Kids Jokes Cute Jokes By Cute Kids

~ Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework. ~Bill Cosby

♥ Johnny: Can I go to the toilet?
Teacher: Johnny, MAY I go to the toilet?
Johnny: But I asked first!

♥ Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him. What virtue would I be showing?
Boy: Brotherly love.

♥ A woman invited some people to dinner.
At the dinner table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
'Would you like to say the blessing?'
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the woman answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'

♥ A third grade teacher was getting to know her students on the first day of school. She turned to one little girl and asked,

“What does your Daddy do?” The girl replied, “Whatever my Mommy tells him to do.”

♥ A dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I?" Ready to play the game she said, "I don't know! Who are you?"
"WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"

♥ A mother looked out a window and saw Johnny playing church with their three kittens. He had them lined up and was preaching them. His mother turned around to do some work. A while later she heard meowing and scratching on the door. She went to the window and saw Johnny baptizing the kittens. She opened the window and said, "Stop that! You'll drown those kittens."
Johnny looked at her and said with much conviction in his voice;
"They should have thought of that before they joined my church."

♥ A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work... As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

♥ Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friends house. Knowing his sweet tooth, Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake? "No," replied Tommy, "but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without me asking."

♥ My husband and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy's room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die no amount of talking could change his mind.

Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy's ear. Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's hand, swallowed it, and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, Daddy!"

Kids having fun

Q: What's red and goes up and down?
A: A tomato in an elevator.

Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?
A: We have to stick together.

Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster?
A: Hello, hello.

Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer.

Q: When is a baseball player like a thief?
A: When he steals a base.

Q: What did the can say to the can opener?
A: You make me flip my lid.

Q: What is a volcano?
A: A mountain with the hiccups.

Q: What do you find at the end of everything?
A: The letter "g".

Q: What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe?
A: He called a toe truck.

Q: Why do two skunks argue?
A: Because they like to kick up a stink.

Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier?
A: You can count on me.

Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
A: Put them in a barking lot.

Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on?
A: He wanted to be a cool cat.

Q: What did the painter say to the wall?
A: One more crack and I'll plaster you.

Q: Why is baseball like a cake?
A: They both need batters.

Q: What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion?
A: Take me to your weeder.

Q: What kind of shoes do you make with banana skins?
A: Slippers!

Q: What did the rug say to the floor?
A: I've got you covered!

Q: How do you make antifreeze?
A: You steal her blanket.

Q: Why does a cow wear a bell?
A: Because her horns don't work.

Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

A. He wanted cold hard cash!

Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?

A. They take the psycho path.

Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?

A. Cell phones.

Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?

A. Spoiled milk.

Q. Where do polar bears vote?

A. The North Poll

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?

A. In snow banks.

Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?

A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!

Q. What dog keeps the best time?

A. A watchdog.

Q. Why did the tomato turn red?

A. It saw the salad dressing!

Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?

A. It let out a little wine!

Q. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the courtroom?

A. Odor in the court.

Q. What did the water say to the boat?

A. Nothing, it just waved.

Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other?

A. They don't have the guts.

Books from the world's worst children's library

►You are Different and That's Bad
►The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
►Fun four-letter Words to know and Share
►Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An "I-Can-Do-It" Book
►The Kids Guide to Hitchhiking
►Kathy Was So Bad Her Mummy Stopped Loving Her
►Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
►All Cats Go to Hell
►The Little Sissy Who Snitched
►Some Kittens Can Fly
►That's it; I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
►Grandpa Gets a Coffin
►You were an Accident
►Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
►Pop! Goes the Hamster. And Other Great Microwave Games
►Daddy Drinks Because You Cry