ILL BE HERE
Its been long since I actually meant anything that comes out my mouth..
It's been long since I actually handed out a positive compliment and gave a smile to accompany it ..
It's been a long time since I was honest with myself . It's been long since I smiled because I was actually happy.
.. Have been praying that every tommorow to be less involving cause I don't want new people in my life... Not because am satisfied with the ones in it right now, but because am scared that I'll eventually have to see them walk away and I'll be back to the closet holding up a new book, pretending to be reading it while outyelling myself out..
Nothing's turned out to be how I wanted it to be yet... Not even the prayers have been soo keen and persistent on.
And it's like life has been slapping and smacking me over and over asking me not to be stupid.. Over and over.
And it's the same story everytime, ends with me holding up a book in that dark corner near my close....
But things have been different over times
It been hurting less watching few people just walk away. Have actually been reading and not just holding books up.
Am just not surprised .. Am almost expecting it to happen..
But it's not all people though.
There's a few am actually worried sick that if they walk away I'll never be myself again.
That things will never be like they should be ever again.
Like life will be worthless without them around..
I smile to every " good morning " text they send.
I smile whenever they having fun even when am not there, cause it feels like am actually there with them.
I blush when they openly declare they miss me...
And I wish I could be the only reason they are happy..
And I hope they'd interprate every word I write exactly how I mean it... Cause I mean every single letter..
And I hope they know that they shouldn't be scared of ever losing me, because I'll always be there even after the aftermath...
.. I'll always be there till my lungs give out...
© 2019 Amani Utembu