I'm Possible

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In a way, I’m so Blessed that it’s a curse.

See, I was in a terrible car crash about 14 years ago and I probably should have died, but by the Grace of God I survived. The physical injuries and trauma healed rather quickly due to the work of experts in the medical field and much hard work on my part. But what I have learned is that external injuries, even those that split a man’s head open and cause him to lose EVERYTHING, are the glamorous parts of human suffering. What is not glamorous, and what has been haunting me all this time, are the internal injuries which people don’t see and can’t appreciate, but which have left me a mouse sprinting with all his might on a f*cking spinning wheel, all while contained inside a suffocating cage. I have summarized the early parts of my journey in my book, entitled “The Blessed One”. The head injury which I suffered severed millions of neurons in my brain and left my body believing that I have Narcolepsy, Insomnia, Bipolar Disorder, Clinical Depression at times, and an Anxiety Disorder. Oh, and the damage to my Pituitary Gland left me with a damaged Thyroid and a deficient Testosterone level. All of these conditions have been discovered, one at a time, driven by my terrible frustration wondering “WHY”, and what the Hell was wrong with me, and why did I feel so horrible.

But all of that is neither the Blessing nor the curse. The Blessing is that to look at me and what I have accomplished in these 14 years, any objective observer would consider me to be a rather impressive individual who has experienced much, has significant ambition and who has had maybe an average to slightly below average track record of success. But nothing that really stands out one way or the other. That is my Blessing- that if I did indeed need to suffer that damn car crash, that I have been able to recover to this extent. The Curse is that I KNOW!!! Due to my Blessings I have experienced many wonderful and desirable things, people and places. And I fit that mold entirely. I CAN DO all the things that it takes to be extraordinary, the problem is that I can’t maintain that level of output week after week, season after season. So I know just how good my life could and should be, and I know that I can attain those levels. But I also know that based on my life experience that I just can’t stay in that glorious rare air. And “Is to have had, then lost, better than never having at all?” I’m not sure I can handle much more failure or rejection at this point.

I try to live a life of Praise to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, but Peace is a luxury that I’m not afforded. If I let down my guard- and my fight- and my animosity even a little bit, I become resigned to failure and to the dregs of society. No, I need to keep a “Prove You Wrong” attitude and attack quote-unquote “reality”. I have had 2 numbing experiences in the last 6 months which have me on my heels at the moment. Firstly, I was in a relative good point of health when, out of the blue, I was haunted and finally confronted- for a 2^nd time- by the Devil himself! (It’s a long story that spans back to the first 2 years following my accident.) Obviously no normal person has the capacity to believe that possible, so ultimately I was told by a lawyer who specializes in Disability that I was a PERFECT candidate for Total Disability. WTF?!!! That jarred me to the core because all this time I’ve been trying to prove that I was totally fine and that I wasn’t handicapped. Then a couple weeks ago my psychologist told me, following my prodding of him as to why I wasn’t getting anywhere, that my brain was permanently damaged and that I was operating on between 70-80% capacity- and it could never exceed that. If I was looking for excuses, damn, I think I already had plenty! I don’t really need this one as well.

Based on these 2 recent attacks on my Faith I have decided that I need to reach back into my quiver and pull out that old “F*ck the World” attitude and prove EVERYONE wrong all over again. So in honor of my rekindling my old flame and remembering all those who have lost SO MUCH to the horror of closed head injuries, I have written a song/poem to fire me back up- and anyone else who wants to claim my sentiments.

Yesterday, I knew the Good Lord’s love in every way

I thought Blessings promised me would stay

Yes, I believed that Yesterday

-

Alas, Today, Blessed wealth and health are stripped away

What I did so wrong- He wouldn’t say

Today, I pray for Yesterday

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^(Trumpet Crescendo)^^

((believe))

(believe)

believe
Believe
BELIEVE
BELIEVE… ME!!!

Y'all say "no possibility"

B*tches doubt- I'm a certainty

Maxed out? UH!- No capacity
Unlikely?- I live surely
No ‘Maybe’ or ‘No’- I'm ‘Yes’
Not lucky or cursed- I'm blessed
F*ck 70%- I'm Heaven-sent
F*ck disability- don't underestimate
Doubtful? Don't you dare doubt me!!!
Unbelievable? That's all I do
Unrealistic? I will show you real
Out of touch? I'll make you feel

I'm a dreamer? I will make you see

You say “heresy”? I'm here to say:

Once lost, now found- heir to the Crown

Unattainable? You said I'm unexplainable
My war's un-winnable? Bro, you ain’t know!
I'm back again for y'all to see

B*tch A** haters vomit out "I(')mpossible"
Those B*tches clearly don’t…. know… me!!!

God broke up the lie- I'm the apostrophe

Rejoice!

My gospel:

The Past is Impossible

Today I'm Possible!!!

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Yesderday, the Good Lord kept the Evil One away

Now it seems the Devil has his way

So I’m at war each night and day

-

Vividly, that Covenant seems like a memory

I still remember how good life should be

Oh, Yesterday is haunting me

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(spoken)
There’s no can or can’t
Just will or won’t
You’ll never do- the things you don’t
You can’t accomplish
What you try
Decide- Believe

Advance Confidently in the Direction of your Dreams!

-after all-
We all fall or fly

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Today Father God remember me-

Father God remember me,

Ohhh, Remember me!

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^(Trumpet Crescendo)^^

You say "You’re crazy but I kinda like you"

'F*ck up! I’ll win this B*tch in spite of you!

I'll inspire while I enlighten you

I'll expand you while I heighten you

I'll love you while I'm fightin' you

I'll bite off Sh*t that frightens you

Each of us will face our strife

That’s why the winners’ flame’s so hot

All these body blows from Lucifer

Just strike the heel of FAITH I’ve got

"Respect- silly Satan- you a scrappy n*gga

You killed me- broke my body- NOT my will

Born Again Entheos- itchy finger on this trigga’

(But I've already won!)

I'd squeeze- but Christ already crushed your figure!!!"

I'm a m*tha f*ckin’ warrior indwelled with Power

I'm a servant soldier of Jehovah- y'all go be free

B*tch A** haters vomit out "I(')mpossible"
Those B*tches clearly don’t…. know… me!!!

God broke up the lie- I'm the apostrophe

Rejoice!

My gospel:

The Past is Impossible

Today I'm Possible!!!

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Believe in ME!

I'm Possible!!!