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If I had to.

Updated on March 14, 2016

Time on time on time.

I compose a letter
To end my life
How do I tell the kids,
my family,my wife
The worst neves imaginable
Conveyed through my pen
Played Over in my brain,
Again and again
Do I do it for real
Do I fight this urge
Horrible to the last
My minds own scourge.
I'm lost in emotion
I walk with no end
I try to make sense
Actions I can't defend.
How would I go?
Would I be missed?
Would I be hated?
Opportunities missed.
Kids and family cry
Over what they have lost
Mentally it's challenging
But what's the end cost.
Does it make them stronger
As a unit get better
Can I sign out with no regrets
Put the signature on the letter.
Leave it on my table
Or even my chair
who finds it first
No matter who,
it's just not fair.
Can't go through it,
can lose all I've got
Family like mine
Just can't be bought
Special and sweet
My five girls and my wife
If I ever lost them
It would be cut me like a knife.

The Thought That Processes.

What goes through the mind of someone so desperate,that they would contemplate taking their own life. What stage did they get to,where they couldn't talk to a single person. Surely everyone knows at least one person to lay their troubles on. Even if it's a stranger,apparently it's easier to talk to a stranger,than a member of your family,or a close friend.I've lost many friends and aqua trances to suicide over the years,I wonder ,if it's just a sign of the times. Does modern day pressure play a role in this terrible outcome? I think quite possibly it does. If the person is very stuck for cash,can't pay debts,or heat their home,or feed their family. I think one or all of these factors could well play a significant part in causing someone to take their own life.

My thinking face!

Days Pass Fast,life Moves On.

i still remember when my girls were small

seems like yesterday,more fun when their small.

now older and wiser,tougher and moody

cranky,short tempered,upset and broody.

cant do right,can only do wrong

to all parents of teenagers,a familiar song.

I'm a bank,cook,and a chauffeur

all notice,I'm ever more poor.

try to support,cheer up and be there

most days I just pull out my hair.

My,trying to look intelligent face.

Five of the same.

bringing up five girls

was not a real breeze

up and down and emotional

your patience they tease.

try your last nerve,

press your final button

don't dress up anymore

you feel like a shut in.

if you pass parenthood

you can pass any test

you can hold your head high

Stuff all the rest.

This cheers me up.

Fun and Games.

My two pups are both rescue dogs,I got both of them from the Scottish Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. A great ,and public funded charity. There are similar organisations all over the world. We never considered a rescue dog in the past. We always got our dogs from local breeders. When we went to visit our local dog pound,it was a big mistake. I wanted to bring them all home with me. The looks of sadness on the dogs faces was heartbreaking. Some dogs barked,others just sat and looked straight through me,as if they weren't there. It was one of the saddest things I've ever witnessed. The older Staffordshire Terrier had a haunted look in his eye. I even tried to talk to him to give him a bit of attention. It was a waste of time,the wee guy didn't even know I was there, he just looked lost. These organisations receive no government money whatsoever, I give money every month to the charity. I feel in some small way I might be helping these poor dogs.

Two Pups.

two pups,double trouble

in the ring like a royal rumble.

fight all day,cuddle all night

never apart,a wonderful sight.

daft carry on,accident proned

certain areas,need to be zoned.

they crash through chairs,boxes and all

till inevitably one of them has to fall.

all action madness

no fear of pain

seem happy all the time

seems like they do gain

a sense of brotherhood,family and friends

no matter the trouble,love always mends.

These two guys cheer me up every day.

Rescue or Breeder?

What dog is better?

See results

Can't fail to give a lift.

Loch Goilhead Holiday.

This was Max,my wife and I on holiday,also my daughter Niamh was there too. Max was a shy dog,when we took him on holiday,he came out of his shell in a spectacular way. He was like a different dog from the one at home. He was bonkers,crazy,funny as the video shows clearly. We have been back a couple of times since this video,not only because Max enjoys the holiday,we all love it too. It's a place I would highly recommend to anyone.Scotland has some true gems hidden,not advertised too much,but an experience to behold.


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