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In Memoriam: The Night Sky. Monday's Inspiration 58. A Tribute to Chris Mills (Cam8510) Belated Wife

Updated on December 16, 2019
manatita44 profile image

Manatita is an esteemed author living in London, UK. He writes spiritual books, flash fiction and esoteric poetry, his favourite genre.

My beloved spiritual brother Chris Mills, was devastated, to say the least, by his wife’s passing and even to this day, he still feels her absence. Here’s what he has to say about Sandy in his own words:

“She was a sweetheart, a giver, enthusiastic, intelligent with a heart to give much more than she was capable of giving. She had high standards that few could reach, including me. I reached and reached and reached, but it was not enough, so I finally satisfied myself with falling.

No, I didn't totally give up. I didn't walk out on the family. When cancer came along, I rose again. I supported her, went to every doctor's appointment, every chemo and radiation treatment. Do you know, she had over 100 radiation treatments? They had to stop, because her bone marrow could not take more.

I wrestled some with alcohol, but was able to put it away. Sandy had a lot of trouble with that and I don't blame her. Since her death, I have tried to honor her memory as best I can.

She was the most excellent person I have ever known. She was the most loving, giving, driving, achieving person I have known. I just couldn't keep up. Maybe that is why she was taken.

My sons grieve to this day, over eleven years after her death.

This is why I grieve so much. It isn't only that I lost her. I grieve her disappointment in me.

I loved Sandy with the totality of my being every day of our lives together and still do.

We went on hot air balloon rides and across the Appalachian Trail in Pennsylvania. It was seven months before she died. Later, my son, Dan, hiked that trail for 2200 miles in honor of his mother. Most of the time, these days, my heart is broken. -Chris Mills

Chris asked me to write a poem to honour his wife, using the below mentioned details:

“Another subject she adored was the night sky. Stars, galaxies, nebulae, black holes, constellations. We purchased an 8-inch telescope that enabled us to view the Andromeda galaxy, our nearest galactic neighbor and the Orion Nebula. We saw the moons of Jupiter and the rings of Saturn.

As a family, we hiked to the top of the sand dunes near our home on Lake Michigan and watched in utter darkness the spectacular Leonid meteor showers. It was an exhilarating and learning time. So, the challenge to you is to write a poem in honor of my late wife, Sandy, regarding the night sky. It was one of her passions. “– Chris Mills

Andromeda Galaxy (M31)
Andromeda Galaxy (M31) | Source

The Night Sky. A soulful dedication to the late Sandy Mills


Her Heart of sweetness,

Soars upon the wings of Love,

Kissing and adorning my core with beauty,

Like a rose, emitting a flawless fragrance.


We soar above the crest of sand dunes on Lake Michigan,

As the spectacle of Leonid meteor showers, display

Their radiance in the dark. Our hearts gaze as one,

At perennial constellations in the Andromeda galaxy.


A host of virgin stars, twinkle upon stellar nurseries,

Nebulae gliding with intrigue and mystery, in planetary

Formations. Sucked into our 8-inch telescopes, this bright

Patch floats, within a vast indigo blue;

Captivating and hugging our emotions.


Orion’s nebula; these illustrious moons of Jupiter

And rings of Saturn, light up with a luminosity that

Brings me to tears. I’m remembering my Sandy, of how she loved

Those bewildering moments, filling our core with reverence.


I once painted love-letters from my soul, on the impeccable heavens;

Now the dark chilled night sends a torrent of despair, to a heart

Taking shelter in an abyss, on the agony of past memories.


Sweet Sandy, my Queen, your incandescent lustre, so much more

Grandiose than the sun, is both friend and enemy of the night sky.

Because I look at it … am reminded of the diamond I still love;

Who flew unto the Elysian lap of Paradise.

I sob constantly, experiencing the pain of myriad deaths!


-Manatita, The Lantern Carrier. 15th December, 2019.


Sandy Mills (Chris' wife)
Sandy Mills (Chris' wife) | Source

Quote from a great Sage

“Say not in grief that she is no more
but say in thankfulness that she was
A death is not the extinguishing of a light,
but the putting out of the lamp
because the dawn has come.” -Rabindranath Tagore

The words from a song by Natalie Merchant. Extremely meaningful to Chris

Photo taken on the Appalachian trail in Pennsyllvania
Photo taken on the Appalachian trail in Pennsyllvania | Source

"When Swami Vivekananda left the body, on July 4th, 1902, nobody, nobody cried as bitterly as Swami Brahmananda. Brahmananda said, "Now I have lost everything. In you, I found my brother, father, everything. Now I have lost all. How could you go and leave me alone? Today you have made me helpless, helpless."

Then he literally jumped on Vivekananda's dead body, crying and crying like a little child." -Sri Chinmoy.

Jesus wept. Brahmananda was a God-realised soul and even he cried.

When I'm Gone. Poem by Rory Geek

When I am Gone

When I’m Gone

When I come to the end of my journey
And I travel my last weary mile
Just forget if you can, that I ever frowned
And remember only the smile

Forget unkind words I have spoken
Remember some good I have done
Forget that I ever had heartache
And remember I've had loads of fun

Forget that I've stumbled and blundered
And sometimes fell by the way
Remember I have fought some hard battles
And won, ere the close of the day

Then forget to grieve for my going
I would not have you sad for a day
But in summer just gather some flowers
And remember the place where I lay

And come in the shade of evening
When the sun paints the sky in the west
Stand for a few moments beside me
And remember only my best

Mosiah Lyman Hancock

Chris and his wife Sandy
Chris and his wife Sandy | Source

“Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
and things are not what they seem.
Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art; to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.” -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Sri Chinmoy teaches that grief or bereavement helps us and Sri Krishna teaches that the wise grieve neither for the living nor the dead. Both statements are correct, but has to be seen in the light of the growth of each soul.

For the Saint, this world is nothing but beauty, but for the ordinary soul, it is a painful struggle. We need to grieve, but as we grow, we learn, through wisdom or discernment, that nothing happens without the will of the Lord … that the Supreme either approves, sanctions or tolerates whatever is going on.

"What ever happens in Divine Providence is always for the best, because there is no alternative." - Sri Chinmoy

"...There is no guide to grief! No compass,

No maps, no GPS. The blind has a dog, yes;

The Captain, his navigational charts.

But Love, the astrolabe of God’s secrets,

Carves its choice hour, into the emptiness of each soul."

- Manatita, The Lantern Carrier, 26th March, 2019.

"

Mary Elizabeth Fry

Bereavement and grieving

Have you experienced this and if so, how painful was/is it?

See results

© 2019 manatita44

Comments

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  • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

    manatita44 

    15 months ago from london

    Thank you so much, Peggy.

    I just re-read the piece. Teary-eyed I was! But my poetry also baffles me. I do not know how I can write such eloquent pieces, even if I sing my own praises. I look at it and say: "Wow! Was that me!" It's not too bad. Thank you so much!

  • Peggy W profile image

    Peggy Woods 

    15 months ago from Houston, Texas

    These are words of encouragement for Chris upon the loss of his dear wife, Sandy. It is a heartbreak for him and his entire family and those who knew and loved Sandy when she died. May the memories of that sweet soul help to comfort Chris and others. Your piece written in her honor is beautiful.

  • bravewarrior profile image

    Shauna L Bowling 

    18 months ago from Central Florida

    Manatita, my family and my good HP friends call me Sha. No one at work does. Hmmmm. I'd be honored for you to call me Sha!

  • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

    manatita44 

    18 months ago from london

    Thank You, Sha.

    We are one in Spirit and it is the Spirit in you that is awakened to the Love I try to offer. A victory to you and a Divine victory to God. Not all can see this. I'm so happy on this Boxing day (day after Christmas), that all is just beauty here … good will, as it should be in the spirit of Christ. Infinite gratitude.

    Note how I address you. I have always wanted to call you this. Feels more intimate. Lol. Haha. Don't worry. Higher blessings,

  • bravewarrior profile image

    Shauna L Bowling 

    18 months ago from Central Florida

    Manatita, this is a beautiful tribute to Chris' late wife. I'm sure he'll read this over and over again.

    You bring Light to the Darkness, Manatita. That is your calling.

  • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

    manatita44 

    18 months ago from london

    Thank you.

    Be like the mystic. Make it every day. I feel sure that you are trying. See if you like this piece:

    " Do the work of this world, as if you are always going to inhabit it. Do the work of the other world, as if you are going there tomorrow." Author unknown.

  • Ericdierker profile image

    Eric Dierker 

    18 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

    Manatita I do not do Christmas day. I do Christmas two weeks. hihihi. Lights up tonight outside. Blesses on you and your others.

  • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

    manatita44 

    18 months ago from london

    A mighty fine sentiment, indeed, my Brother Eric. Hold on, Bro. 2020 is just around the corner and a few more. God's Peace be with you. Merry Christmas!!

  • Ericdierker profile image

    Eric Dierker 

    18 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

    Excellence. I mean that as in this piece. As in her life and as in Chris carrying on. I am on the receiving stick of the house of fire known as cancer. So we take stock and build our loved ones up so they carry on as Chris does.

    This was a wonderful piece and peace. Let heavens shine upon all.

  • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

    manatita44 

    18 months ago from london

    Yes.

    My Dear Nikki.

    They say some marriages are made in heaven. Married for life. Thank you for your fine sentiment.

    I'll be at the Hideaway again tomorrow, inshal'lah.

    Merry Christmas to you and family.

  • nikkikhan10 profile image

    Nikki Khan 

    18 months ago from London

    This is a fabulous dedication to Chris's elegant wife. I know she must be an amazing human being too. The wonderful part of this love story is that Chris is madly in love with her after all these years, the real delight.

    Truly, a heartfelt masterpiece!

    Blessings Manatita ji!

  • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

    manatita44 

    18 months ago from london

    Yes.

    Sound advice on the surface but never easy to do. The painful thing for us is that sometimes we seem to know the answer, yet God's plan for each soul is different and has to be worked out.

    I have my own struggles. Different but there. Who knows the ways of the Lord. Some say that learning even one lesson, can take lifetimes!

    Thank you, my Friend. Happy Christmas!

  • MsDora profile image

    Dora Weithers 

    18 months ago from The Caribbean

    Your poem is so loving and caring, and all the other additions help make an awesome tribute to Chris' wife. To Chris too. Would love to tell him to forgive himself. Both God and she would forgive him, and to accept that would be to accept that he is forgiven.

  • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

    manatita44 

    18 months ago from london

    Yes, Indeed, Elijah.

    He seems to in his comments here. His wife is still his Empress and so I had them both in mind. Thanks Bro and also for your beautiful card and words. Glory be!

  • The0NatureBoy profile image

    Elijah A Alexander Jr 

    18 months ago from Washington DC

    Your poem most likely have pleased Chris, it contained all he'd asked for. That part of the job was well done as well as the quoted poems you inserted. I'm sure he appreciated them as much as I did.

  • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

    manatita44 

    18 months ago from london

    Ah,

    Thank you so much, Devika. A beautiful write from you! Peace.

  • DDE profile image

    Devika Primić 

    18 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

    This is amazing! I see the light in your great words of Chris's wife. So much to take in here of a wonderful person

  • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

    manatita44 

    18 months ago from london

    Yes Lorna.

    Would be so nice! Chris is a very special soul. zThank you so much!

  • Lorna Lamon profile image

    Lorna Lamon 

    18 months ago

    Such a beautiful tribute which I am sure will ease the pain of sorrow.

  • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

    manatita44 

    18 months ago from london

    Thank you so much Linda C. I know that you appreciate beauty and so this piece would have touched you.

    Your sentiment for Chris wife is highly appreciated

    Thank you Chris for re-visiting the piece. The gentleman in you is paying thanks Very kind . Very kind!

  • AliciaC profile image

    Linda Crampton 

    18 months ago from British Columbia, Canada

    This is a wonderful tribute to Sandy, Manatita. I love your own words and those of Rabindranath Tagore and the other people that you've named.

  • cam8510 profile image

    Chris Mills 

    18 months ago from Traverse City, MI

    I need to step back in here and say thank you to everyone who has read and commented on manatita's amazing and awesome words in this hub. Thank you my HubPages friends. Your thoughts, prayers, and words produce something nearly tangible inside me. It is like air, or food, or water. You give me strength. Thank you all.

  • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR

    manatita44 

    18 months ago from london

    Sorry I'm late here guys. The various sentiments and support for Chris' wife Sandy, touches me deeply

    Thanks John, for appreciating the beauty in this piece and your support for Chris here. Gratitude.

    Rosina,

    Your kind sentiment is appreciated and I'm really happy that you have visited this Hub for Chris and his beloved wife.

    Well Brother Chris,

    Your sentiment is music to my ears! I just hope you didn't cry … or shouldn't you? (smile) My heartfelt gratitude that you gave me the opportunity and a few words. You know you have my Heart, bro. Peace.

    Bill,

    Your very strong support will not go unnoticed. God bless your own family. Love, as always.

    Ruby,

    Yes, I know of your travails and indeed you have mentioned it. I can't send too many cards in these situations and I have sent you another for tomorrow. You know that you are dear to me.

    Cancer is a big one and my 54-yr old sister in Houston is at stage 4. She lives her life, though. Your support for this family here is noted and highly appreciated.

    Linda,

    Yes, to look towards heaven, to recognise that the Buddha and other men and women of God are wise to remind us that all things are transitory, except the inner Light of God.

    I suspect we need the struggle or nudge from Him … I suspect that He wishes to enjoy His game. Naturally, we being His, desire the same experience, however painful. Much Love, my Sweet.

    Ioannis, my brother,

    You continue to write in such a heartfelt way! I'm sure that Chris would be touched. Know that you have always been very dear to me and that your family is well loved.

    Audrey H,

    Yes. Not easy for you. I know. Folks like me should make it easier. Perhaps we say the wrong things when we write for you. Not intentional. Do forgive me.

    Your sentiments for Chris and wife and all those who have lost loved ones are noted. Many of us have. Higher blessings and may the Grace of our Lord and the fellowship of the Holy Spirt guide and bless you, now and forever … amen.

    Verlie,

    Such a 'sweet' sentiment. Of course it will be music to Chris' ears. He gave me the theme and judging my his comments here, I seem to have done a decent job. Glory be! I truly appreciate your support. Peace.

  • snakeslane profile image

    Verlie Burroughs 

    18 months ago from Canada

    Oh gosh Manatita this is a beautiful, moving poetic tribute to Chris Mills dear wife Sandy. The theme of starlight wove throughout is awesome.

  • vocalcoach profile image

    Audrey Hunt 

    18 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

    A beautiful and loving tribute to a special man, Chris and his dear wife, Sandy. Those of us who have lost loved ones, know something about grief, how it never let's go, how just when we think we have conquered grief, it rises up, striking the very core of our being.

    Knowing that one day we will all be together again, provides little comfort, still, it gives us hope and a reason to live on.

  • Sean Dragon profile image

    Ioannis Arvanitis 

    18 months ago from Greece, Almyros

    I have never met Sandy but is like I know her through the beautiful work of Chris, through the honor of her son, through my prayers for her when I tried to write a story for her and Chris, and now through the sublime verses of Manatita! My brother Chris you know how I love you and through you, I have loved Sandy too. This means two things. First, she is still alive in our hearts and second, when someone can make a stranger like me to love a person has never met, then this someone cannot disappoint Love! My prayers are always with both of you.

    My dearest brother, Manatita, my tears and the Love you brought out of me is my thank you for the beauty of your Heart, oh Lantern, my Lantern! I Love you both!

    Prayers for Sandy and Chris!

    Sean

  • Carb Diva profile image

    Linda Lum 

    18 months ago from Washington State, USA

    Thank you for such a loving tribute to a beautiful human being. Chris's memories of his Sandy are amazing; I cannot imagine being so loved. Her absence is yet one more reason to look forward to Heaven.

  • always exploring profile image

    Ruby Jean Richert 

    18 months ago from Southern Illinois

    My heart is hurting for Chris. Losing someone you love is unbearable at times. I lost my son Jackie last Dec. the 17TH, tomorrow will be one year and I miss him everyday. He had cancer too, and it spread to his brain. He couldn't speak or hear. I know he is in heaven and pain-free, but I still grieve. I hope Chris knows how much he is loved by all who read his stories, and thankful for his help which he freely gives. Thank you for this beautiful tribute.

  • billybuc profile image

    Bill Holland 

    18 months ago from Olympia, WA

    When a person like Sandy passes on, we all are diminished. It is like a portion of the air we breathe is forever lost to us, and as a society we will never again breathe that air. In a world where civility and respect seem to be in short supply, we cannot afford to lose more "Sandys."

    My heart goes out to Chris; my sympathies go out to us all for this loss.

  • cam8510 profile image

    Chris Mills 

    18 months ago from Traverse City, MI

    Manatita, You have captured Sandy's essence here in a way that no video or photograph could do. You have taken my feeble words and filled them with beauty. My heartfelt thanks, dear brother, for these words of life in memory of Sandy.

  • surovi99 profile image

    Rosina S Khan 

    18 months ago

    Sad but beautiful. May Sandy Mills rest in peace in the heavenly paradise above us. A perfect tribute to her, Manatita. A well-written hub indeed!

  • Jodah profile image

    John Hansen 

    18 months ago from Queensland Australia

    Just a beautiful and touching tribute to Chris’s dear wife Sandy. I am sure it will move him to tears, but joyful ones. Well done bro, bravo!

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