I Probably Should Die

I'm sick of living in a world
that I feel uninspired by.
I probably should die.
There is no color.
I am chased by gray surroundings
and haunted by a meek
sense of freedom.

One day, I was drunk enough
to watch a rom-com,
play a love song,
and feel the need for company.

Then, I drank more,
felt sore,
and forgot about the beauty
my numbed senses forced me to ignore.

Every day I wake up with a strong sense
to seek revenge on my enemies.
When I begin to list my enemies,
I'm forced to hate all of society;
including me.

Yes, I'm hating myself
and I'm in big trouble
because everything around me is gray.
Gray, so that when I bleed,
there is no drama
or shock value to me.

There is no art,
I'm cold in the heart,
and my best days are gone.

I'm stuck
in a body of curses.
So, I curse and I break shit.
I'm feeling alienated,
I'm a shell of a person.
All I have left are my verses.
I don't even rhyme words on purpose,
it just happens.

I'm an introvert
and it hurts.
I don't kiss evil,
but I like to flirt.
He asked for my soul
when he saw me twirl my skirt.
I almost said yes, but fear held me back
and tonight I'm less willing
to turn the offer down again.

I just wanna feel like I'm part of something
cause I am chased by gray surroundings
and haunted by a meek
sense of freedom.

There is no color.

I probably should die.