ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Inmate of the Month *Grammar Update*

Updated on October 14, 2019
mike102771 profile image

Mike is a long-time supporter of procrastination and enjoys doing as often as he can.

A story

Parts of this story involve drug use, alcohol, and illegal acts. Most of all it’s a story of stupidity. Some of the events are the word for word accounts of the adventure while other parts are pieced together from other accounts.

The Plan

Three friends (we will call them) Jack, Phil, and Bob decided to go to spring break in Florida. All three wherein college at the time (although Phil was in a different college than the other two), and spring break is a time-honored tradition. All three worked while in college, but one of them (Phil) worked as a bouncer at a strip club, making enough to pay for his tuition and a good lifestyle (nice apartment, Mustang, etc.). Only Phil could pay for the trip as well as supply the drugs the three where accustom to (a little marijuana, coke, speed, and some animal tranquilizer). Jack said he would provide the car and gas for the trip so Phil’s money could buy more alcohol. To help set the scene, Jack had tried to dye his hair red, but after hating it, he cut it down to the roots. Instead of losing the color, his hair went from red to pink.

Day One

The three arrive in Florida after a straight drive from Stow, Ohio. Because no one planned this trip, they spent hours looking for a place to stay. Eventually, they found a spot a short walking distance from the beach. None of them where drinkers as much as they were college-age kids (under age) looking to get drunk. So vodka was the drink of choice, the cheaper, the better. Drinking, speed, and (as he said it) horse tranquilizers were the way they spent the rest of the day.

Day Two

Jack wanted to go to the beach while the other two wanted to go into town and try and sell some of the drugs they brought. Now, this part of the story is unclear. At some point, they began to fight, and in a moment of drug-filled anger, Jack decided he did not want to stay in Florida with the other two anymore. So he packed his bags and left, leaving the two stranded in Florida. Jack had little money, so he decided to do what he had too so he could get back. This included several “pump and runs.” This was before you had to pay before you pump or use a credit card. He would go to a pump as close to the entrance as possible. Pump three to five gallons, then place the nozzle on the ground and drive away. He would do this at least three times (although sometimes in this story he would say as much as six times).

Day Three

Early in the morning, he reached the West Virginia Turnpike. When telling the story, he would at first say he had no money, but what Jack meant, he didn't want to spend his money on the turnpike. He was saving his money, so he could get something to eat along the way. Jack slowly approached the side of the road near an operations building for the entrance then sped up and around the toll booths. Being a genius, it did not occur to him that they would radio to the next booth and have the police stop him. Jack could have stopped to speak with the officials who would have given him a paper so he could pay the amount later.

Inmate of the month

Now imagine the scene. Here is this man surrounded by police more than likely either still high on drugs or coming off those drugs with short pink hair. He described the first part of this as looking like the show Cops (one of the police had been on the show) with police yelling with guns drawn. When they had him in handcuffs and heard the non-illegal parts of his story, the laughing began. In the end, his sister came down and picked him up. The small jail facility included a picture (mug shot) of him with his thumb up (pink hair) and a bumper sticker “Inmate of the month.” If I had that picture, I would post it.

Changing Names

The story happened in the ’90s, and as I said, I changed names to protect the stupid. I may have some parts of this story wrong, and it is different from the way the actual people say it. My account is an amalgamation of the story, as told by the three and others who were told various aspects of it. One ironic turn to this story is that Jack now works at a gas station.

Have you ever done something like this?

See results

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)