arguments about my mother wanting to go to work. To make money for the family for extras. My father was dead against it. Saying he was the man in the family and the bread winner. The provider and it has strong ties connected with him being the man in the family and taking pride in taking care of the people he loved the most. My mother finally worked part time and I am not sure my mother had my fathers blessing. I do know she emphasized think of all the good we can do with the money. This is not my money but are money. Later with the money my family bought a new washer and drier. I never did get to ask my mom if dad finally understood. Years earlier my father also made references to We don't have to keep up with Jones. Being a loving family is always more important. That will always be all you need. People that don't have love soon lose everything because they are replacing their love with objects that give them only temporary satisfaction. Thank you so much for explaining your own situation and each story helps me have a greater understanding. Have a beautiful day.

    • DREAM ON profile imageAUTHOR

      DREAM ON 

      13 months ago

      Three Keys In my mind having expensive or nice things is clearly connected to being greedy, spoiled and selfish. You have no business to ask for things and you must be thinking what you have is not good enough. Then you better think again real fast because you are not thankful for how hard it was to get you what you do have. End of story there are no buts or discussion. You have to learn to live with in your means and budget and save for the unexpected. Money doesn't grow on trees. Having good values is the core to living a good life. More money or things won't make you happy you will just have more things and ways of getting you into trouble. Wait and see. Mark my words. Simplicity is the key. Less is better. These attitudes are surfacing as I speak. As if I am still controlled by fear. I know my parents meant well and did the best they could. They stressed the importance of having a roof over your head and food on the table was the most important. Staying healthy and wise. A fool and his money soon parts. I keep on rehashing old thoughts and sift through my strongest feelings and emotions. Asking are they justified. Were my parents right and I should listen to them. When I was young you didn't question. You did what you were told. Thank you for sharing your story. I see the imbalance in my thoughts. As I process new ideas I form new thoughts never thought of before. Right or wrong I have a right to experience them. Then I can see what is good for me and what I no longer need. What hurts my well being is no longer useful and should be put gently aside. There but no longer needed or necessary and true. Even if my mother and father both believed it to be true. The problem is if they are wrong then what else did I believe what they taught me to be true is also wrong. This will rock my mind and my world.

    • profile image

      Perspycacious 

      13 months ago

      I will bet that every Commenter will have some memories like yours. Isn't it nice to be able to express them and ask for feedback? You bet it is.

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon Henry 

      13 months ago from Texas

      I don't think it is selfish to have things. Success is not a bad thing. I don't really care what others do or don't have. Keeping up with neighbors is silly, but if you have things because you earned the money and wanted those things, then good for you. You can always donate what you don't want it need anymore. But even if you don't, you're not selfish. True selfishness is a total disregard for other people and never taking them into consideration.

      I also think we all probably have those lessons from very young that stuck with us. When I was young, I walked to a neighbor who babysat some friends of mine. I saw that they were in a backyard pool and I wanted to swim with them so badly that I asked if I could swim, too. What I didn't know is that my mom was there and she lot into me something fierce about not inviting myself to other people's homes or things they are doing. I was so embarrassed! But I never did anything like that again and never assume I am welcome to join or tag along when other people are hanging out.

    • profile image

      threekeys 

      13 months ago

      Its funny DreamOn, I was just getting into the initial outlining of a spiritual encounters memoir and began to realize how I still base some of my values/conclusions/experiences on what happened as a child. Some of those are working okay in my life and some, like putting everyone else first even if you are a stranger to me, needs to be balanced up so that there is a fair and reasonable exchange of energy for both parties. We need not be hard on ourselves. Just see where and how we can even things out. Thank you for your sincerity DreamOn.

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