I Could Never Be A Tough Guy

I like to laugh at myself. I like to make others laugh, sometimes at my own expense. Laughing isn't very threatening, unless you're kind of sneering and laughing at someone, daring them to say something. Go ahead say something...I like to have fun and I don't take myself too seriously, maybe not seriously enough. It's because of this I could never be a tough guy.

First off, I will say I don't mean tough guys in the sense of war veterans, police officers, fireman, or heroes that have bravely performed their jobs and put their lives on the line to save others. I'm thinking more of the guy at the bar who's mad at the world or the bouncer who is just a little bit too into his position of authority.

I guess there are times when being a tough guy would come in handy. Resolving situations with your intimidating presence. Crossing your arms and letting the world know not to mess with you. But I don't think this is who I would want to be. Always having to live up to your tough guy reputation, would be tough - uh, tiring.

Here are some reasons I could never be tough guy:

• I like to go to the library, not only for books, there is also a wide selection of DVD's (yes I'm cheap). This would immediately disqualify me from being any sort of tough guy. *On a side note, at my local library, kids were always hanging out in the parking lot and harrassing patrons. The library installed speakers outside of the building and now plays a stream of classical music during operating hours, problem solved. Kind of hard to be a tough guy with classical music playing in the background, I find this hilarious.
• When I'm walking my dogs I don't always call them in a deep, manly tough guy voice. We'll just leave it at that.
• I'm not a big fan of tough guy clothes. I like shirts that fit, not 3 sizes too big and hanging to my knees, or extra small so I can show off my guns to the ladies and intimidate potential threats.
• I'm very clumsy so I may trip for no apparent reason. I drop things and run into stuff (I have a scar on my forehead from running into a door dead sober). These are all tough guy no no's. If someone were to laugh me, I would have to put a stop to it and I would probably trip again on my way over to put a stop to it.
• I drive a Volvo...
• If I'm even the slightest bit under the weather, I will whine and complain to my wife until I'm 100%. Not too tough, my wife is a saint.
• I like salads. Tough guys don't eat salads. Strictly meat and potatoes with a side of gunpowder.
• I'm not big on action movies. When I was younger, I loved the explosions or shootouts. Tough guys love tough guy movies. Give me a comedy any day.
• I don't like UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) I like boxing, but I cannot get into this UFC thing. This is a must for tough guys.
• I like poetry. No, I'm kidding, I don't like poetry.
• I hate heavy metal music. It's just so angry. This can be said about rap music as well, but I find myself not liking much of that anymore either. I like talk radio in the car, not tough.
• I like to dance, I grew up in the 80's. I used to be able to do a mean Michael Jackson impression. This is about the least tough guy thing I can think of.
• I don't lift weights, they're heavy. Tough guys love to tell you how much they bench. I have some dumbbells but that's about it.
• I have a garden. Can't really picture the quintessential tough guy getting ready to out to the bar for the evening and thinking, Oh man, I better water my garden before I head out!

Now all this being said, I'm no less of a guy, I like football, beer, and hanging out with the fellas. I just don't feel the need to constantly display my testosterone. So the next time you're out in public and you trip or slip (it happens) just laugh and take a bow, don't be a tough guy.