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Updated on August 12, 2011

It has been 12 days since this and much much more has happened! Here's the beginning of the new developments.

A little after 1:00 a.m. I woke to find our cats Tiger and Lil-bit on my chest. Lil-bit was having strong contractions and starting to give birth right on me! As I always do out of habit when I need you and your strong nature and mind, I called out to you and told you she was giving birth. I set her on the carpet and ran for the box, with a towel lining it that I have had prepared for weeks now, thank God, and put her in just as the first baby was being birthed. You sat down on the floor beside her and gently pet her continuously while she gave birth to four – FOUR – healthy mewing kittens. My heart was so full of love for you and joy, watching as you seemed to know just what to do to make the momma, just barely beyond being a kitten herself, more secure and comfortable.

Now for some reason, possibly because her water broke while she was on my chest and I had blood and part of the sack on my shirt, I started gagging and ended up having to leave the room as nature took it’s course all four times with the after birth. I almost threw up all four times and ended up having to take half of a Xanax – I was a wreck. But, my steady rock, you stayed right there and I thought of your famous line you always say when an emergency or unexpected problem has arisen these past 24 years, “I’ve got it covered.” And you always have, somehow you always pull us through whatever we are experiencing and with grace and such strength!

We had that hour together, all of the other animals coming in the room to see what was going on, the sharing of the miracle of birth and watching this young cat who before did not seem to have a clue, turn into a loving mom that knew instinctively what needed to be done.

And then you finally spoke. “Why is she having kittens?” you looked at me with narrowed eyes. I answered that this was what they do when they are expecting babies and you replied, “I didn’t even know she was pregnant.” Then you went back to petting her, never uttering a word, just giving comfort, knowing instinctively what she needed from you.

I can not stop crying today. That magic time is gone and your confusion continues and grows and your spasms have increased to a level that even one sip of coffee or water escapes your unending tries to hold the cup to your mouth. I shampooed chocolate Ensure from the carpet three times yesterday and helped you change clothes at least five times. The only time you would not push my hand away and shake your head NO was when you needed water to take your pills and I ignored your protest and asked you to please do it for me.

I monitor all of your medication now and you have left it alone so I know it is not an overdose of anything causing your confusion. Hospice suspects your kidneys are shutting down now but you have refused the catheter to see if there is any urine in your bladder. You lie with eyes of a four year old who has just been accused of eating cookies without permission and are about as convincing as that child, hand still in the cookie jar. You tell the nurse, oh yes, you are able to urinate, no troubles there.

They have added another medication to the endless list you were taking too. Haldol, which I really didn’t think I’d give you until the hallucinations got so bad and you were so agitated that there was no reason not to let you have the relief the drowsiness brings as it begins to work. You have become suspicious of most of what I say or do, thinking I am taking your medication or tricking you. The nurse asked if you’d go into the hospital to see if they needed to adjust medications or add something because your spasms have become so violent anything in your hand slams to the floor or goes flying. This morning you have a burn under your chin, the exact shape of a lit cigarette. But you told her no, you would let them adjust what they need to while you remain at home.

You have an appointment in the city that is a fifty-seven mile round trip from us on Monday, with the psychiatrist and I have one the same day with my cardiologist but I am wondering now if I shouldn’t cancel yours completely and ask for refills on your meds and reschedule mine. I see no way I can drive with you that far let alone get you out of the car and into the wheel chair you must now use because your legs have buckled on you three times, once causing you to fall. Was it just two days ago you were out having coffee at your local hangout? Maybe it was longer but it was sometime this week. Or was it a week ago? One day has melted into the next completely now and I can not keep up and have quit even trying. I only leave the room when you are asleep or if I absolutely have to. I want time with you! I do not want to look up and see an empty chair or the couch barren of you like I did the other night when something woke me and I found you standing in the kitchen. You had no idea why you were there so we got a glass of water to make the trip seem worthwhile. I was so happy just to see you I would have broke out the champagne if we had any.



Submit a Comment
  • Poohgranma profile imageAUTHOR


    7 years ago from On the edge

    Thank you Sharyn. I'm writing when I can and trying to catch up but so much has happened and then today was a complete disaster and we were thrown back a few steps so I can only grab a few moments here and there. Your reading and comments mean a lot. Thank-you.

  • Sharyn's Slant profile image

    Sharon Smith 

    7 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

    Hi Pooh,

    I'm really glad your hubby got to experience Lil Bits miracles. The photos are precious. Thank you for sharing your love with us Pooh. Take care,


  • Poohgranma profile imageAUTHOR


    7 years ago from On the edge

    God bless and keep you both stars and Michael. You are both such loyal friends and you mean so much to me.

  • Micky Dee profile image

    Micky Dee 

    7 years ago

    Thank you dear Pooh. God bless.

  • stars439 profile image


    7 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

    Dear Phoenix : Every moment that goes by I think about you, and your husband, and the awesome challenges that you both face with so much courage. We are so far away from you, yet our hearts are with you both. Little animals can be so sweet , and wonderful. You have so much love for God's little creatures. God Bless You Precious Heart.

  • Lyn.Stewart profile image


    7 years ago from Auckland, New Zealand

    So glad you had your rock there with you as your cat became a mum.

    No-one knows how long or short our journey with our soulmate will last. All we can do is to enjoy the dance while it lasts.

    Big hugs

  • DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

    DeBorrah K Ogans 

    7 years ago

    Poohgranma, Wow! This cat knows she is in good hands no doubt... How interesting for her to lay on you while delivering her litter of baby cats? Great photos!

    Thank you as always for taking the time to share... God Bless you both on this journey of love.

    In HIS Love, Grace, Peace & Blessings!

  • profile image


    7 years ago

    The kittens are so cute and I hope it brought you some comfort. Sorry that you are going through this situation but it will make you a stronger person. My prayers are with you and your family.

  • Hyphenbird profile image

    Brenda Barnes 

    7 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

    Oh dearest Pooh. I am always awed that new life overcomes such terrible pain and brings joy, if only for a precious, redeeming moment. Thank you for taking time to share with us. You are beloved by God and He will never forsake you. Philippians 4:13 comes to mind. "I can do all things through Christ[a] who strengthens me." And we here on HubPages love and support you too. Joy to you forever, Hyph.

  • QudsiaP1 profile image


    7 years ago

    Congratulations on the new kittens pooh; I have kittens outside my door as well to a stray cat, who I love.

    Strange how just earlier today I was thinking of you and was going to ask you to write in to let me know everything is okay.

    He is indeed very strong and your rock. You undoubtedly are his rock in your own way as well. This must be hard to write but i am glad you do; atleast this way you share your pain and perhaps in some small way my distant words provide you with some calming effect.


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