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Appreciation Poem: You Saved Me

Updated on June 3, 2013


My loneliness

Was an unquenchable thirst,

And cup after cup

You brought your love to me.


These parched lips,

Could not crack a smile,

And barely opened,

As you poured in your joy.


I was lost to the world.

Trapped in a barren wasteland,

Scarred by the blades of pain.

But you brought me back,


At first

I could not open my eyes.

The rays of sunshine

Were too blinding.


But I heard your voice,

And I could not deny,

The tenderness,

In your words.


So I opened them,

My God you were beautiful,

I thought I had died,

And gone to heaven.


But then you touched me,

And the electricity of your hands,

Made me realize,

I was very much alive.


You saved me,

And a million “I love Yous”

Could never express,

The love I have for you in my heart.


But I will say those “I love yous”,

And a million more

Till you feel it in your soul,

Just how much I appreciate you.

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    • phdast7 profile image

      Theresa Ast 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      PHILLY - At least you thought about it, and there is a good reason why that line is important to you. And the final shaping of a poem is always the responsibility of the poet.

      But I would keep thinking about the meter issue if I were you (not with this poem, but just in general). Meter is important, can be very helpful, but it can also tangle up a poem that has come to a natural conclusion but meter dictates one or two more lines.

      I have found that having a final verse with an uneven and un-matching number of lines often prompts a sense of openness, it is non-conclusive and gives the reader the opportunity to continue the poem or poetic theme in their own imagination -- a quite wonderful thing to accomplish I am not criticising, just thinking out loud. Have a great week. :)

      P.S. There might be good money in gretting cards. Nothing wrong with that. I only ponted it out because of the change in tone from the rest of the poem. Go make some money writing for greeting cards, and I want a small cit of the proceeds. lol

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile image
      Author

      Jose Velasquez 4 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      I tried to see how it would work with your suggestion, but I remembered why I wrote this one, and it was to tell someone how much they were appreciated. Also the poem has a certain meter to it, and it would throw off the meter. A lot of my poetry sounds like a greeting card. I've actually considered that as a business idea. Thanks.

    • phdast7 profile image

      Theresa Ast 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Hi PHYLLY - Absolutely gorgeous picture and a really well-written poem. I know I am not your teacher or mentor....and you have written a lot more poetry than I have, but.... I have a very good ear and often I can hear/see when a single line or word is just not right and weakens the entire piece.

      So you may get angry, irritated or not give a crap, but here goes.

      Your poem needs to end with the next to last line. "Till you feel it in your soul." That is a great final line, ethereal, pointing toward the future, redemptive, etc.

      The line you used, "Just how much I appreciate you." is heavy and wooden and brings the poem down. Forgive me, but it reads like a line from a Greeting card and the rest of the poem doesn't. Consider eliminating it and change the title and it will be a better poem.

      You Brought Me Back or I heard Your Voice or some other line from the poem would make a good title. Hope you are having a good week.

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile image
      Author

      Jose Velasquez 5 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      Well make sure you let that special someone know right away.

    • gmmurgirl profile image

      GM 5 years ago from Pilipinas

      So beautifully written, and pours out what my heart exactly wants to say to someone at this moment. Thanks Phil!

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile image
      Author

      Jose Velasquez 5 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      Thats lady, have you been taking a break?

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile image
      Author

      Jose Velasquez 5 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      Hey Martin, nice to see you have decided to write for another site, besides those crooks. I'm sure you will like things here just fine.

    • ImKarn23 profile image

      Karen Silverman 5 years ago

      Mmmmm...'appreciation' - most under-rated yet so vital to any healthy relationship!

      Your words are beautiful, as usual, Phil!

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 5 years ago from San Francisco

      it is me, martin