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Updated on November 4, 2010

LIFE GOING BY by b. Malin

Photo  by   Stephan
Photo by Stephan


I was an insecure child. I grew up to be a sensitive woman. No one was there to show me the way....Sometimes I felt lost and transparent.

I was always a Dreamer, an Actress, A child who built her dreams on fantasies, while playing the "part"....and I was so good at it. Nobody knew, the darkness that surrounded me. Curtain up, and there I was SMILING.

Now "reality time" has knocked at my door. But I sit here afraid to let it in. Afraid that I won't be able to make the "connection". Knowing it means a "change"....But not knowing if I am ready for it...but wanting to try.

Mirror....Mirror tell all, but quietly, only to me. Is it time to "look mature", to play a "new part"? Is the hair too long? The makeup not enough now? Am I wearing the Proper Costume?

A friend (ha!) with frightened eyes and "worry lines" meets me for lunch, and tells me, as she smooths her short neat hair. "We are over thirty....this is what's Proper now". She says as she smooths her expensive skirt. I look down at my favorite pair of faded jeans and then back to her face....such a sad, sad, face.

I find myself horrified as I stare silently into her eyes. I don't want to be like her. She looks dried up....almost DEAD! And I know at that moment, that she knows it too. But she won't take me along! I'm sure she knows that too.

I'm still so ALIVE, looking for a new road to pedal my bike on. New experiences to encounter, and share. So many more new beginnings. What a "Wakeup Revelation" this has been! I feel like a Dark Weight had been lifted from my body...I feel like I can almost fly...and in my imagination I do...I'm gone, I'm out of there, never looking back.

Years from now, and it may be plenty....nothing happens overnight...I'll be riding that old bike down the road, and maybe I'll see this old friend. And I'll smile and wave as I pedal on by, or maybe we'll stop and talk...and I'll hope as I listen to her, that I'll hear, that her LIFE was as REWARDING AS MINE...Because I will have made it happen for Me!


Don't just be a Dreamer....Only YOU can make it happen! by b. Malin


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