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I Probably Should Die

Updated on March 29, 2015
Model: Ryem Photographer: Michael Paul
Model: Ryem Photographer: Michael Paul | Source

I'm sick of living in a world
that I feel uninspired by.
I probably should die.
There is no color.
I am chased by gray surroundings
and haunted by a meek
sense of freedom.

One day, I was drunk enough
to watch a rom-com,
play a love song,
and feel the need for company.

Then, I drank more,
felt sore,
and forgot about the beauty
my numbed senses forced me to ignore.

Every day I wake up with a strong sense
to seek revenge on my enemies.
When I begin to list my enemies,
I'm forced to hate all of society;
including me.

Yes, I'm hating myself
and I'm in big trouble
because everything around me is gray.
Gray, so that when I bleed,
there is no drama
or shock value to me.

There is no art,
I'm cold in the heart,
and my best days are gone.

I'm stuck
in a body of curses.
So, I curse and I break shit.
I'm feeling alienated,
I'm a shell of a person.
All I have left are my verses.
I don't even rhyme words on purpose,
it just happens.

I'm an introvert
and it hurts.
I don't kiss evil,
but I like to flirt.
He asked for my soul
when he saw me twirl my skirt.
I almost said yes, but fear held me back
and tonight I'm less willing
to turn the offer down again.

I just wanna feel like I'm part of something
cause I am chased by gray surroundings
and haunted by a meek
sense of freedom.

There is no color.

I probably should die.



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    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 3 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

      Ryem, this is so very dark! Your poems are always deep and poignant, this makes me feel apprehensive for you. I hope it is simply a matter of incredible writing and you are well, there is always sunshine after the rain, no matter how dark the night, the sun always rise, the pain always passes, death will come much too soon, we need to live each day to full.

      Take care and blessings to you.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Well, I know I would miss you. :)

    • tsadjatko profile image

      TSAD 3 years ago from maybe (the guy or girl) next door

      This "world" is temporary and a fallen world at that - things are not as the Lord created them so “Cast your burden on the Lord . . . .” You have been bearing it all, but you need to deliberately place one end on God’s shoulder. Commit to God whatever burden He has placed on you. Don’t just cast it aside, but put it over onto Him and place yourself there with it. You will see that your burden is then lightened by the sense of companionship. There is so much yet to look forward to in this world and beyond death if you can just lean on his everlasting arms.

    • ComfortB profile image

      Comfort Babatola 3 years ago from Bonaire, GA, USA

      Remember ryem, YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made. And while the earthly/sinful part of you should die, the inner being of you longs to live. And what better way to do it, but in Christ Jesus.

      Jesus loves you!!!

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Ryem, I know from reading your other poetry not to jump to conclusions that this is actually how you feel. I assume it is just creative and very emotive writing on your behalf. Your writing always stirs deep emotions. Very well written, and as always voted up.

    • Ryem profile image
      Author

      Ryem 3 years ago from Maryland

      Thank you everyone for commenting and showing concern. However, this poem wasn't meant to be taken literally. The idea of death was a metaphor. I am not experiencing the extreme conditions mentioned in the poem; I was simply pushing my creativity. Thanks for stopping by! :)

    • LadyFiddler profile image

      Joanna Chandler 2 years ago from On planet Earth

      Hi Ryem

      Oh, i was wondering if you were speaking about yourself in your poetry. Its very dark and deep however and i know there are people that literally feels this way. Right this minute people i wish i can talk to , to say a kind word to make them feel worthwhile while the world is showing them how dark and gray they are inside.

      Thanks for sharing your creative piece :)

    • Ryem profile image
      Author

      Ryem 2 years ago from Maryland

      You are right, there are a lot of people out there who could use words of kindness and hope. My heart breaks for them as well. Thank you for stopping by and sharing such a great comment.

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