I STILL LOOK FOR YOU – THE FINAL CHAPTER
Lynn and her children did move to Iowa City where she lived for the next thirteen years. Her children grew to love the city and had many more cultural advantages both in school and in meeting people from all over the world. Lynn’s life too was enriched by the many people she met through work that had come to the United States for their educations and she was privileged to learn of their many customs and beliefs. The enthusiasm of the students was contagious and led her to explore many avenues of learning and later to pull out her old friend, writing, as a means of expressing what she saw and felt.
She met and married a dear man with whom she continues to share her life. They met at work and were married a little more than a year after meeting, some twenty-three years ago. As they grow old, together, she is blessed to have peace in her life and as much certainty as anyone does.
Each of her children gave her the most wonderful gift of grandchildren and this has been a continued journey of laughter, love and absolute delight. The childhood that escaped her when she should have been allowed to be a child, is now lived at every turn as she experiences life through their eyes.
As for Bobby and their relationship, they would see each other again on a few occasions. It was always a bittersweet meeting and she is thankful to this day for his friendship and caring. For a short time she was allowed the feelings of a young girl while they were together and she experienced the feelings that might have come to her at an earlier age had her life as a young mother and wife not begun so early. Bobby saw her through different eyes than anyone had before and that allowed her the beginnings of seeing herself as worthy of happiness and love.
There has been speculation about the title of these memoirs and who it is that she still looks for. Some were concerned that she still looks over her shoulder fearing Bill will reappear. Others thought that she still looks for Bobby. Another, the author, believes she still looks for herself. She finds bits and pieces as years go by and glues them back together in a crazy quilt pattern that is leading to the discovery of who she is and what her life has been about. She takes out one memory after another as if it was a snapshot and looks closely at the person or people present there. Some she finds are out of focus and it is difficult to determine when it took place and how it fits with the others. Some, however, are as sharp as a razor’s edge and a few, are a double edged razor, that still tears at her heart and mind. But she will keep searching and she will keep making memories, more slowly now and a bit more carefully, always hoping that the lives that have touched hers are more complete for the meeting.