ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Read This Book BEFORE You Make A Decision About Leaving The Narcissist In Your Life

Updated on August 5, 2014

Disarming The Narcissist - Surviving & Thriving With The Self-Absorbed

If you are reading this hub, you may have been thinking for quite a while about leaving your narcissist partner.

Enough is enough. You've put up with the unbelievable abuse that a narcissist doles out routinely - harsh criticism, sarcasm, lying, gaslighting, projection, endless arguments that go nowhere and leave hurtful scars, and maybe even cheating.

You may be suffering from suicidal thoughts, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or stress-induced physical illnesses. At the very least, your self-esteem has been damaged and your confidence is low.

Maybe you still love your narcissist partner. You do understand that you will not change his or her behavior. And banging your head against a wall of incredibly horrible narcissist abuse is true insanity. What choice do you have but leaving or divorcing the narcissist?

Before You Throw In The Towel

You've read the literature and forum threads that claim it is near impossible to rehab a narcissist because it requires significant re-parenting. Even trained therapists are wary of narcissists and their twisted, manipulative behavior.

Here's an idea - change YOUR approach!

Modify your behavior directed toward dealing with your narcissist partner. Remember when you start finger-pointing, four fingers are pointing back at the culprit.

Learning How To Modify YOUR Behavior

An effective book that reveals how to deal with a narcissist is entitled Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed. Written by a therapist who has worked almost exclusively with narcissists, she outlines coping techniques that you should seriously consider learning how to use.

Read on to understand the approach used by the author of this ground-breaking book. This review also outlines the positive and not-so-positive aspects of Disarming The Narcissist.

What Disarming The Narcissist Covers

Disarming The Narcissist contains seven chapters aimed at understanding YOU, the partner of a narcissist - why you picked a narcissist as a partner, what buttons your partner pushes, and explains what actions help you cope with narcissist behavior.

Take a look at the following paraphrased chapter headings from the book and notice the focus. If you know how the narcissist thinks and how you react to communications from the narcissist, you can identify strategies that work.

Understanding Narcissism

Understanding The Anatomy Of Personality

Identifying Your Personality Traps

Overcoming The Obstacles To Communication

Facing Difficult Encounters With A Narcissist

A Strategy For Interpersonal Effectiveness

Seven Gifts Of Communication With A Narcissist

Disarming The Narcissist: The Positive Points

Even the most skeptical reader will be impressed with the approach of the author of Disarming The Narcissist. Psychology is truly an art form, yet the author has managed to present a set of methods that works in everyday communications.

The reasons for the effectiveness of this approach are as follows: it makes sense logically and it has worked for the author as a therapist dealing with narcissists. Given that you can learn these coping strategies, why wouldn't they work for the partner of a narcissist?

The work is truly groundbreaking - most books covering the narcissist personality disorder warn the partner of a narcissist to run and hide as quickly as possible. Break all contact. That's a difficult mantra to hear when you love someone cursed with the personality disorder.

Regardless of whether you choose to stay connected to your narcissist partner or leave the relationship, Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed will have provided you with an opportunity to learn skills that will help you deal with difficult people you encounter at work, at home, and in social settings.

Disarming The Narcissist: The Not-So-Positive Points

No book is perfect. Even though Disarming The Narcisssist has a 4-star rating, it has a few not-so-positive characteristics you may want to think about.

The first imperfection is a subjective evaluation that you can discard or accept - the author's writing style is a bit pompous. Reading through the text takes concentration because many points could have been written in simpler language. No, you need not be a PhD to understand it, but you better be in a quiet room with no interruptions when you read through a chapter.

Th second imperfection is somewhat related to the first point above. The passages in the book that you would use to communicate with your narcissist partner seem contrived and too long to hold a narcissist's attention. Many narcissists get bored after the first 10 words that come out of a partner's mouth - it is hard to imagine that the author's communications would captivate them.

Here's the bottom line - the core message of the book is so powerful that the partner of a narcissist should be sufficiently motivated to overcome the imperfections with workarounds. You know who you're dealing with. As long as the basic ideas are communicated to your narcissist partner through your own words, you can make an impression using the book's strategies.

6 Ways to Handle a Narcissist

What behaviors do you use to cope with the narcissist in your life?

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)