Me as Leonardo Da Vinci!

I am an artiste 
visiting you.

I came here 
in my time machine,

an invention those 
who study me 
have never seen!!

I parked a my time machine

in the principals parking spot,

so if she comes l
ooking for me,

you tell her a 
“Thanks a lot.”

Tell her not to be mad, 
but glad,

because when I leave

I will go back in time 
2 hours ago and move it,

then she will never know 
I was there. Heh,heh heh.

it will be just fine.

I was a born in 1452

phewwwweee, that's a 
long time ago...

I am a 559 years 
old you know.

How old are you 
young fellow, Wow!!

You are like a 
tiny speck of paint

on the huge canvas of life, 

a smudge of bright yellow, 

while I am an 
ancient hardened 

bit of oil paint 
in the color of gray,

But hey, I am a still 
here with you today.

I lived with my grandparents, 

lots of cookies, ice cream,

and a bigga pizza slices,

they were real nice, 

when I was a child like you.

I used to scribble 
on all their walls 

and I painted their home twice,

because I was a wee artiste 

with nothing to do.

I became a 
Renaissance painter,

Renaissance means re-birth,

like being born all over. 

Which is probably 
why I am here 

with you all today.

But I guess I musta been born 

old this time I must say.

I was an apprentice for 13 years

under a man named Verrochio.

He was as popular as that boxer 

your parents call 
called Rocky II today.

But he was a famous 
artiste you know.

And he taught me how to paint 

and even earn some pay, Yay!

I also studied biology, 
botany and engineering

but my true love was art

Oh how a my grandparents were always

a cheering me for 
a being so smart.

But I was also an inventor

and one of my favorite

inventions was a flying bird,

An “ornithopter“ which 
was quite absurd.

Here I brought one...
let me show you.

Everyone move way 
back that a way,

because a this a 
flying bird has no brain,

it is untrained and 
just might create quite a flap.

So when it lands please 
bring it a back to me

gently for it's nap.

(walk away from the group 
to launch bird.)

Some of my inventions also include:

A glider, helicopter, parachute, 
a car run by a spring,

a machine gun, a robot, a tank...
tank you very muchand 
a scaling ladder.

I also was known for 
painting the Mona Lisa,

It was just about ta 
this a big, like this a matte,

30 and 1/4 inches by 
20 and 1/4 inches.

The Mona Lisa now 
hangs at the Louvre in Paris,

but it used to hang on 
that louver thing-a-ma-gig

on my blinds in my studio. 

I am a so very much embarrassed...

I never a knew she would be

such a valuable thing,

and I used her to block

the sunlight in the spring.

It took me a ten years 
to finish the Mona Lisa.

She a never wanted to sit still.

Like a bucket in a well up and down.

The painting is called 
the Mona Lisa because

she was always such a moaner:

“Leo, I'm tired of 
sitting here for hours,

Leo, I want to go to lunch,

Leo I need a cappucino break.”

Ah, but she was worth the wait,

because her eyes in the painting

they a follow you wherever 

you a go in the room.

It's a magical thing 
and her mysterious smile,

well that was because she was always

five minutes away from her 

next break to eat Italian pastries.

Heh, heh, heh. I used a painting 

technique called sfumato.

on the Mona Lisa, 
which means like smoke....

(the technique of allowing 
tones and colors to shade

gradually into one another, 
producing softened outlines

or hazy forms.)

I put layers and layers 
of an oil based glaze on her

that made the highlights and depth 

and transparency leap right out at you.

The King of a France himself bought

and owned the Mona Lisa,

I was a soooooo proud.

It was and is a 
most famous painting,

and she was such a nice a lady 

to sit for me so long.

See that little spot right there,

(show a copy of the painting)

 That's a Rigatoni sauce

that I dripped on her painting 

once during my lunch.

I left it there because it 

blended in so well.

Do you know what happens

to you if you turn

the Mona Lisa painting sideways 

or upside down and look at it.

You getta really stiff neck.

I should tell you 
about another artist

I met on my journeys 
in my time machine,

I stop and visit often 
in the 1800's

with my good friend

Oscar Claude Monet. 

He is such a fine a painter,

he always liked to paint outside,

but he said it was hard

because he always had things 

falling into his paintings,

like leaves and bird feathers, 

and in the desert when he painted

he had sand and tiny pebbles 

blown onto his canvas.

For all I know some of them are 

still glued under 
his paintings and glazes.

Little bits of geography

from where he worked.

Monet loves to paint water, 

he likes how the colors

reflect themselves on the surface.

He is one of the painters

who invented Impressionism.

Impressionism is where an 

artiste uses dabs of color

to show how a scene looks 

and how the light falls.

He once fixed up a boat 

as a floating studio because

he loved water painting so much.

I'll just bet you he even 

painted in the tub, heh,heh,heh

In school he used to make

funny cartoons of his teachers,

he got in trouble for that 

but he became very good 

at making caricatures.

Monet made a lot of 
bigga paintings,

like this one called 
the Water Lilies.

Isn't it sooooo beautiful
See how big it is,

Here two of you unfold 
this roll of paper,

it is the actuaL size. 
Wow it is a bigga then me.

He told me once that he really

only became a painter

because he loves flowers.

When he was older, he went blind, 

but he still painted

even though he could 
not see his work.

Thatza Mazing to me. 

Claude Mone was and still is

one of the most famous 
painters in the world,

and he did some of them 
with his eyes closed

Well I must a be going 
my time machine will

run out of batteries 
and I will be stuck here

painting pictures of 
Justin Beiber and Barney

Yikes!!!

I have to fly 
in my time machine

to the year 3014

to the planet Galuba and 

visit some kids in space.

Arreeevaderci.......everyone.