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Inane Episode 2

Updated on July 4, 2011

The cantankerously inclined neighbour declined to participate in the eloquently phrased 'fly-a-kite-at-night' event. She hastened to point out with incredible speed a non-sequitur that separated reality from my left elbow. It only hurt a little bit.

Lilliputian aircraft carriers, while not welcome in my bathtub, allowed jet fighters to have a cup of tea. This was consumed, unlike the sausages they had at breakfast time, with ketchup and 300 thread count cotton shoe laces. The reason for this, as explained by Gary's second cousin twice removed Hank, was that, when faced with a decision between making a choice or coming to an independently verified conclusion, accumulations of lint and fog made the third least favourite gift of most people whose middle name's second letter isn't a vowel. Incidentally, I am not part of that group.

In other news, something is new.

A clandestine publicist remarked carefully to her coworker that it may have been sunny in the previous moment. This was derived from an observation so particularly inaccurate, that had she been a meteorologist, Tuesday would most certainly have come after Monday. Knowing the days of the week is about as helpful as a simile that serves no purpose. A porpoise, rarely mistaken for her sister, a Danish Landrace Goat, belched evocatively, sending the wren askew.

The wren, you may ask, plays exactly what part in this soliloquy? Ask away.

I'd complete this hub with something particularly clever if it wasn't for the fact that I did a terribly poor job of not preventing myself from completely avoiding the possibility of not stubbing my Islets of Langerhans.

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    • Phil Plasma profile imageAUTHOR

      Phil Plasma 

      7 years ago from Montreal, Quebec

      While this may be true, I follow more closely the claim to fame that a Frogger playing maniac would derive as a self serving quintuplet.

    • Greg Sage profile image

      Greg Sage 

      7 years ago from Orlando, Florida

      On the contrary, Phil. Don't be afraid of success.

      I find it's best to establish yourself as a complete nincompoop right up front. The public shame and utter hopelessness of ever regaining dignity serves as the emotional leverage necessary to crank up the inanity at each stage of your journey.

    • Phil Plasma profile imageAUTHOR

      Phil Plasma 

      7 years ago from Montreal, Quebec

      Thanks LadyFae! I figure to do an inane episode about once a week. I enjoy writing them, unless my left ankle has too much Raspberry Jam on it.

    • LadyFae profile image

      LadyFae 

      7 years ago from Under the Stars

      Keep spreading the inanity Phil. You're doing great so far!!!

    • Phil Plasma profile imageAUTHOR

      Phil Plasma 

      7 years ago from Montreal, Quebec

      A concern of mine is that if I post all of that inanity at once, my readership will not take me as seriously as they may be taking me now. So my volume will be spread out over time.

    • Greg Sage profile image

      Greg Sage 

      7 years ago from Orlando, Florida

      Ahh, yes. The ancient formula that "Citywide Bank of Change" rode to financial success:

      Volume.

    • Phil Plasma profile imageAUTHOR

      Phil Plasma 

      7 years ago from Montreal, Quebec

      Yes, I want to fill the world with inanity, I already have episodes 3 to 3000 ready.

    • Greg Sage profile image

      Greg Sage 

      7 years ago from Orlando, Florida

      "Lilliputian"..."Danish Licorice Goats"

      It's gettin' close man... come on... you know you want to...

      :)

    • Phil Plasma profile imageAUTHOR

      Phil Plasma 

      7 years ago from Montreal, Quebec

      Matt, Klang, thanks!

    • klanguedoc profile image

      Kevin Languedoc 

      7 years ago from Canada

      Hi Phil,

      Great hub.

    • mattdigiulio profile image

      mattdigiulio 

      7 years ago

      Grape hub, Phil. Voting up.

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