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True Church Funnies and Bloopers: When I Lived As A Pastor's Daughter In Hillbilly Country

Updated on April 26, 2011

These stories ARE true and were real experiences in my own life. The names have been changed.

Some of the most memorable times of my life was when I was a girl and my dad pastored in Missouri. It was a little country church with just a handful of people. Many preachers would have just looked elsewhere, but not my daddy. These people needed the Lord just like anyone else. So our family moved to the country and Daddy pastored.

My dad loved these people, and so did I. His burden for them was so genuine. I loved to watch him preach, and see these dear people respond. But there was a certain uniqueness about this place that's not seen everywhere you go - the church was made up of true, authentic, Missouri hillbillies.

I say this with all due respect and do not mean it derogatory in any fashion. It's just a fact. They were precious, but they sure made our services interesting.

I'll never forget the time that my mom went to pick up a dear old saint for church. Her husband had been really ill, and she couldn't drive. My mom was glad to help out. Mom drove up to the homestead and Ruthie came and got into the car. She was upset. "Ruthie, what is wrong?" My mom showed concern. Ruthie replied with distress in her voice, "Cletus may have to git his prostitute gland removed." My poor mom. Imagine the anguish that she must have felt trying to keep a straight face. But poor Ruthie couldn't help it. She was who she was.

Ruthie's husband, Cletus, pumped septic tanks for a living. He saved the stuff and fertilized his garden with it. No wonder he was sick. The pastor's family never ate any of the produce either, needless to say.

Ruthie and Mildred were sisters. They would sit toward the back and catch up on the latest gossip - out loud. Never mind that church was going on, better say it before they forget it.

Grandma Jamison, another dear saint in her nineties was a spunky gal. She lived in the middle of the sticks all by herself in a tiny mobile home. She would get so happy when she would get up to testify and would get in the aisles and practically preach. She got around great, but to look at her, she seemed very fragile. Well, one night during the course of the service, there was a loud commotion on the left hand side of the building. Ruthie flew down the side aisle and grabbed the back of Grandma Jamison's head. "Jamison, there's a wasper (wasp) on the back of yer head!" I don't know what would have been worse. A wasp sting, or old Ruthie's attack.

If you ever go to a hillbilly church, and it's time to take up prayer requests - well, be prepared. On this certain occasion, different ones were turning in their various needs for prayer, then Mildred spoke up. She had a cousin suffering from a heel spur, and she wanted her to get relief. "Let's all pray fer Agatha. She's got a sperm in her heel."

There were also requests like, "Pray for Marty that God will put a hook in his jaw and reel him in." And others like, "Let's pray that God puts rocks in Martha's bed and makes her so uncomfortable that she'll have to do right."

They meant well. But the funny thing is, when someone talked to Martha she said, "I just couldn't sleep last night, it felt like rocks were in my bed." Also, as you've probably already assumed, Martha did get right.

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    • Sharkye11 profile image

      Jayme Kinsey 5 years ago from Oklahoma

      This was fun! I have grown up and visited many states across the country with these simple, wonderful people. Although I love them for who they are--they can often say the funniest things. It is so hard not to laugh out loud. Recently, a woman I know told me that she had been to the doctor, and discovered the underlying cause of all her woes: she has a Sinus. :)

      Really enjoyed reading this!

    • blessedmommy profile image
      Author

      Carisa Gourley 5 years ago from Oklahoma City Metro, Oklahoma

      Thank you, Mazzy :) One thing is for sure, the people are not fake! You never have to wonder what they're thinking. If they smile, it's not the plastic kind; it's because they're genuinely happy. They don't try to hide their true emotions and if they say they'll do something, they really mean it.

    • Mazzy Bolero profile image

      Mazzy Bolero 5 years ago from the U.K.

      I enjoyed this very much. I've never been to hillbilly country but you brought it to life.

    • profile image

      Andrew 6 years ago

      Haha. very funny. reminds me of these video church bloopers

      http://www.christianfunnypictures.com/2012/04/funn...

    • profile image

      SusieQ42 7 years ago

      Reminds me of when I was the Church secretary. I wrote about the United Methodist's Women's Bizarre and heard about it afterward. (I spelled Bazaar wrong!) oops!

    • JY3502 profile image

      John Young 7 years ago from Florence, South Carolina

      Hi neighbor! I'm from Arkansas and know exactly what you're writing about. I have quite a few hubs written on the same category, but yours just gave me idea for another one. LOL

    • CarrieG profile image

      CarrieG 8 years ago from Nevada

      I enjoyed your post. It reminded me of a conversation I had with some friends the other day about placing my RV out on their property for a while and living there. We were joking about just placing the drain line out in her garden for the fertilizer, I didn't know people really did it until now..lol.

    • wannabwestern profile image

      Carolyn Augustine 8 years ago from Iowa

      Sometimes those rough n' ready folks have the purest hearts. A lovely Sunday read.

    • blessedmommy profile image
      Author

      Carisa Gourley 9 years ago from Oklahoma City Metro, Oklahoma

      rickyracer: So glad that you enjoyed my hub and that you have the privelege to live among these wonderful, innocent and down-to-earth people as well!

    • rickyracer profile image

      rickyracer 9 years ago

      So funny, and so true. I live in WV, LOL, hillbilly heaven!! LOL. I feel at times as though I'm being converted to their ways, tee hee! The area, couldn't be more beautiful and the people more friendly, but funny some times, oh how funny! Thanks for a great hub! laughter is definitely medicine for the bones!!

    • frogyfish profile image

      frogyfish 9 years ago from Central United States of America

      Oh...I can just hear some of those ladies talking... Realistic and enjoyable hub! Thanks!

    • blessedmommy profile image
      Author

      Carisa Gourley 9 years ago from Oklahoma City Metro, Oklahoma

      Pam: Thanks for sharing. Shot herself in the foot???? Hmmm. LOL ;)

    • Pam Roberson profile image

      Pam Roberson 9 years ago from Virginia

      Very nice, funny, and warm story. :) I have a fondness for hillbillies, because I was born in hillbilly country. :) My babysitter used to make frog legs for lunch, and she had a big iron kettle in the yard for making pon hoss. She took me to her Holly Roller church one Sunday, and it scared me to death. They were a rowdy bunch. lol! ;) OH, and she used to love showing people the hole in her foot where she accidently shot herself. :D Good times. ;)

      Nice job, good hub. :)

    • blessedmommy profile image
      Author

      Carisa Gourley 9 years ago from Oklahoma City Metro, Oklahoma

      Moonlake: I'm glad that this brought back pleasant memories for you. These were definitely some of the most memorable times in my life!

    • moonlake profile image

      moonlake 9 years ago from America

      I remember folks gathering at my grandparents grocery store when I was a kid. All of them sitting around talking it was fun to listen. They often talked about God and who needed prayers and about the Sunday sermon. They would pray for whoever was in the jail on one side of the grocery store and whoever was in the hospital on the other side. Bless their soul they would say. As kids we went in and out of all three buildings, we knew the sheriff and the doctor and nurse.Their all gone now and those days are gone.

      I really enjoyed your hub made me think of home.

    • soyelude profile image

      soyelude 10 years ago from Lagos - Nigeria

      Nice and nostalgic...most times fun and funny times are colours in Gods rainbow. Very well put blessed mommy. Keep 'em comin'

    • blessedmommy profile image
      Author

      Carisa Gourley 10 years ago from Oklahoma City Metro, Oklahoma

      Yes, Wehzo, I do have a very rich heritage and I'm so thankful that God has allowed me to have the experiences I've had. Altogether, I was a Pastor's daughter for about 16 years and they were great times. It's funny that you should mention God's patchwork plan, because my mom and I often talk about this in our conversations to each other. We say how it just seems that God has been putting pieces of a great puzzle together for years. Sometimes, it don't make sense, but little by little the picture gets clearer and clearer.

    • profile image

      Wehzo 10 years ago

      I love that (True) story, it remind me of when I was kid sitting around the old folks and listening to them talk, especially after sunday service. Blessedmommy, your husband and children are blessed to have a wife and mother who can draw from such, at least what seem to me, a vast reservoir of life changing experiences. You and others like you are intricately woven into Gods' patchwork plan. The storytellers that draw from the well of life and personal revelatory encounters with the Lord hold a special place within the body of Christ. It appears that you count among them.

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