- Books, Literature, and Writing»
- Commercial & Creative Writing»
- Creative Writing»
- Humor Writing
Interview with a Muse - Thalia Tells All
For today's interview we take you to Mount Helicon, Greece to visit with Thalia, muse of comedy and bucolic poetry.
*spryte stares blankly into the camera*
Spryte: Are we on the air yet? We are? Okies...let's go.
Mount Helicon - Site of Interview with Thalia
Spryte: Welcome people...today we are in Greece on top of Mount Helicon to visit with my old...umm...good friend Thalia. Let's see if she's home...
*knocks on the marble column*
Spryte: Helloooooo...anyone home? Helloooooo?
*heard off camera*
Zeus: Crap! It's back.
Spryte: We can edit that right? Okies. Thalia? You there?!
Spryte: Girlfriend! *high fives* How you being!
Thalia: Pretty good...pretty good. I can't complain these days...always busy, y'know.
Spryte: And the fam...doing okies?
Thalia: Well...mum isn't doing too well. Touch of Alzheimer's.
Spryte: Oh! I get it...that's a joke, right? Mnemosyne...goddess of memory...Alzheimer's. Haha! You crack me up!
Thalia: Well, my delivery still sucks. Hence the reason I'm just a muse and not a stand-up comic. Do me a favor would you? Shadesbreath is scrounging around for some new material...could you pass that one on to him for me?
Spryte: Will do...but why not deliver it yourself? I thought you two were rather tight?
*Thalia gives a rather sad look*
Spryte: Whoa...when you make that face you look a lot like your sister, Melpomene, muse of tragedy. What's up...talk to me, girlfriend!
*spryte holds out the microphone*
Thalia: Well...you know I like to visit several of the hub writers on the hub pages on a regular basis, right?
*spryte nods encouragingly*
Thalia: I have a soft spot for that Christoph guy...especially since he so willingly went along with my suggestion to be that hideous babyface for a week in order to garner sympathy and attention. And Mistyhorizon2003...you've noticed a proliferation of hubs from her recently, haven't you?
Spryte: That was you?
Thalia: Of course it was me, silly imp! The list goes on and on...Funnebone, Gwendymom, Rochelle, Mighty Mom, BT Evilpants...Eros loves him too, by the way...we'd be here all day just naming names so that anyone who reads this knows you are blatantly sucking up to them.
Spryte: Well...we wouldn't want that. Can we get back to Shadesbreath for a moment though? What's the issue...?
Spryte: Lubrication? Umm...what sort of lubrication are we talking here? Vegetable oil, motor oil, KY jelly...
Thalia: No...no...spryte...not THAT kind of lubrication. But to a muse...
Thalia: ...this kind is even worse.
Spryte: Okies...I'm all ears now...exactly what do you mean by "lubrication" then.
Thalia: Beer...and occasionally martinis.
Spryte: Oh...I'm so sorry Thalia...
*spryte makes a cutting motion for the camera so that Thalia can have a moment to compose herself*
Screw the muse...gimme a brewski!!
Spryte: Okies...we're back with Thalia, muse of comedy and euphoric poetry...
Spryte: Whatever. And we've just discovered that Shadesbreath is guilty of muse abuse.
Thalia: Well I'm not sure I'd go so far as to call it abuse...but my feelings are definitely hurt.
Spryte: Well Thal...perhaps it hasn't reached that stage yet...but when a man starts drinking...
*spryte gives Thalia a meaningful look
Spryte: Has he been beating you?
Thalia: No...no, spryte...it's not like that! It's just that...okay, look...I may just be a muse but I would like credit ONCE in a while for what I do. Sure, Shadesbreath mentions my name every so often and says that he owes his inspiration to me, blah, blah,blah...but not as much as he used to. Now it's..."Honey, I'm writing here...can you get me a beer?" Or..."one more martini couldn't hurt."
*Thalia wipes away a tear*
*spryte pats Thalia on the shoulder*
Spryte: There, there Thalia...I'm sure that he doesn't mean it.
Thalia: No...I'm sure he does. The other day, I was trying to get his attention...I had a GREAT idea for him and do you know what he said to me?
Thalia: "Not now! I'm having beer in the driveway with the neighbors...can't you inspire me LATER?"
Spryte: Ouch. That had to smart!
Spryte: Is there anything I can do to help?
Thalia: Why do you think you are writing this?
Spryte: I thought it was revenge for the Mr. Bunny incident...no?
*heard off camera*
Zeus: Is it gone YET?
Spryte: Okies...I'm outa here! Thanks for the interview, Thalia! You've been a real sport.
Spryte (to audience): Well folks...you heard it here first. Shadesbreath...master of wit or abuser of muses? You decide. Back to you, Bob...