In The Past
Looking in the past…. A time when I used to think life would not last…. I was never having a blast.
Young and restless…. Some called me worthless, helpless… I was left alone and breathless.
Alone with my thoughts in the dark…. An abyss with all bite but more bark,
than I could handle, one back hand to break my mandible. This was never understandable.
Broken, beaten and sore…. A story that’s a true horror, but listen I got more. It’ll rock you to the core. Because… I never knew what was in store
For me every day was another trial…. You would never see me smile, a bible for survival ….neglected, unfed, all around was vomit and bile.
But only figuratively of course. As to the parents with no remorse, to how they raise their kids with force…. I speak for those children without a voice…. Stand up! You have a choice.
Moved from here to there…. First few foster parents weren’t fair and they didn’t care. About me or my sister, If they spilt us up I would have missed her.. But those so called “parents” aren’t good listeners.
Laid that verse down now onto the next. Two children here, the result of premarital sex. A mother, a father, but the latter not really much of the word. Drunkness and violence resulting in my screams and cries that were never heard.
A family torn… mom left to mourn. A harsh reality; sadness, a feeling not so foreign.
My life, changed forever… it was always rainy weather, no matter how many tears my sister shed, I could never make it better.
So in my mind I learned to fly away… like a canary. At an early age an escape was necessary. When situations in life got too scary, and this was not extraordinary. Laughing like a child, quite the contrary.
Obstacles, I’ve had plenty…. More than the noodles in your spaghetti… Pushing through, I was never through... Suicidal thoughts, that’s true… I used to….have a few. but I washed em down with the lawn’s morning dew. Yet you read this and wonder if this is still the Irell that you knew.
Life went on, and on, year after year memories gone. I used to wonder why my suffering was prolonged so long. ….Never given a break, always up, always awake, …. mentally… primarily.. because of my ADHD. Promised to myself I wouldn’t let anything break me. As soon as I realized God blessed me,.. with a foster family.
Moving on through the future, I did what I did…. No longer that distraught little kid… found a way to get rid… of the past letting it go, I’m now opening the lid.
This is the truth, my life, my story…. So before you judge me…. Look into my eyes and tell me what YOU see. .. beyond the surface and the mist,.. I’ll dig up my past’s bullshit….so put yourself in my worn out shoes so we can see how you would have lived it.