I Can't Pray for Me but I Can Pray for Anyone of You
I Can't Pray For Me
As I sit in the church I look to the cross and I pray,
Pray that God be with you,
But I don't pray for me,
I pray that God help the friend who just got bad news from the doctor,
But I can't pray for me,
I worry about me, I stress about myself and my future and my life in distress,
But I can't make prayer about me,
I talk to God and ask him to be with the friend who desperately wants to start a family of their own,
But I can't stop and ask him to help me,
I hear what everyone else needs and I pray that God hears them too because surely that's more important
I can't pray to God about things that are nowhere near as important as a brain condition,
I can't pray to God and ask if I am doing the right thing when a friend is about to have a major surgery
Surely it would be wrong to pray that God send me a sign if my job is where I am supposed to be,
How could I when a loved one just lost her mom way too soon.
I can pray for everyone, but I just can't pray for me.
The why behind this Poem
I was sitting in the church the other day listening to a pastor's sermon and this thought hit me. The pastor was giving a sermon talking about being in a group message and giving advice to a friend going through a rough time. She pointed out how he was the one to break the simple text message cycle with a faith-based text of wisdom. Now, unfortunately, I was to clued into the sermon I cannot really impart her wisdom. What I can do is say that she really made me think. I am the one who usually imparts my wisdom to others when I see they are in need. When the text conversation is serious I am not the one who replies k or thumbs-up emojis. I am usually the one with more to say in hopes to help the person on the other side of the conversation. I have been told I am really good at this sort of thing, though I have my doubts. See as much wisdom as I impart to others personally I can't seem to give myself the same courtesy. A few years ago I started a new job and was introduced to the woman I now consider my work mom and good work friend. Recently she has some changes to her health that are not diagnoses you want to get from a doctor. It was nothing for me to go to church on Sunday and put her name first when offering my own intercessions. I did not give it any thought I just started my list of names as I usually do and her name came out first. I have been trying to get my boss at work to see how much more serious I am taking my job this season that I am invested in what I do for the company; it has caused some stress and worrying about my future. The problem is as much as I have times where I stress and worry I cannot stop and pray to God for me. I feel it's not right for me to ask anything of God when I have this friend who is struggling to get through a day of work and doctors can't make it easier. I feel a problem with my job is mine alone and that my other friend who desires to have a baby and is struggling is more deserving of prayer. It's not that I haven't tried to pray me because believe me, I have tried. I start out in my state of stress and worry thinking what should I do and next thing you know someone comes int the picture with a problem that makes it seem like God doesn't need her my stupid stuff. I just can't see how worrying if I have been smart enough during my working to survive this year's winter layoff from work, deserves a prayer when a friend just lost someone they really they cared for. You see it just so easy sit-down and pray for another but I can't do it for me. I feel ashamed to ask for help when there's always going to be someone who needs prayer more than me. Maybe I am not supposed to pray for me, yeah that's it I am not supposed to pray for me. That must be why I cannot do it. Maybe I am supposed to let others pray for me as I pray for others they shall pray for me. Is this how it works? I must admit I am practicing Lutheran who attends church on the regular before I state my next thought. Is there a wrong and a right way to pray to God. Do you pray for yourself first? Should my needs be addressed when I pray or is it ok to think I am covered because surely someone else is praying for me as I pray for others. I believe that God listens to every prayer he is sent, but I feel not every prayer is necessary. So I don't pray for me I can't pray for me it just doesn't seem like the right thing to do.