I'm Not a Pedestrian, I'm a Bio-Green Vehicle

Just the other day I was on a walk with my wife. As typically occurs, something unique and interesting always seems to present itself. Especially if you keep your eyes open and also happen to have a great imagination, which I do. I believe my Andy Rooney (CBS, 60Minutes) “sarcastic humor” like analysis on life is one of those character attributes that keeps our conversations interesting and gives her a reason to argue with me. This day would prove not to disappoint us in the humor department. The small things in life really make unique events like what I’m about to share priceless.

As we were walking our last mile, as typical on this route, we cut through the same business parking lot we had been walking through for the last 3 years. Only this day we noticed a delivery truck struggling to back into the docking area. This particular parking lot is always full of employee cars that tend to crowd the loading dock area which makes backing in a truck rather challenging.

Since we were aware of the challenge this truck driver was facing, we stopped our walk to allow the driver to jockey for position. We felt we were doing him a courtesy since we’d be one last obstacle to get in his way, or something he should be concerned about. As he now cleared our walking path my wife and I smiled and waved as we began to continue the last leg of our walk

Without words to each other we knew we had done the right thing by not becoming an obstacle for him. I must point out the oncoming traffic didn’t extend the same regard for his predicament to get the truck off the main parking lot through-road. As a matter of fact, my wife and I had commented to each other about how rude people are in their vehicles. They couldn’t even stop for a second to let him back his truck in without creating a potential safety hazard. It was like watching a bad dodge ball game.

As we continued our walk “after his truck was backed in,” we passed the cab area of the truck. And as we walked approximately 10’ past his cab, we heard him say something. Still not over our conversation about how patient he was with the other vehicles, I turned my head and sure enough he was saying something to us. So without saying a word, he repeated what he was sure we didn’t hear the first time.

“This isn’t a pedestrian pathway,” he stated in a most notably harsh and irritated tone. And then he made it a point to repeat it one more time, without us even questioning the first time he knew we heard him. [I thought, guess he’s entitled… sour grapes]

Well, I didn’t miss a step in my walking pace as I was more concerned about getting the cardio in. I mostly just nodded and waved him off kindly. However, my wife on the other hand is not able to let something like that stand. She’s a little more vocal, especially if she feels someone is just flat out wrong and rude [Let the fireworks rip].

Her reply; “Yah, Yah, Yah, keep your shorts on, we heard you… Brother, where do you get the nerve,” or something close to that context.

As often occurs after something like that catches you off guard you have a conversation about it if there’s someone with you. Am I right? Of course I am. So my first words to her, “that was pretty ballsy to make that statement.”

“Well he was rude, don’t you think.”

“Well that’s not the point; he could have gone road rage on you or something in that big ass truck!”

“I’d like to see him try.”

OK… I see an opening to take the steam out of her.

I immediately initiated the talking points volley that eventually tickled my wife pink.

“Did you see any signs posted with regard to the path we chose to walk through that public parking lot? And if there were any signs posted, were there any signs that mention, or remotely mentioned, no pedestrians authorized, or anything to that nature?”

“No, and No I sure did not.”

And do you suppose if we had metal around our pedestrian bodies, or our bodily vessel was made out of metal, would that truck driver have extended to us the same courtesy of yielding to us as a “metal vessel” as he did for the other vehicles?

“Why honey, I’m sure he would have.” [She starts to giggle, “Like, where are you going with this?”]

“Do you think the truck dude was a green guy?”

“What the hell does that have anything to do with a metal vessel? [Laughing]

Hear me out. Think about it. “We’re not pedestrians; we’re not metal vessels, “and when on the move, we’re BIO-GREEN Vehicles!” [Now she’s laughing harder]. So his statement “No pedestrians allowed held no legitimate weight.” There were no signs, and truth be told, we’re really Bio-Green Vehicles, so he was completely wrong with his assessment of our right-of-way and trespassing through a public parking lot. [Now she’s tickled pink…]

“I’m serious; we’re reducing our carbon footprint by walking. And it just so happens we’re Bio-Green Vehicles. No metal, multi-modal capable… Yep, we’re green.”

“Are you serious [she’s laughing so hard, I start to laugh]? Green vehicles! That’s great! Let’s go back and tell him we’re BIO-GREEN Vehicles!”

“I don’t think we should go back there, he looked like he was having a bad day. Adding to his negative mood by making this analogy point face-to-face seems counterintuitive.” [She’s still going, eating up this new found terminology, giddy with her new found “in your face answer”].

Side Note: Of course, later we have a discussion and argument on how she came up with Bio-Green vehicle concept and I was not the original creator. This is really the argument part of our relationship which would make another great story.

Wife - “Yah, we’re green vehicles! How dare you discriminate against us because we don’t have skins of metal and we’re only low grade Bio-Green Scum?” [Now she’s talking and laughing loud enough for the truck driver to hear her].

“Common, it wasn’t that funny. Tapper it down a little, I’m sure he can hear you. I'm positive the truck guy hears her and is not amuzed... He didn't pursue any further input to his original statements.

Still laughing, “I can’t believe it, where do you come up with this stuff, BIO-Green Vehicle with “right-of-way.” Yah, I’m a BIO-Green Vehicle, stay out of my way before I plow you over!” And as stated, she’s in complete denial it went down this way.

[Laughing the last mile of the walk… I have to admit, rummaging over all the scenarios with this one… it was fun]. Poor guy in the truck, if only he could have seen the humor in this particular moment in time.

See I told you, never a dull moment on our walks. Just remember, you carry your brain in a Bio-Green Vessel and when you hit the road… Technically, my wife and I agree, we should be classified as Bio-Green Vehicles with appropriate right-of-way and privileged road signage for multi-modal access. To do any less is to discriminate against the Bio-Green pedestrian.