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In My Own Words: safe-at-last's Convoluted Comedy & Logical Irony

Updated on September 4, 2011

The question is not "To be, or not to be?", the question is "So, just how far down the rabbit hole do you really want to go?". (A Mel Stewart Original)

MA - Mature Audiences Only

WARNING: PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS HUB CONTAINS OCCASIONAL COURSE LANGUAGE Please do not read any further if you are offended by course language or are under 18 years of age. Thank you. Mel Stewart (safe-at-last)

In this hub I have included some of my more bizarre, convoluted, pedantic and/or amusing one liners and quotes. Please feel free to use them, but please remember to credit me (Mel Stewart or safe-at-last) for all quotes as all my writing is under the following copyright:

Copyright © 2010 Mel Stewart, "safe-at-last" of Perth, Western Australia, and Licensors Nodtronics Pty Ltd. All rights reserved.


"Every activist needs a good rant every now and then." - Mel Stewart (safe-at-last)

  • DISCLAIMER: Any post on this page is not intended to offend any person, of any gender, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, political opinion, body type, blood type or hair color, in any way, whether directly, indirectly, or inadvertently.
  • To be a fruitcake or not to be a fruitcake? THAT is the question! Um, OK, truth is that personally, I would prefer neither to be, nor not to be, because I am in fact quite happy being a rather fine nut instead. Nuttiness is not a sign of insanity, as many non-nuts may think, but a sign of intelligent insight that enables all nuts to affectionately appreciate fruitcakes everywhere!!!!
  • When you ASSUME, you make an ASS out of U and ME. In other words, [(misunderstandings x miscommunications) + (misspoken feelings x misinterpreted words)] + [(misprioritized efforts + missedopportunities) ÷ misconceptions] = missing-the-whole-bloody-point!!!!!!!!!!
  • The greatest thing about finding someone just as weird as me is that he thinks I am COMPLETELY normal!

No matter what - hang in there! Never panic! The trick is to remain calm in any situation, not matter how alarming it may be or how helpless you may feel. Of course, there are some situations that leave you with no choice; In such situations, the best thing to do is just sit back and relax...

  • In my defense, the intent behind my politically incorrect outburst was itself politically correct.
  • Wow, you learn something new every day! As usual, one of my comments turned into a thesis length essay, and when I hit the "comment" tab to post it, I was informed by FB that the maximum length allowed for a comment is 8000 characters..... oh dear, another Mel Moment! Too much coffee again me thinks....
  • Captain Jack Sparrow has commandeered my thump thump. Why? Because I love the pirate's quirky sense of humor, his surprisingly respectable set of moral ethics and the undeniable logic of the conclusions he draws from his convoluted deductions and deceptively simple reasoning.... Though the fact that I love all that may quite possibly mean I have a convoluted sense of reality!

"Don't be a puppet - unless you're a Muppet of course - Muppet's RULE! };-p" - Mel Stewart

  • Hypocrites are usually the ones who are unable to see the absurdity of their duplicitous views...
  • Don't judge a sentence by its noun... or its verb... or its adjective...or its conjunction...
  • Psychopaths and sociopaths must have it soooooo easy, I swear, my conscience drives me INSANE sometimes!!!!

  • Most people "get" it, while others just don't. Some do, but refuse to admit so. A few don't know there is anything to get, and yell "fire fire" no matter what instead. Then there are those who put quail eggs and eagle eggs into the same carton, label it "rooster sh!t", and then take offense when you refuse to eat the omelets they cook!
  • Dear Law Enforcement Officer/Family Court Investigator.
    For all legal purposes, please note that: all persons, places, & events discussed on this page are for the purpose of therapeutic enlightenment only, & bear no relation to any real person, place or event. Any resemblance to such is not intentional & must be purely coincidental, as all posts are merely the fictional musings of a fictional person's imagination };-)" - Mel Stewart

  • Baz: "Would you still be with me if I had to have a lobotomy?" Mel: "Well, I have heard they can sometimes be quite successful..." (bahaaahaaaa WTF? Where did that come from?)

To all the misogynistic neanderthals out there who refuse to accept that a gal can do things for herself; think all women need a "man" to look after them; forcibly take over when they see a woman pick up a screw driver or a drill; make blanket statements about slow women drivers; believe that women should be seen and not heard; or scoff at mum's who take their kids fishing; I say this: "I am a woman! Watch me do, eat my dust, hear me roar and screw you - get your own fish!

  • Sorry about that folks! I had a brief but terrifying moment of sanity. Thankfully, everything has returned to normal....
  • "My apologies to all my fans for my lack of proactive activism and extremely selfish, complete self absorption in the last few weeks. I now have 5,417 unread emails, which I have to admit is a bit of a record for me, especially on this relatively new 'puter. I have not forgotten you all, and as soon as I find my brain, I shall be answering emails, forwarding links and responding to comments like I usually do...
  • PS: I am offering a substantial reward for the return of my brain, or even any information that leads to the recovery of said gray matter. The organ is about the size of a football, is light gray in color and somewhat resembles a walnut. It is quite possible that it will be on the verge of dehydration by now, so feel free to chuck a bucket of water on it if you feel the need.
  • PPS. If you DO happen to see my missing brain, please note that it responds well to music, laughter and intelligent debate, though not always; If all 3 of these fail, then I advise you to resort to drastic measures, for example: bribe it with the promise of multiple roller coaster rides (this should render it completely pliable). In the mean time, if anyone needs me, I'll be on cloud 9, wherever that is... - Mel Stewart

P.T.S.D. explained in 7 words:

"If you hang on, NO MATTER WHAT, then it won't matter when you wobble: You may get a bit dizzy, but you won't fall..." - Mel Stewart

  • Moderation is the key, therefore I like to maintain a healthy balance of sanity and insanity!
  • Toaster manufacturers need to produce a line of PTSD friendly toasters that warn survivors of abuse that the toast is about to pop up so they do not get "triggered" every morning before breakfast when the toast pops up and scares the absolute crap out of them, making them spill their coffee all over themselves yet again!
  • EMDR = Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing OR Extremely Maximized Daydreams Reprioritized
  • AD/HD = Always Dreaming / Hardly Diplomatic
  • EHD = Excessive Humor Disorder
  • OCFD = obsessive compulsive fishing disorder
  • OMIFD = open mouth insert foot disorder
  • OMAIOFD = open mouth again insert other foot disorder
  • I like to define myself as a Fine Nut (specifically of the sub-genus oak, the scientific name for which is Quercus, which sounds quirky, just like me), as opposed to a fruitcake.

The problem with reality is that there's no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, dramatic, momentous or exciting is about to happen...

safe-at-last's Acronym Key

AAA = @rseholes, abusers & antagonists

ABO = Affidavit Burn Out

ADHD = Always Dreaming Hardly Diplomatic

BLASOC = blogging like a squirrel on crack

BBC = bloody big crocodile

C3PO's = con-artists, perpetrators, predators, pedophiles and otherabusers

CJSTGMP = Captain Jack Sparrow the gorgeous moralistic pirate

DID = Dickheads in Denial

DIDSSSC = Dickheads in denial sympathetic and supportive suckers cult

DTG = Duct Tape Girl

DTAA = duct tape aholics anonymous

FB = FunnyBook

FBB = FunnyBook Buddies

FFS = Fluffy Flying Squirrels

FTA = F%ck them all

FYI = for yon ignoramuses / for your information

IMR = In Mel's Reality

ISR = In Sal's Reality

J2MUL = Just to make you laugh

LOL (when typed) = laughing out loud

LOL (when said) = Mel is spending too much time on the internet because she just said " lol" instead of "ha ha ha" (lol)

LBM = Light bulb moment

MM = Mel Moment

ML = Mel Land

MOM = Mums on a Mission

NINJA = Nocturnal Intelligent Nimble Judicious Angelagent

NSD = Never Say Die / National Security Disaster

NSPPT = Not So Prestigious Perpetrator Network

O2R = Organize to Resist

OAA = Only an abuser... (would/could think/do/say something like that)

OCFD = obsessive compulsive fishing disorder

OMIFD = open mouth insert foot disorder

OMAIOFD = open mouth again insert other foot disorder

OTFFS = on the funny flip side

P6 = Phenomenon of predatory perpetrators perverting people's perceptions

PITA = pain in the you know what...

PVG = Pro-violence Group

PVGY = Pro-violence Groupie

PMRGM = Protective mums are great mums

QTS = quit this shit

REMD = Rapid Eye Movement Desensitization OR Regular Extreme Maximized Daydream
SAL = safe-at-last / Secret Agent of Light

TAF = That's All Folks....

UOP = upset other people

3D = Disturbingly delusional dictator

WARNING: PLEASE NOTE THAT THE POSTERS BELOW CONTAIN OCCASIONAL COURSE LANGUAGE in order to get their important messages of awareness across. Please do not view the picture if you are offended by course language or are under 18 years of age:

  • Misogynists like you are the reason I'm on medication.

  • How do you get one over a misogynist? Show him how to rewire his car.

Please join me on FaceBook

  • STOP the Violence Against Women & Children
    Organize to Resist! Together we can take on the Predators! Let's Break the Silence to End the Violence by working together to make our voices a Resounding SHOUT!!! Perpetrators BEWARE - you don't stand a chance!

Please Note:

All names in this article have been changed for legal purposes and to protect the privacy of the Author. Except where otherwise credited, or where text forms part of an external link, this article is under the following copyright:

Copyright © 2010 Mel Stewart, "safe-at-last", of Perth, Western Australia. All rights reserved.


All persons, places and objects shown in the images in this hub are are shown for illustrative purposes only. They bear no relation to any real person or event. All persons shown are paid models. Unless otherwise credited, all images are under the following copyright:

Copyright © 2010 Mel Stewart, "safe-at-last" and Licensors Nodtronics Pty Ltd. All rights reserved.

Comments

Submit a Comment

  • safe-at-last profile imageAUTHOR

    Mel Stewart 

    6 years ago from Western Australia

    Bahahaaaahaaaaaaa!!!!

  • profile image

    Donna 

    6 years ago

    You forgot CPS - can't protect shit / child protective services

    LOL

  • inko profile image

    inko 

    6 years ago from Japan

    WOW. haha. nice :)

  • safe-at-last profile imageAUTHOR

    Mel Stewart 

    6 years ago from Western Australia

    Thanks MA! I don't think it's for everyone, but I'm glad a few appreciate it! Makes me feel less alone, or perhaps like I'm not the only alien in town?

  • Mentalist acer profile image

    Mentalist acer 

    6 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

    Great Insight Safe-At Last...I Found This Both Hilarious And Interesting.;)

  • safe-at-last profile imageAUTHOR

    Mel Stewart 

    6 years ago from Western Australia

    LOL Thanks Kevin!

  • KevinC9998 profile image

    KevinC9998 

    6 years ago

    Wow, I thought I was ranting and raving in some of my hubs but I do it one subject at a time. You have combined them all! Nice job. Voted up. Kevin

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