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Listless in September
I know I begin most of my hubs apologizing for not writing more often, and though I wanted to stray from that, I just can't seem to do so. It's been so long!!
It's true what they say, "if you don't use it, you lose it." I can't tell you how lost I feel, going back and reading some of my own words in past hubs. Did I use to actually sound like that? I had so much to think about back then. Moving to Georgia and then to South Carolina really didn't help me in writing at all. I had such a naive outlook on moving somewhere new and working with my friend. "Oh, I'll have so much time to write and I won't waste so much time running around and spending money!" In Georgia, one of those things came true. Working 75 hours a wekk doesn't really allow time off to run around and spend money. But alas, it also does not allow one to focus on writing either. Fourteen- Sixteen hour days doesn't really leave the mind craving to craft storyline or plot or characterization at all.
By no means am I at all complaining. I left with a heavy heart but a lighter step. Taking an adventurous step forward, like I had always dreamed. Dreams sometimes play out quite differently in your head than they do in reality. :) But learning comes from the journey! I am now confident in crossing Georgia off of my list. From there, I went North again, to Sumter, South Carolina. Even less like the grand and wonderful dream I imagined while leaving Georgia. But again, where there is learning to be had, trust in me to find it (I love the free kind). I've added SC to the list as well. To quote Thomas Edison, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." I haven't quite made it to 10,000 yet, but I'm getting close, I'm sure. lol For each step forward we take, though it may feel as if we've gone back, it might actually count as a huge leap towards your ending goal. I've learned so much, and though it felt like returning home was close to admitting defeat and giving up, I have gained much more than I would have had I just stayed in one spot.
This is the first thing I've written in quite some time. I am ashamed to admit such a thing. Especially when being a writer is one of my ultimate goals in life. Writing daily events in a journal are not equal at all. I need to find a time, a space, and a way of working that will force me to write, though I may not "have the time" or "be in the mood." I am hoping I don't require complete isolation from friends, puppies, boyfriend, mall shopping excursions. But that does seem to be the case. Hahaha, I suppose what I really need is some discipline. How you acquire it with a strange and off-kilter personality like mine, well let's just say I've found many ways that still won't work.
I need to motivate myself, perhaps. If I start posting motivational videos for myself, you'll know I've gone into a strange and interesting place. Possible new realities: California. We'll see if I write again in a few months explaining a failure there as well. ;) Here's hoping that won't be the case.
For all you other more disciplined and less distractable writers out there, keep it up! Maybe one day you will motivate the "busy" (lazy?) ones like myself into action! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and ideas into the world, that we may partake in them as well.
Have a wonderfully fantastic day!