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I Try Not To Be

Updated on October 23, 2011
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Anxious

I don’t know

I still do not want to know

Circumventing, gallivanting

Me to you

Most dreadful thing to be

Exposing my deficient capabilities

Expectations hard to meet

Happiness elusive

Success abstract

Satisfaction conditional.

Future and relationships at stake

Little time to spare

I don't trust

I cannot trust

Failure apparent

Sadness constant

Apprehensive

What more I am flawed about.

Selfish, hot tempered, ill-mannered,

Domineering, nagging, insensitive, unsympathetic,

Unruly, insecure, unforgiving, assuming,

Close-minded, obsessive-compulsive, condescending

Unimaginable episodes could burst

Hold

Outrage put off

Repulsive behavior ignored

Evaded confrontation

Avoided humiliation and scarred reputation

Adapted civil and acceptable decorum.

Reacting?

Or plain acting?

I can't identify pervading thoughts.

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    • twentyfive profile image

      twentyfive 5 years ago

      Always put in mind, fitting in is not even a requirement LOL I'm glad you're better now. :)

    • anjperez profile image
      Author

      anjperez 5 years ago

      twentyfive, i hope ice cream or shopping could make any difference. it is difficult if you are trying to "fit in" or set standards so high. eventually it will consume you. that's what happened. it consumed me until i gave up. i could not put up with whatever it is. i let go. i let myself be... that's the answer.. i feel better now... thanks!

    • twentyfive profile image

      twentyfive 5 years ago

      Very well put. So heartfelt. Sometimes I feel so depressed too. When I do, I just get out and breathe and eat ice cream..or sometimes do shopping. It helps. But when nothin really could change our mood, crying or writing could somehow lift us up.

      Rated up up up. :) Hope you are better now.

    • anjperez profile image
      Author

      anjperez 5 years ago

      thank you lyndapringle! glad that at some level we could relate to each other. it was at one point in my life that i was so hard on myself. it was because i was trying to please everybody. i try to "fit in". it was at the expense of my poor self. i was not acknowledging my weaknesses. now that i know better, i knew the difference. gave me the courage to express. and it came out as this poem. thank you for leaving your comment!

    • lyndapringle profile image

      Lynda Pringle 5 years ago from Austin, Texas

      Thanks for sharing. I can certainly relate to the emotions you express in your poem. I feel them sometimes when going about my day or, more acutely, when depressed. It's good to know that I am not alone. We can be our own harshest critics much to our detriment.

    • anjperez profile image
      Author

      anjperez 5 years ago

      thanks Movie Master! glad that many were able to relate with what i wrote. i tried to lock it inside my memories, but it soon it just came out. a lot of people hold that anger and rage for a long time just so that their behavior will be acceptable to society. Still man opt for the best way of solving things, an evolutionary trait that made the human race survived. because otherwise, we would be pulling each other's limbs everytime we can. thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment.

    • anjperez profile image
      Author

      anjperez 5 years ago

      yes newday98033! it was short but packed. it was like the same thought that goes through a persons mind before he / she is going to burst into anger... but still managed to keep it in... thanks for dropping by and leaving your comment. (,")

    • Movie Master profile image

      Movie Master 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      So much truth and honesty written here, that many of us can relate to.

      Brilliantly written, thanks for sharing and voting up, best wishes MM

    • profile image

      newday98033 5 years ago

      Wow, that was an experience! Thanks for writing it.

    • anjperez profile image
      Author

      anjperez 5 years ago

      @sonia, thank you very much. i just wanted to share what i felt. i wasn't expecting that it would be perceived as exceptional. having your appreciation, I am really grateful. i am really glad that you liked it. i am happy that at some level we do connect. experiences like this, holding our anger, sucking it in, but we are like bursting from within. trying to be civil. it kinda sucks but it was necessary... the longer that we can hold it in, the better for the society but i am not sure if it will be better for us... thanks for dropping by and leaving your comments and votes.

    • anjperez profile image
      Author

      anjperez 5 years ago

      @Fennelseed, i am really grateful that you loved it. those lines you mentioned, i loved them too. that is how we feel most of the time, right? even if we are raging inside, we just opt to keep them in. tuck them inside our thoughts and try to forget it. we want to come across a civil. thank you very much for dropping by and more so appreciating my humble creation. (,")

    • sonia05 profile image

      sonia05 5 years ago from india

      This is an exceptional piece of work! Its honest and so very true for many of us...arent we trying to be civil and nice most of the time when from inside,its sheer rage!!! I really liked it!

      thank you for sharing.voted up!I am looking forward to read more of your hubs!!

    • Fennelseed profile image

      Annie Fenn 5 years ago from Australia

      Hi Anjperez, I know what you mean about sucking it in, but letting it out really helps and I am so glad you shared this poem here. This is an awesome poem with brilliant lines,

      "Repulsive behavior ignored

      Evaded confrontation

      Avoided humiliation and scarred reputation"

      Just awesome, honest, no holes barred, this is the way it is, poetry!!! I love this, all my votes to you.

    • anjperez profile image
      Author

      anjperez 5 years ago

      thanks for understanding @lisalei. things are already okay here. i am just sucking it in. but i am fine. thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment.

    • anjperez profile image
      Author

      anjperez 5 years ago

      thanks smcopywrite! glad i did too... thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment!

    • smcopywrite profile image

      smcopywrite 5 years ago from all over the web

      voted up. i like it. thanks for sharing