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Updated on February 28, 2011


What happens to Men when they reach a "certain age"?

Are their Brains suddenly bent backwards...

And their Mouths so twisted that only Mean Words are Spoken?

Have they forgotten how to Smile, or Laugh...Or Live, and Let Live.

Or even Love...Maybe that is part of their Problem.

I came across a Man of this Description the other day,

At the Swimming Pool...Spouting all the Rules,

As he Rearranged all the Reclining Chairs...

To line up just so...It was both Amusing and Sad.

My first reaction was Get A Life...Chill out...

Look at the Sky, a Pelican is flying by.

But Alas, Alack, he'd have none of that...

As he walked on by with his Pregnant Belly Look,

I thought to myself, Why don't you exercise your Body...

Instead of your Mouth.

Go take a Swim in the Pool...

Forget the Rules that seem only Important to You.

And Maybe...just Maybe...

You will lead a much Happier and Rewarding Life.

Thank God, it's Never too Late to try...


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    • A.A. Zavala profile image

      Augustine A Zavala 6 years ago from Texas

      I PROMISE! I JUST THREW ALL MY DRESS SOCKS AWAY! I have a pair of polarized Oakley Straight Jacket sunglasses. No women knew I was checking them out. If I need to wear a suit anywhere, I'll just put my dress shoes on my bare feet. I'll tell everyone I'm Native American, and I'm doing it for spiritual reasons.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      You are too Funny A.A. Zavala...What can I add to all that you've said? So I will say, Thank You for stopping by and your Promise...I will hold you to it!

    • A.A. Zavala profile image

      Augustine A Zavala 6 years ago from Texas

      So, you swim at a club full of assholes? I was laughing out loud while reading this, because I know that guy!

      I'll be forty two this year, but people think I'm much older because of the way I talk and carry myself. I'm making a pledge to you right now. Once I really get older I promise:

      Not to be an asshole

      wear dress socks with sandles

      scratch myself in public

      grunt while eating

      slobber (too much) while eating

      be discreet when checking out other women (I saw an old guy at Ross standing in the aisle STARING at a womans behind)

      I think I'll make this into a running bucket list.

      Thank for you sharing!

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Hi Sligobay, yes I will check him out, when I get back from our Cruise. I'm leaving today, not taking my Mac, just Lover Man and I...on the High Seas. I'll be back next Thursday. Bon Voyage!

    • sligobay profile image

      sligobay 6 years ago from east of the equator

      My own humor has often missed the mark and I say that I have at least attempted humor which requires sustained practice and effort. That is one reason that I follow Stan Fletcher and participate in his brilliant contests. Many writers who have shied away from the nuances of humor for fear of failure have taken flight through his challenges. Check out his Hubs if you haven't yet.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      You know Sligobay, I wouldn't hurt you or any of our followers intentionally...and us Women (at least this one does) hold it in, as soon as we stand up. We all have a" little something" in the middle...It's all in the posture...that's what I tell Lover Man! Thanks for you last comments Silgobay and LOL.

    • sligobay profile image

      sligobay 6 years ago from east of the equator

      Not to worry b. Malin. I realize that I was feeling self conscious about my own weight as I read your article. If you can't laugh at the things that relate to you; you'll die of stress. I sent a link to my older brother relating to the medical benefits of laughter. Your image of the 'pregnant-like belly' was so good that it found its mark in my ego. It seems that I am always in the process of diet and exercise to no effect. Messages ccome in all shapes and forms. No pun intended. Thanks for a great Hub and a belated belly laugh.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Do not take this one seriously Sligobay...However, when I see people that stand in a pool and don't move their arms or legs I get upset...I worked in the Medical Field more than half my life, and we would see these men, who only wanted to take a pill, God forbid they walk, or do a mild form of exercise in the Pool. There is NO Excuse, only ones that are made in the mind...Just a thought.

    • sligobay profile image

      sligobay 6 years ago from east of the equator

      As an abdominally challenged man of a certain age; I would choose the swim over rearranging the chairs on the deck of the Titanic. However the pregnant belly look is hard to lose. People judge body shape and weight so harshly and cruelly when there are both physical and psychological causes for these conditions. Focus upon the flaws of others provides convenient distraction from our own.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Thanks II Padrino, so glad you enjoyed, I'm stopping by to take a look at your Hubs.

    • Il_Padrino profile image

      Il_Padrino 6 years ago

      I agree with everything which you wrote. Great hub!

      Good luck!

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Hey Michael, it's usually those that are this way, haven't got a CLUE...But here's hoping! Thanks so much for enjoying and becoming a follower.

    • michael ely profile image

      michael ely 6 years ago from Scotland

      Hi b.Malin, Great Hub. Great descriptions that probably a lot of people will recognise.Cheers. Michael.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Thanks Erin, for your wonderful insightful comments...and thanks for Voting this one up!

    • Erin LeFey profile image

      Erin LeFey 6 years ago from Maryland

      It is always a horrible thing when someone chooses to look outside to control other things and people because they perceive to have no control over what is happening to them or their own lives. They have basically given up. Its sad.Great hub, wonderful observation.Voted up!

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Denise, how well put, and we all may get there someday...but hopefully we don't act like that...I want to always be able to laugh at myself and smile at others as well.

    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 6 years ago from North Carolina

      B-loved the poem. I could just picture this scenario. LOL

      There are grumpy old men all over the place aren't there? But, I suppose we can say the same about cantankerous old ladies as well. Thanks for sharing.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago who's pulling whose leg? You know every now and then "Girls just wanna have fun"!

      ImChemist, thanks for stopping by and your compliments.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 6 years ago

      .....well I am not a man...of a certain age - because I come over here to your hubs - and I become 'ageless' ...... you keep me young, energized and full of life with all of its inner meaning .... and I am 94 years old - well, young - because you make me so!!!!

    • ImChemist profile image

      ImChemist 6 years ago

      Excellent hub , thanks for sharing it.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      That's ok Cheryl, and thanks so much for you observant insight on this subject.

    • profile image

      Cheryl Kapelner-Champ 6 years ago

      Good writing, & very observant u* are my dear friend. Yes, one of the keys to happiness, is to "be happy", & not absorb some of the toxins that others, at times are sluffing off.

      Wise woman Barbara!

      L & P Always,

      Mother Lightning


      [My attempts of imbedding a link did not work last time, & we so dislike marring a page. *Sorry about that.]

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      This is so true Jaggedfrost...But I also feel life lacks something for them...They must make themselves feel important...and that may come in Bullying others.

    • Jaggedfrost profile image

      Jaggedfrost 6 years ago

      hmm I am not sure age has as much to do with it as life which insults people who are used to thinking that their rules will save them from such insults. it is a terrible thing to watch those who once thought themselves in control of their lives tighten their fists on things smaller the that which they lost control of. I have seen this happen at many ages.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Bbnix, That's what I was thinking, as I watched him walking and talking...He was once somebodies little boy...who matured into this Monster Person...But he can't see himself, as others do. Thanks for enjoying this one!

      That's for sure, for sure Arb...and we do!

      Oh Bluestar, It's Never to late to Teach him...all of us can be Assholes, at one time or another, but this Guy was the President of the Club of, ASSHOLES.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      It's true WillStarr, they come in all Shapes and Sizes and are also Female as well, as Male.

      BobbiRant you are probably right...It's just a shame that those he came in contact with had to suffer with his Mouth and HIS ways...such a grump! Thanks for your comments.

      Oh so true Breakfastpops...They are such Bullies...until a BIGGER BULLY COMES ALONG!

    • arb profile image

      arb 6 years ago from oregon

      Hi b.! The asses make easier for us horses to be appreciated.

    • thebluestar profile image

      Annette Donaldson 6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Bobbi you didn't tell me you had met my old man lol Seriously this hub is just him to a t. What a frightening realisation of who I choose for company lol.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 6 years ago

      I too have seen these men, usually in department stores telling their anxious nervous wives to hurry up and shut up. I have to stop myself from going over to them and smacking them into decency.

    • BobbiRant profile image

      BobbiRant 6 years ago from New York

      What you probably ran into was a guy who is obsessive compulsive, I've met younger guys like that too so I doubt it is 'just older men' and I believe "A young fart is going to be an old fart" meaning that guy was probably pleasant ALL his life. It usually doesn't all of a sudden hit someone.

    • bbnix profile image

      bbnix 6 years ago from Southern California

      I agree, it's so sad for so many. Life has distorted them.

      Unfortunately, the only thing we can do is cherish, guide, and educate all children to not grow older so painfully, but instead have them be happy, fulfilled and tolerant, rather than lonely, embittered and controlling.

      I love this piece. Such a beautiful expose of human frailty. Thanks...

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 6 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      How awful!

      I met someone just like that the other day.

      Except she was a woman. :-)