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I Could Never Be A Tough Guy

Updated on November 23, 2015

I like to laugh at myself. I like to make others laugh, sometimes at my own expense. Laughing isn't very threatening, unless you're kind of sneering and laughing at someone, daring them to say something. Go ahead say something...I like to have fun and I don't take myself too seriously, maybe not seriously enough. It's because of this I could never be a tough guy.

First off, I will say I don't mean tough guys in the sense of war veterans, police officers, fireman, or heroes that have bravely performed their jobs and put their lives on the line to save others. I'm thinking more of the guy at the bar who's mad at the world or the bouncer who is just a little bit too into his position of authority.

I guess there are times when being a tough guy would come in handy. Resolving situations with your intimidating presence. Crossing your arms and letting the world know not to mess with you. But I don't think this is who I would want to be. Always having to live up to your tough guy reputation, would be tough - uh, tiring.

Here are some reasons I could never be tough guy:

  • I like to go to the library, not only for books, there is also a wide selection of DVD's (yes I'm cheap). This would immediately disqualify me from being any sort of tough guy. *On a side note, at my local library, kids were always hanging out in the parking lot and harrassing patrons. The library installed speakers outside of the building and now plays a stream of classical music during operating hours, problem solved. Kind of hard to be a tough guy with classical music playing in the background, I find this hilarious.
  • When I'm walking my dogs I don't always call them in a deep, manly tough guy voice. We'll just leave it at that.
  • I'm not a big fan of tough guy clothes. I like shirts that fit, not 3 sizes too big and hanging to my knees, or extra small so I can show off my guns to the ladies and intimidate potential threats.
  • I'm very clumsy so I may trip for no apparent reason. I drop things and run into stuff (I have a scar on my forehead from running into a door dead sober). These are all tough guy no no's. If someone were to laugh me, I would have to put a stop to it and I would probably trip again on my way over to put a stop to it.
  • I drive a Volvo...
  • If I'm even the slightest bit under the weather, I will whine and complain to my wife until I'm 100%. Not too tough, my wife is a saint.
  • I like salads. Tough guys don't eat salads. Strictly meat and potatoes with a side of gunpowder.
  • I'm not big on action movies. When I was younger, I loved the explosions or shootouts. Tough guys love tough guy movies. Give me a comedy any day.
  • I don't like UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) I like boxing, but I cannot get into this UFC thing. This is a must for tough guys.
  • I like poetry. No, I'm kidding, I don't like poetry.
  • I hate heavy metal music. It's just so angry. This can be said about rap music as well, but I find myself not liking much of that anymore either. I like talk radio in the car, not tough.
  • I like to dance, I grew up in the 80's. I used to be able to do a mean Michael Jackson impression. This is about the least tough guy thing I can think of.
  • I don't lift weights, they're heavy. Tough guys love to tell you how much they bench. I have some dumbbells but that's about it.
  • I have a garden. Can't really picture the quintessential tough guy getting ready to out to the bar for the evening and thinking, Oh man, I better water my garden before I head out!

Now all this being said, I'm no less of a guy, I like football, beer, and hanging out with the fellas. I just don't feel the need to constantly display my testosterone. So the next time you're out in public and you trip or slip (it happens) just laugh and take a bow, don't be a tough guy.


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    • nemanjaboskov profile image

      Nemanja BoŇ°kov 5 years ago from Serbia

      There are a lot of great sentences in this hub, but there was one that made me laugh like I haven't laughed in a long time, and here it is: "I don't lift weights, they're heavy." I love your humor!

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 6 years ago from Virginia

      Glad you enjoyed it. I guess a volvo's says it all, huh Faceless? Thanks!

    • Faceless39 profile image

      Faceless39 6 years ago from The North Woods, USA

      You are Hilarious!! You just gained yourself a fan :) (A Volvo lol)

    • profile image

      paddyboy 60 6 years ago

      This was a funny hub. I can just see you going through everything you described. In a lot of ways we are pretty much alike. I would rather laugh and try to talk my way out of a brawl. Getting clobbered hurts too much!

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 6 years ago from Virginia

      I know what you mean Jim!

    • jimagain profile image

      jimagain 6 years ago from Hattiesburg, Mississippi

      Great material. John Wayne, Robert Stack, Chuck norris; no problem. Those are tough guys! Sadly, when I try to pretend I'm a tough guy, I come off looking like a Barney Fife. Sigh!

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 6 years ago from Virginia

      I agree ruffridyer!!

    • profile image

      ruffridyer 6 years ago from Dayton, ohio

      Tough guys are for the movies. Real tough guys are guys who are tough enough to love their families, work at honest jobs and are kind to kitten's and the elderly.

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 6 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks for the compliments guys, funny thing is I poked myself in the eye the other day and had to go to the doctor after writing about being clumsy!!

    • felicitylovespari profile image

      felicitylovespari 6 years ago

      Up and funny. You sound great.

    • Scozzo_Scotty profile image

      Scozzo_Scotty 6 years ago

      Woah amazing hub!

      I laughed my ass off well done!

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 6 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks for the comments guys! Cooldad, you get the benefits of a tough guy without having to be a tool, win win. The library thing is 100% true. The city didn't want to spend the money on security but the music thing has worked perfectly.

    • cooldad profile image

      cooldad 6 years ago from Florida

      Funny hub, I like this, I can relate a bit. I just threw all my Affliction shirts away after reading this. (JOKE). I live by the saying, "It's not how tough you are, it's how tough they think you are."

      I've been told I look very mean and intimidating, but I'm probably the most polite guy around. When I go to a bar, people actually move out of my way, it's ridiculous. If I had to actually get into a fight, I would lose my breath mid-punch. I pull muscles mowing my yard.

      I was an athlete for years and left all my testosterone in my past. It's so much easier just to be a nice guy and it's way less stressful.

      The classical music at the library, that's brilliant.

    • Alecia Murphy profile image

      Alecia Murphy 6 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

      It's better to be a real man who's honest, than a guy who pretends to be tough. Great Hub!

    • budytalk profile image

      budytalk 6 years ago

      good work wish i could think and put the words down like that

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 6 years ago from Virginia

      So I should probably cancel that neck tatoo appointment I have this week! Thanks for the vote Terishere!

    • Terishere profile image

      Terishere 6 years ago

      Good for you!! You're real, not afraid to be who you are. And besides, life isn't about all the "tough guy" stuff. It's more about relating and feeling...

      Voted up!