In Memoriam: The Night Sky. Monday's Inspiration 58. A Tribute to Chris Mills (Cam8510) Belated Wife

My beloved spiritual brother Chris Mills, was devastated, to say the least, by his wife’s passing and even to this day, he still feels her absence. Here’s what he has to say about Sandy in his own words:

“She was a sweetheart, a giver, enthusiastic, intelligent with a heart to give much more than she was capable of giving. She had high standards that few could reach, including me. I reached and reached and reached, but it was not enough, so I finally satisfied myself with falling.

No, I didn't totally give up. I didn't walk out on the family. When cancer came along, I rose again. I supported her, went to every doctor's appointment, every chemo and radiation treatment. Do you know, she had over 100 radiation treatments? They had to stop, because her bone marrow could not take more.

I wrestled some with alcohol, but was able to put it away. Sandy had a lot of trouble with that and I don't blame her. Since her death, I have tried to honor her memory as best I can.

She was the most excellent person I have ever known. She was the most loving, giving, driving, achieving person I have known. I just couldn't keep up. Maybe that is why she was taken.

My sons grieve to this day, over eleven years after her death.

This is why I grieve so much. It isn't only that I lost her. I grieve her disappointment in me.

I loved Sandy with the totality of my being every day of our lives together and still do.

We went on hot air balloon rides and across the Appalachian Trail in Pennsylvania. It was seven months before she died. Later, my son, Dan, hiked that trail for 2200 miles in honor of his mother. Most of the time, these days, my heart is broken. -Chris Mills

Chris asked me to write a poem to honour his wife, using the below mentioned details:

“Another subject she adored was the night sky. Stars, galaxies, nebulae, black holes, constellations. We purchased an 8-inch telescope that enabled us to view the Andromeda galaxy, our nearest galactic neighbor and the Orion Nebula. We saw the moons of Jupiter and the rings of Saturn.

As a family, we hiked to the top of the sand dunes near our home on Lake Michigan and watched in utter darkness the spectacular Leonid meteor showers. It was an exhilarating and learning time. So, the challenge to you is to write a poem in honor of my late wife, Sandy, regarding the night sky. It was one of her passions. “– Chris Mills

Her Heart of sweetness,

Soars upon the wings of Love,

Kissing and adorning my core with beauty,

Like a rose, emitting a flawless fragrance.

We soar above the crest of sand dunes on Lake Michigan,

As the spectacle of Leonid meteor showers, display

Their radiance in the dark. Our hearts gaze as one,

At perennial constellations in the Andromeda galaxy.

A host of virgin stars, twinkle upon stellar nurseries,

Nebulae gliding with intrigue and mystery, in planetary

Formations. Sucked into our 8-inch telescopes, this bright

Patch floats, within a vast indigo blue;

Captivating and hugging our emotions.

Orion’s nebula; these illustrious moons of Jupiter

And rings of Saturn, light up with a luminosity that

Brings me to tears. I’m remembering my Sandy, of how she loved

Those bewildering moments, filling our core with reverence.

I once painted love-letters from my soul, on the impeccable heavens;

Now the dark chilled night sends a torrent of despair, to a heart

Taking shelter in an abyss, on the agony of past memories.

Sweet Sandy, my Queen, your incandescent lustre, so much more

Grandiose than the sun, is both friend and enemy of the night sky.

Because I look at it … am reminded of the diamond I still love;

Who flew unto the Elysian lap of Paradise.

I sob constantly, experiencing the pain of myriad deaths!

-Manatita, The Lantern Carrier. 15^th December, 2019.

“Say not in grief that she is no more
but say in thankfulness that she was
A death is not the extinguishing of a light,
but the putting out of the lamp
because the dawn has come.” -Rabindranath Tagore

"When Swami Vivekananda left the body, on July 4th, 1902, nobody, nobody cried as bitterly as Swami Brahmananda. Brahmananda said, "Now I have lost everything. In you, I found my brother, father, everything. Now I have lost all. How could you go and leave me alone? Today you have made me helpless, helpless."

Then he literally jumped on Vivekananda's dead body, crying and crying like a little child." -Sri Chinmoy.

Jesus wept. Brahmananda was a God-realised soul and even he cried.

When I’m Gone

When I come to the end of my journey
And I travel my last weary mile
Just forget if you can, that I ever frowned
And remember only the smile

Forget unkind words I have spoken
Remember some good I have done
Forget that I ever had heartache
And remember I've had loads of fun

Forget that I've stumbled and blundered
And sometimes fell by the way
Remember I have fought some hard battles
And won, ere the close of the day

Then forget to grieve for my going
I would not have you sad for a day
But in summer just gather some flowers
And remember the place where I lay

And come in the shade of evening
When the sun paints the sky in the west
Stand for a few moments beside me
And remember only my best

Mosiah Lyman Hancock

“Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
and things are not what they seem.
Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art; to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.” -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Sri Chinmoy teaches that grief or bereavement helps us and Sri Krishna teaches that the wise grieve neither for the living nor the dead. Both statements are correct, but has to be seen in the light of the growth of each soul.

For the Saint, this world is nothing but beauty, but for the ordinary soul, it is a painful struggle. We need to grieve, but as we grow, we learn, through wisdom or discernment, that nothing happens without the will of the Lord … that the Supreme either approves, sanctions or tolerates whatever is going on.

"What ever happens in Divine Providence is always for the best, because there is no alternative." - Sri Chinmoy

"...There is no guide to grief! No compass,

No maps, no GPS. The blind has a dog, yes;

The Captain, his navigational charts.

But Love, the astrolabe of God’s secrets,

Carves its choice hour, into the emptiness of each soul."

- Manatita, The Lantern Carrier, 26^th March, 2019.

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