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I hope you see

Updated on September 12, 2012

Your friends say that your sorry

For rants and pain you caused

And that you knew they meant well

While you built up all those walls


I can't help think you see now

That your friends were not alone

In a quest to save your future

Was a man where you called home


Fighting not against you

But defending a lost soul

Picking up the pieces

To make you feel whole


And now your visions clearer

I hope that you can see

Your foe was just depression

And was never me

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    • ahorseback profile image

      ahorseback 5 years ago

      I don't know where these poems come from at my age , I seem to be going back through life and capturing each moment of loss , love , regrets! Awesome write !

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 5 years ago from southern USA

      Depression, is a terrible demon for sure. Forgiveness is key, as to your relationship with you child. I am so sorry for your pain. God bless. In His Love, Faith Reaper

    • Simba73 profile image
      Author

      Simba73 5 years ago from UK

      Thanks Tim

      No Mate, but I'm forever ad libbing songs about my work mates for a laugh !!!

      But I am starting to think I might give it a go, and if my memory serves me correctly are you not involved in that scene ? have you and advice on how I go about it ?

      Or perhaps (just a thought ) we could try something together ?

      My sisters are very musical and in fact years ago my eldest sister had the opportunity to sing with Massive Attack , but could not be bothered to get out of bed !! LOL that was a mistake :) You see we are from Bristol UK and she was well in the Bristol music scene at the time.

      Simba

    • timthechirpinbyrd profile image

      timthechirpinbyrd 5 years ago from Newport News, VA

      Wow. You really write great poems. Do you write songs as well?

    • Simba73 profile image
      Author

      Simba73 5 years ago from UK

      Thanks LaThing :)

      I know from your previous comments on my other work that you a aware of more of the story and I really appreciate you kind words and empathy it truly means a lot that you would write a few words of support,thank you

      Simba x

    • LaThing profile image

      LaThing 5 years ago from From a World Within, USA

      I wish you well and a brighter future..... I see beyond the poem, and life can be harsh sometime, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel!

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 5 years ago from Central Florida

      I will definitely read your poems my friend. As a dad, you need to put Savannah first. Your time won't come again for many years. My son is now 20 and I've raised him alone since he was 6, when I divorced his dad. His dad was still a major factor in his life until he died when my son was 15. I've had many dark years with my son, but I never gave up. Today, he's no longer troubled, but I am supporting him. Because he drives and owns a car, my expenses have increased and I'm going broke. I'm now finding myself in a position to learn how to say no. I've not yet found that strength and I'm going broke because of it.

      What I mean to tell you is, as a Dad, your life is no longer your own. You need to put Savannah first and be there even more because her mom isn't yet capable. You have a lot on your plate. But look at her face every time you doubt. She's worth it!

      It's ironic. My son's first little friend was named Savannah. I have a picture of them walking down the hallway to his bedroom when they were two. Too cute!

      Hang in there my friend. Be strong for Savannah. Believe it or not, she'll be an adult in the blink of an eye. Cherish every moment and never fail to remember her beautiful soul if and when she chooses the dark side. It will be hard on you, but she will remember. As long as you keep fighting for her soul, she'll come back and your efforts will be rewarded.

      Trust me, I know!

    • Simba73 profile image
      Author

      Simba73 5 years ago from UK

      Thank you Shauna for all of your kind words so full of wisdom and love I really am happy to have found you on this and at this time in my life, I wan you to know that I do so many of the things you have advised me to do with Savannah, and you input instils in me that I am doing the right thing :)

      Her future is my only concern in life, although when she was first torn from me back in May I let my health suffer tremendously and lost a huge amount of weight but after the initial shook and after a lot of concern from friends and family I got my act together and started to take care of myself , as I would of been no good to her in the state I was in, I did not do anything stupid like hit a bottle but I lost my appetite completely and this had terrible consequences for a short period, but I got back to work (construction) and started to write a lot to attempt to help my understanding of the situation, and I am twice the man today as I was before her mother ran off with her, and 100 times the man I was in the first few weeks of this terrible episode of our lives. I would really love you to read my poems as they tell so much of this story and the effects it has had on Savannah and myself not to mention my Ex.

      I have Savannah next weekend and cannot wait to see her run into my arms again, she is the breath in my lungs.

      Simba x

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 5 years ago from Central Florida

      Simba, Savannah means "from the open plain". It's of Spanish derivation. To me, that means she's been blessed with the wide open world as her classroom. You have to do what you can to fight. Fight for her. At the very least, when you do have time with her, make the time count. Don't just be the good time daddy. Incorporate life lessons in everything you do. Walk thru the woods. Pick up a leaf. Ask her what she sees. Go to the animal shelter. Ask her why she may think they ended up there and what could have been done to change that. On your weekends together, go to a shelter and volunteer. Help her to see how important each human is. Hug her constantly. Color with her. Create a garden (life) together. Read together. Dance in the rain. Make up stories. Encourage her spirit. Her spirit will guide her throughout her life. If made strong, her spirit will pick her up when she falls. Please, please build your little girl's spirit. Let her know how important she is. How smart. How pretty. How funny. How creative. Build her "self". Then let her fly.

      OMG, I could go on. I so feel for you. I want your daughter to be the best she can be and she can only do that with a good foundation. The rest will be up to her.

      Hugs to Simba and Savannah from Shauna aka Bravewarrior!

    • Simba73 profile image
      Author

      Simba73 5 years ago from UK

      Did it again I meant to say ad libbed LOL

    • Simba73 profile image
      Author

      Simba73 5 years ago from UK

      Shauna nearly all of my hubs are in relation to this epic battle I am fighting and they are all completely true, in fact all of my work is about my real life and not a libbed poetry.

      I don't even know if I can just write for poetry's sake as I have never attempted it ( apart from the fly jeans one but that is based on my experiences too) LOL

    • Simba73 profile image
      Author

      Simba73 5 years ago from UK

      Bravewarrior you are so right on all accounts, since the day she ran off I have been fighting in the courts to get my daughter "Savannah" back into my permanent care, but the UK system is stacked against the father so much it is truly an epic battle, despite tonnes of proof from court ordered medical records of my ex's symptoms it seems insane.

      though out the summer school break I had 50/50 custody of my daughter but due to my ex running to another city in school time I'm the weekend Dad, but my daughter never wants to be returned to her Mum and locks herself in the bathroom when it is time to take her back, it is truly a heart breaking time for us both, but she in her own way has given me so much strength to fight forever for her, she truly is an angel, she touches everyone she meets.

      Simba x

    • profile image

      bravewarrior 5 years ago

      Simba, if she has any strength left in her and concern for her/your child, she will grab hold of the faith you had/have in her. She can't be helped until she realizes she has a problem. However, if the lack of realization is harming your baby, or putting that baby's growth and learning at risk, you as the father must step in and take over. At least until mama realizes she needs help. She cannot properly nurture, teach and care for that precious, innocent human until she can be strong enough to share. Parenthood is the most difficult and most important job a human can ever undertake. If she cannot be the strength, you must step up and make sure your baby has a good foundation for who she (he?) will become.

      What is your baby's name?

      You are Simba. The lion. The leader. Jonathan means "God has given; gift of God". Be this baby's salvation. Give your baby your strength. He's (she's?) helpless. Your baby is dependent on you for guidance. Step up. Hold. Caress. Love. Teach. Then worry about mama.

    • Simba73 profile image
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      Simba73 5 years ago from UK

      I meant to say to be concious of how she treated friends

      sorry for the typo

    • Simba73 profile image
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      Simba73 5 years ago from UK

      Oh sorry yeah that is my baby and ex in the photo x

    • Simba73 profile image
      Author

      Simba73 5 years ago from UK

      Thanks for this Shauna,

      I seem to be cool with it now, I have accepted it's over and we both need to move on but I still feel cheated by outside agents, alcohol also played a huge part in her demise and other mental issues, but I tried right up until the day she ran off to help her and now the dust has settled I just pray that she realises that, she seems to be able to concious of how she treated friends so in this poem I have tried to express the hope that she now knows how I was treated also.

      It was more of a letting go and forgiveness poem than one of a broken man left behind if you know what I mean.

      Simba

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 5 years ago from Central Florida

      I feel for you, Simba. I take it the photo is of your baby and the baby's mama? You're right. Depression is the foe. My sister suffers from depression. The demon is the place from where depression comes and the place that keeps it alive. You can reach out and offer words of encouragement until you're blue in the face. If the one who has been conflicted by letting depression take hold isn't ready or strong enough to help themselves out of it, all you get is a blue face and a broken heart.

      My sister tells me I don't know what I'm talking about, and perhaps I don't; I've never been depressed long enough to not get pissed off at it trying to overtake me.... All I know is I knew her before depression grabbed hold of her. I believe we allow things to happen. At the very least, if we recognize a negative influence in our lives and choose to let it eat us up, we are responsible for feeding it and letting it fester to the point of no return.

      I don't believe in the point of no return. I have, however found that not all see they have innner strength. There comes a time we have to let go and allow them to fall or rise. We do what we can, but sometimes effort from the outside of the tortured soul can do more harm than good. Never stop loving and never accuse or condemn. Hopefully, all will work out. But it has to be on their terms in their time.