Life Lessons From Unfu*k Yourself by Gary John Bishop
Caught up in your head?
Do you foresee every type of negative outcome before going into a social situation or before any event whatsoever?
Is your mind controlling you and not the other way around?
Is your mind running constantly fueled by anger, anxiety or judgment?
Is overthinking your last meal before bed?
If you answered "yes" to one or more of these questions, then you might also think this ...
You are FU*KED!
And not in a pleasurable way...
What is the solution to all of this though?
The solution is simple BUT not easy!
How do you do that? In his book "Unfu*k yourself", Gary John Bishop covers all you need to know about this, like realizing your flaws and deficient areas of your life, planning, taking action, and the mindset you need to develop in order to succeed in this life-changing endeavor.
Self-talk is the KEY!
“If human emotions largely result from thinking, then one may
appreciably control one’s feelings by controlling one’s thoughts – or by
changing the internalized sentences, or self-talk, with which one
largely created the feeling in the first place.”- Alber Ellis
The first life-lesson taught in this book is referring to the internal monolog, in particular the self-defeating monolog.
Besides the normal external talk we do every day, we are also involved in the internal talk, the talk which according to science and all successful people has the unbelievable power to either make you or break you.
So, when you think about it, the way your everyday life goes depends massively on the thoughts and self-talk you choose to entertain.
Take a second and analyze what thoughts show up in your head more frequently? Are they positive or negative?
According to science, 70% of our daily thoughts are believed to be negative.
But why would it be that way?
As stated in Unfu*k yourself, humans tend to keep rational thinking at the bottom of the table and instead react or even overreact emotionally to certain situations that don't have even the slightest importance.
We're also extremely good at the art of creating problems out of thin air. This only builds more anxiety, anger, and frustration.
Through this book, you're set to discover some flaws and areas you're deficient in that you were unaware of, learn methods that can help you to plan and start taking action in order to escape from the mind-cage you've been imprisoned until now, and last but not least, you'll get an idea of the person you need to become and the mindset needed to cut through the nonsense and crap prevalent in your life and ultimately UNFU*K YOURSELF!
Going forward, I would like to share with you what knowledge grasped my attention from this book, specifically the knowledge that is most in tune with the person I am today and the person I want to become.
Assertive vs Narrative
Just started reading the introductory chapter and I was already hit by a thought-provoking perspective.
Don't talk about what you are going to do or will do, using words like "should" or "try" because that means sub-consciously you've already determined the time it will be accomplished and it doesn't sound in close proximity at all.
This can backfire a lot when it comes to goal setting because when you're telling yourself you're going to do something you inevitably think about the things you're not going to do or can't do, which then creates a feeling of frustration or anxiety.
For example, if you want to lose weight and decide that tomorrow you're going to start eating healthy and go to the gym, you'll probably think at the same time that you won't be able to enjoy the daily bag of chips or getting hungover every weekend. You can already see how enthusiastic you will be starting the journey with these thoughts in mind.
Instead, Gary John Bishop recommends using terms like "I am...", "I embrace...", "I accept...", or "I assert...".
The power of assertiveness is that it gets you focused on the present moment and what can you do NOW to change the things you're unsatisfied with.
Willing vs Unwilling
A big moment when it comes to reaching success starts with two assertions you need to get very clear about.
" I am willing..." and " I am unwilling..."
You can use them as questions or just as simple statements. Let me give you some examples of questions you can answer right now:
Am I willing to train at 5 A.M. before work?
Am I willing to sleep 7-8 hours every night?
Am I willing to stop blaming other people and take full responsibility for your life?
Am I willing to get over social anxiety and go talk to that girl?
“Where the willingness is great, the difficulties cannot be great”. -Niccolo Machiavelli
Or maybe being unwilling works better for you, SO...
Am I unwilling to continue living a mediocre life?
Am I unwilling to live just to pay bills?
Am I unwilling to live in regret?
Am I unwilling to work in a toxic environment?
Usually, when you're unwilling to experience something again, it's the moment you've had enough and with proper emotional management, you can propel yourself much faster to the goals you've set.
Which assertion works better for you?
Risk and Uncertainty
“Our biggest successes are born out of discomfort, uncertainty, and risk.”
The reason people are so afraid of the future is because uncertainty dominates there. They always look for certainty because it's a comfortable place and place where they can control and know what to expect. But, when you think about it, being comfortable means you're doing the same things every day and repeating behaviors that once were risky but then turned into routines.
The reason anxiety and worry are present in our lives is that we try to predict the future and make expectations based on thoughts that aren't always aligned with our potential and best interests in life, and then refusing the experience if it isn't the one expected.
Another thing that makes people's heart miss a few beats is RISK. Analyze everything you in a day and you'll realize that risk is everywhere around you.
Going to shopping? There's a risk of being hit by a car or being robbed.
Want a pay raise? Take the risk of asking your arrogant boss.
Going out for some fun? Watch out for that dude trying to kick your ass.
If you're looking for success, risk and uncertainty will always be by your side no matter what.
Expect nothing, accept everything
Expect nothing and accept everything? This sounds like a resignation to life.
But is it truly? Let me explain...
"I expect nothing and accept everything." is the final assertion in the book and goes to the point that you can't be dominated by someone or by something.
When you expect nothing you live in the present moment and take whatever comes at you exactly as it is, without filtering it in your mind and comparing it with what you thought it could be or should be. In other words, you see life as it is and you act accordingly.
The moment you have expectation, you submit yourself to an enormous risk of pain and suffering if what happens isn't the same to what you expected.
You expect to win that basketball game, but you lose.
You expect that girl to go on a date with you, but she flakes.
You expect 1000 likes to your new Instagram photo, but only get 200.
See what I'm saying? Every time you expect something out of a situation or from a person, you're exposing yourself to the unpleasant feelings of disappointment and frustration.
Why not just plan the way you intend to handle the situation or circumstance and then just do your best and be present in the moment. If it works, good...
If it doesn't, time for some reflection and analysis of what you could've done better and what can you improve to get a different result next time.
If you look closer, expectation can ruin relationships so simply. Usually, whenever there's a dispute or you get angry at someone, it is because you expected something from them but they totally misinterpreted that or didn't understand your needs at all.
Your relationships could get much better if you understand that people can't always anticipate your needs and feelings. Instead, it's a good idea to start talking about what upsets you and how would you like your relationship to be.
Going on, the acceptance part is probably the most confusing, but there is a good explanation.
Accepting everything doesn't mean that you put up with every fuc*ked up situation or circumstance in your life. It means you own it and you're confident that you can change everything that doesn't help you evolve.
It's more like embracing the experience as it comes but doing all that you can to make it as you wish.
Read, act and grow
Here are some statements that can guarantee any kind of success you want, ONLY if you take action and make them part of yourself. These extremely powerful and practical statements are present in the lives of any successful person on earth, deeply integrated into their mind and soul, becoming daily habits. Do that yourself and I'm 100% sure you will be grateful for every moment you experience in life.
- When you are free to be open and available, with nothing held back, no lies, no withholds or half-truths, you really are your most expressive, most alive self.
- There is no greater knowledge than the knowledge you have verified for yourself, in your own experience.
- “Stop blaming luck. Stop blaming other people. Stop pointing to outside influences or circumstances.”
- “Everyone has their problems, and life isn’t always perfect. It never will be.”
- “Uncertainty is where new happens.”
- “You are not defined by what’s inside your head. You are what you do. Your actions.”
- “Our biggest successes are born out of discomfort, uncertainty, and risk.”
- “Stop doing all that shit you know you shouldn’t be doing and start doing all the shit you know you should be doing.”
- “It’s this simple, in order to improve your internal world, you have to start by taking action in the external world. Get out of your mind, and get out into your life.”
© 2019 Hacicu Bogdan