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Lost and Found Trust
My grade school life wasn't that easy. But I don't consider it that hard either. I was in a new school, in a new province. I was quite and always labeled as shy by my relatives and by anyone who knows me as being such a quiet kid. Add to it that I am a sick kid having asthma attacks that could keep me down for weeks. Because of that, I was left behind in lessons on my grade 1 class, just when I'm starting to have friends.
The following school year, my mom walked me to my new classroom, I was now in grade 2 and in class A with a new classmates while on the next room was my former classmates in grade 1, now they are in grade 3. They still greeted me and smiled at me when they saw me. My new classmates look nice, and I know two girls in the class who lives across the street where we live.
"Hey you got a perfect score," a girl sitting behind me blurted out as she leaned forward looking at my paper. Boasting aside, I do have a good hand writing and anyone would be able to read it, add to it that English is my favorite subject. On some days I would get a good score if not a perfect one. Having "Em" talked to me every time we get our papers back somehow gives me the feeling of being accepted, that I would be alright in this new class. A timid girl who doesn't start a conversation, maybe I am on my way to making friends sooner than I expected.
"I bet you gonna have another high score," she blurted out to me one day as she smiled as we wait for our papers back. "No I don't think so," I said timidly managing a smile back at her.
"See? I told you." She said grinning as I got my paper back. Well, she was right as I got another good score written in mine. "Maybe next time you will get another one," she said. "You wanna bet? I bet you will." And I agreed, expecting it was just the word "bet" and nothing in it. Then she added that when she's right about me getting a high grade I would give her a peso. That is about 2 cents in US dollar but a peso can buy a snack or a candy. What if I argue or disagree and she starts making my school days a mess? I don't want to make an enemy. Being a timid girl, of course I just agreed. Now I know I wasn't thinking right back then just nodding and agreeing without thinking. And it happened a few times. The end of it? My parents learned about it and my mom had a word with my teacher. They got suspicious about the lunch money they're giving me as they know me so well. Everyday during recess I would rather stay inside our class. I don't go out to buy snacks like most kids do. I'm embarrassed. I don't want to be in a crowd. My parents know that and would give me snacks aside from the money, encouraging me to try and buy myself a snack. But I'd rather bring my own snack than work my way with the crowd and approached sellers at the school canteen. So that's how it ended with that girl in my grade 2 class.
Then off to grade 3. I was still with the same class. I don't know how it started but I ended up having casual talks again with the same girl. I do remember it was outside the classroom but what I don't remember is our topic. And she ended up teasing me to a boy telling him something I haven't even told her. I don't have a crush on him! I felt embarrassed but I didn't show it. I haven't even told anything more than "I didn't said that" about once or twice. Alright, that was so years ago. Did I have a crush on that boy? No. I didn't know where she got that from. That was one twisted story. I regret talking to her and her adding some more stuff on our conversation. I was 9 years old and I learned something BIG. I learned to keep things to myself and be weary to what I say or talk about and to whom I talk to. People can add some twist to my story. And I don't tell my preteen and teen secrets to friends since then, I keep quite and just listen to theirs. I have to be nice to them all the time so they keep their word if ever I told them something that needs to be keep. Or they could use it to hold me in the neck or I would walk in class one day and be a laughing stock. I know better now. But I also know how to keep secrets. I know what to keep to myself and what's to share if ever they told me some of their stories. I just don't trust mine to people since then, not that easy.
It's been way years ago. And I'm now in my 20's. But I still remember it. It was something I haven't forgotten and the way I think of it now, I was thankful. I am thankful I had experienced it. I learned to be careful to what I say and on what to share. It also taught me to get to know people well enough before I start trusting them and sharing them my thoughts. With my few friends now, I don't have to tell them to keep things between us if it has to be keep that way. I just know they will.