ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

"Lips of Poison"

Updated on February 9, 2018

"So put that smile back on my face and mix it strong my friend"

It makes me feel numb,
to where I can't feel my face...

That's when I know
that I've had enough.
But I keep drinking,
put my lips to the cup.

I can smell the liquor.
It beckons me.

I'm sure you can smell it on my breath...

I tell myself I need this,
to forget the pain,
to make my worries and cares,
go away...

As I'm stumbling and stuttering,
falling to the ground.

Spilling my poison.

But the problems will still be there,
when I awake in the morning...

from my night of proverbial self-destruction.

I always manage to keep the vomit off my clothes.
I never make a mess.
But, there's self hatred and pity,
feeling sorry for myself, feeling worthless.

How did I ever let myself get like this?
It all started with a kiss...

Your lips were the liquor and I drowned in them.

The room getting dizzy now,
even when I close my eyes.
I had a breakdown inbetween heaves,
now on the floor I lie...

I'm no stranger to public bathroom stalls,
hugging a toilet for hours.

Too drunk to care.
Too drunk to get up on my own.
You were the one I hated(loved)
You were the one who carried me home.

I let the liquor consume me
until there was nothing left...

The same privilege I gave to you everytime we kissed.

© 2011 Nikki Wicked

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Nikkij504gurl profile imageAUTHOR

      Nikki Wicked 

      7 years ago from Louisiana

      I dont drink alone either, i drink when im hangin with friends, even when i was drinking because of my sorrow, i would purposefully go out so i could drink. my friends were always there for me, but i never asked them to drink with me, and they never let me get left behind or wake somewhere and never take a drink from a stranger unless you watching them, always keep an eye on your drink, i never got drugged or anything, i know better. i dont like flirting with guys to get drinks, i can just buy it myself, but when i get drunk i dont get like a lot of people do, and pass out, or act stupid. i just get sick, once ive reached my limit its the toilet for me. ill be sick the rest of the night, good thing i have a high tolerance. i dont really get hangovers either, a headache at the most. and that still drunk feeling. Please dont hate yourself. be strong.

    • Astra Nomik profile image

      Cathy Nerujen 

      7 years ago from Edge of Reality and Known Space

      I understand, and you are so honest for saying this. Thank you. I know some people who can't drink alone and they beg and plead for me to join them for a drink and even a small one... and I know if I do, that will be just the start. Maybe I am a scare-dee cat. I try to be careful. I have seen girlfriends who had drinks spiked and crap put in their drinks.

      I love hanging with my friends, and I know they wouldn't drag me down, but I have to be careful anyway.

      I'm not a party poop, I just want to have a good time but mostly remember every moment and not ever wake up and find it was a blaze and a blur of alcohol. I am trying hard not to hate myself any more...

      I hope things are okay in your life now Nikki. I enjoy your hubs.

    • Nikkij504gurl profile imageAUTHOR

      Nikki Wicked 

      7 years ago from Louisiana

      awww thanx spade, but i wouldnt want you to drown yourself in alcohol over me lol. and your very welcome :)

    • profile image

      MrDSpade2 

      7 years ago

      The malice of a relationship, if i had a girl like you, i too would fall under the spell of those, "Lips of Poison", lol. Also, thanks for all the invigorating comments you left on my hubs...

    • Nikkij504gurl profile imageAUTHOR

      Nikki Wicked 

      7 years ago from Louisiana

      lol strange comment there astra. yes i kno. I love to drink and have a good time with my friends, but back when i was going through that hard time, i just drank to drank, just to pity myself really. i knew it wouldnt make the pain go away, or the problem, or make the guy love me, though that night he did take care of me a bit, he was a good friend, it only made things worse the next day, he wanted nothing to do with me. i got like i did because i found out a bit of information that really hurt me and im still not sure if its true or not. recent events make me believe it is. but whatever its all in the past and Im quite over it. I never want to get like that again, i hate gettin too drunk and getting sick. its a horrible feeling, even when your not emotionally a wreck. Im not afraid of my pain either, just tired of feeling it, and just want to be happy and I think Im at that place now. lots of my friends are going through hard times too, and feel like drinking or cutting is the answer, and i have to do what i can to make sure they dont do that.

    • Astra Nomik profile image

      Cathy Nerujen 

      7 years ago from Edge of Reality and Known Space

      We all drink for different reason, Nikki... me I like to socialse with friends, so we have drinkies at the weekend. I have never been too drunk, but I came close to throwing up once and it scared me. I am afraid of alcohol and it might take over me.

      Maybe I am a control freak in some way. But its a point I don't go beyond. I am not afraid of my pain. Actually I kind of need it to know I'm alive. Lots of my friends just numb themselves, and then lose themselves, and a little bit of me dies as I watch them, even though it is funny. Kay... gonna shut up now.

    • Uni_te profile image

      Uni_te 

      7 years ago

      I'm glad to hear that :)

    • Nikkij504gurl profile imageAUTHOR

      Nikki Wicked 

      7 years ago from Louisiana

      well it feels great not feeling that way anymore. those were feelings id much rather have put behind me yes. but the memory is still always there, and i will still always care for that one particular person but im very much over him and not in love like i used to be, i definitely have the better guy.

    • Uni_te profile image

      Uni_te 

      7 years ago

      Lol. That's good to hear, that you found what you're looking for. Must feel good, to leave all of those feelings behind, huh?

    • Nikkij504gurl profile imageAUTHOR

      Nikki Wicked 

      7 years ago from Louisiana

      exactly uni_te thanks for commenting. this was a year or so ago. i am much better now. things actually did work out and im happy. though i sometimes think of the past and how things could have been, theres a reason it isnt and things turned out for the best, Im with someone much better. he drives me crazy but not to drinking. :)

    • Uni_te profile image

      Uni_te 

      7 years ago

      I can totally relate this.. That one special person, who makes you feel so alive, can make you feel so alone.. And you do the most reckless things, only to forget what you've lost. To avoid facing tomorrow. But you always wake up, thinking that another night has passed, and you've only sunk a little lower.

      Great poem, Nikki. I hope everything works out for you.

    • Nikkij504gurl profile imageAUTHOR

      Nikki Wicked 

      7 years ago from Louisiana

      thanks for all the wonderful comments. i have cut down my drinking, now i just drink to have fun. i dont wanna get to that point again, and yes i have a better guy in my life he may drive me up the wall but not to drinking. nelli yes it was my own doing, though he/they were the ones causing me pain, i was the one who chose to drink, knowing the pain would still be there, those few times only made it worse, i chose to keep myself in the hole they dug. but i finally climbed out of it and am no longer a prisoner to the pain.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 

      7 years ago from TEXAS

      This is the best statement in the entire hub and comments, Nikki: " i cant believe i let myself get like that" - shows you know it was not someone else's doing. And shows how strong you really are. Good gurl.

    • profile image

      Doug Turner Jr. 

      7 years ago

      Been there, chica. You expressed this state very well. Hope you don't get yourself into trouble!

    • Joshua Kell profile image

      Levi Joshua Kell 

      7 years ago from Arizona

      Great hub. know what you mean...

    • profile image

      Ghaelach 

      7 years ago

      An awesome hub Nikki. But i bet you feel better after getting it all off your chest. It takes a lot of guts to tell the world that you where often drunk and spewing up in public.

      Two things i wish for you and that is (1) that you've cut back on the alcohol a bit and (2) that you've found yourself a decent man that dosent drive you to drink. You deserve it. LOL.

      Ghaelach

    • bbnix profile image

      bbnix 

      7 years ago from Southern California

      I agree with Randy. A powerful piece of writing and wonderfully written. Many of us have been through similar trials, and unfortunately, many I knew didn't survive, and many still, haven't yet recovered. We are soooo happy you got through it!!

      Much love.... =)

    • Nikkij504gurl profile imageAUTHOR

      Nikki Wicked 

      7 years ago from Louisiana

      yea it was pretty bad. i cant believe i let myself get like that. but me and him are on good terms now and the other one i had drunk myself into a stupor over well i dont want anything to do with him, but i once hated him, i learned to let go and just not have any feelings towards him whatsoever.

      and thanx randy that means a lot. i like this one a lot myself. it comes from a really bad night and just so much emotion came out. but its all behind me now and i dont think ill ever let myself get like that again.

      hope yall like the song too. Its one of my fave by avenged. and inspired me to write this.

    • Randy Behavior profile image

      Randy Behavior 

      7 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Nikki I think this is the best thing I've read from you. Its so... without pretense. Bravo girl.

    • bellawritter23 profile image

      Erica Sanchez 

      7 years ago from California

      Got it!! Not a good thing if he was able to get you to your weakest. I had one of those to I know what you mean well I am glad it is in the past now and you have written it down to let it go.

      smiles :)

    • Nikkij504gurl profile imageAUTHOR

      Nikki Wicked 

      7 years ago from Louisiana

      eh he was the drug that got me to the worst point of my life. my worst breakdowns were because of him. Hope you get to see this with the video i posted. Good song, inspired me to write this. this night happened last year, funny i never wrote about it before. i would drink myself drunk around him just to be ok. and 2x ended up in breakdowns.

    • bellawritter23 profile image

      Erica Sanchez 

      7 years ago from California

      A drink of the one who got you love drunk....

      smiles :)

      bella

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)